. We all knew it was coming. …. We all had plenty of time to prepare …. So there shoulda been no surprises when “the rich white boy$” put a price tag on their Nifong Nightmare. Did the $30 LARGE surprise you? What is ALOTTA $$$$ these days? Jemarcus Russell got $26 LARGE making him “a rich black boy” Who will really foot the bill? ….. and some football stuff too.
Dear Readers: This column is a double-barrel load of 00 buckshot. It is harsh. It is NOT PG-rated. Some of you will be offended. The difference between me and the N&O, I apologize when I write offensive diatribe. Proceed at your own risk. The “good news” is I do NOT mention “board loonies”.
The long awaited and much anticipated “civil suits” have arrived at Derm City Hall. The long awaited and much anticipated tuition check for Precious has, alas, NOT arrived from His Reverendship Brutha Jesse. Should have used Priority Mail JJ.
History recorded the first “they oughta sue the (fecal euphemism) outta Nifong, Derm, The Gang, Duke, Kevin Costner, Pete Gaudet, and Wool E. Bull” was first uttered (extended bovine reference) about two weeks after The Fong appeared all smiles and glad handy at the NCCU “We Nailed Whitey” Celebration in April 2006. Rumor has it The N&O supplied the malt liquor and chicken ‘n waffles for that somewhat premature celebration.
It has long been a foregone conclusion that once Mikey had been slammed, bammed, disbarred, perp walked and had his shoelaces and belt confiscated …. that a new breed of lawyer would replace Atticus 
Finch Cheshire and Ben Matlock Smith. This new breed has pointy teeth and an insatiable taste for BIG BUCKS. Enter the John Edwards species of barristers …. The 30% of gross kind. High balling, take no prisoner or credit cards or anything but bearer bonds or bullion boys.
As they did in hiring The Che$hire & $mith Dream Team, the “rich white parent$” of the “rich white boy$” have found “rich white ‘$ue-em’ lawyer$” to ransack the treasury of Bull / Medicine / Murder / Armpit Of The Triangle City.
Normally when ambulance chasers catch a corporate ambulance and strip it down to the rims and secret Cayman accounts, The N&O cheers and cheers and editorializes “it shoulda been more” because in a perfect Marxist utopia there are no corporations at all EXCEPT, of course, really really wealthy ones that own failing newspapers all over the country and are HQed in Sacramento. But Ye Olde South McDowell Street Arrogant Hypocrites ain’t happy about this one. Ain’t happy AT ALL.
Anticipating the arrival of lawyers bearing the ransom note from Reade, David and Colin, The N&O was locked and loaded.
First sautering up to the plate was their resident Bourbon Street Shoeshine Boy …. Sportin’ Life Barry Saunders. On Tuesday Sportin’Life penned his 863rd version of “Why I hate all Whitie$, especially one$ with Lot$ of Money”. Being repulsive “rich whitey$” Reade, Colin and David are, according to Sportin’Life, not entitled to any money at all. Barry had checked and none of their relatives were listed as cargo on the Amistad, where apparently Barry’s great great great great great Uncle Kunte Saunders had served as cabin boy and tap dance instructor on the Lido Deck.
Now some of you might be saying how can this guy (meaning Barry, not me) get away with writing such racist crap in a supposedly “for real” newspaper. You must understand at The News & Observer their motto is
Truth is a nice 5-letter word … BUT
“Diversity” is all We REALLY care about!
Barry Saunders has free rein to play all 52 race cards in his deck and Editor Melanie has extra decks if needed. Barry fires off his 9mm gangbanging columns then ducks conveniently behind his Ebony Epidermis Shield. All this has been going on long before that fateful call was made to Bunny Hole Entertainment on March 13, 2006 around 10 PM …. and Derm became known for something other than where Buddy Hackett used to come for the “rice, pepperoni pizza and Snickers” diet.
Suppose the Bunny Hole pimp on call that night had, as was requested, sent over Conchita and Marquerita instead of the “honor student, mother of two, certified psycho, crackhead, liar” and Kim The Embezzler. Would Sportin’ Life still have his Fat Albert boxers in a wad? Yes ….. as long as there were “rich whitey$” involved Barry gets to race bait, name call, quote Fred Sanford and give us all lessons in hip urban eubonics.
So Barry fires off his latest high octane RPG on Tuesday hoping against hope that maybe THIS ONE will finally ignite the metro race war the N&O was hoping for 18 months ago. They give out Pulitzers every year ya know. Miss out one year, there’s always next year. Damn that DNA lab, so close and yet so far. Burn Baby Burn!
Coming right behind Barry was an unsigned N&O editorial on Wednesday. “Unsigned” means either Whiffenpoof Ford or Sack Lunch Jenkins penned it. The oh so subtle wink wink hint hint in this little missive was “the rich white boy$” (who grew up in those expensive houses) deserve no money because they “REPUGNANTLY” hired “strippers” and had beer at their party. WOO HOO!
Yee Haa …. The Arrogant Hypocrites are now the morality czars of The Triangle. Bunny Hole Entertainment is many things including a licensed to do bizness company in Derm. Just like the “gentlemens clubs” that advertise their Sodom/Gomorrahesque pleasures in Mr McClatchey’s local media operation. Lets assume the fermented hops and barley were also purchased locally from legitimate businesses. “Repugnate” ??? ….. If “Repugnate” is our new word, lets use it to describe the N&O’s continuing coverage of this mess. “Exculpatory” was my personal favorite Nifong Mess word.
Now I don’t buy strippers, beer OR The News & Observer. I vote we shut down all three operations and convert their facilities into Brunswick Stew Parlours. All in favor ……. !
And that coarse term “strippers”. Yo N&O what happened to “exotic dancers”? Their implication for the first 90 days that Precious and Kim were home delivery terpsichoreans from the Alvin Alley African Folklore Ensemble.
Emerging from the sub basement of Derm’s Retail Luv Bizness, Kim & Precious WERE / ARE $5 ho’s. Rather than Zulu Fertility Dances, they give $5 BJs in truck cabs and $8 quickies in $10 hotel rooms. Whatever happened to that Glamour Shot profile of “the poor unfortunate rape/assault victim”? (The one that was “EPITHETED”!) You remember the laudation that had Precious slotted somewhere between Madame Curie, Princess Di and The Oprah. Did ya think we had forgotten, Melanie? We will NEVER FORGET your “excellent” coverage of this glorious mess.
Who will indeed end up footing the bill for the civil suits? Whether it ends up $30,000,000 or merely a third round draft choice’s signing bonus …. It will surely be at least as much as the CEO of McClatchey made in bonus bucks last year.
Beyond Mikey The Idiot, Precious The Psycho Ho, Kim The Embezzler Ho, Crazy Cuzzin Jackee, and half dozen others sure to be included in the upcoming HBO Movie …. Who fanned these flames ….. WELL ….
There was, of course, “The Gang”. But they were already granted sanctuary by Under The Bus Broadhead’s substantial hush money to “the rich white familie$”. Broadhead wrote A LOT of zeros to protect his Star Wars Faculty Cantina of Freaks, OddBalls, Weirdos, Transys, Bi’s, Lessies, Gays, Anarchists, Athiests and Hippy Poets. Don’t look for anyone to tap their Trinity Park Parade of Homes.
What about Victoria Peterson The Self-Appointed High Zulu Priestess of Derm’s Always Angry Africans (AAA)? These Perpetually Angry Ancestors of Amistad (who voted en masse for Mikey The Idiot) are immune from liability primarily because proceeds from drug dealing, armed robbery, gang banging and street corner loving are tax-free and unreported.
I keep hearing angry area whities say “make Precious “pay”! HOW? Garnish her “wages” at Bunny Hole? For every $5 BJ she puts $2 in a tomato can in the backyard of 610 N. Buchanan Blvd until the backyard has $30,000,000 …… in quarters ???? If Derm had an NBA team it might make sense, but minor league baseballers just use teen groupies who charge even less than Precious’ bargain rate.
If Derm gets hit hard by the 30% off the top lawyers ….. the bulk of the bill will be paid by (and Sportin’ Life knows this) ….. the middle class (untenured!) white wage earners in Northern Derm County. The people in Derm who actually WORK for a living.
Yep, the very people who DID NOT vote for the goofy idiot Nifong. The very people who read the revolting crap the N&O was vomiting up in those first 90 days AND knew Melanie and Her Diversity Warriors were WRONG WRONG WRONG!
Where SHOULD the 30% Of the Gross guys go? First Amendment BE DAMNED …. Go where their clients were tried and convicted in those first 48 hours …. And ALL of It “Above The Fold” …. and for days and days and days after. Go to Sportin’Life and Editor Melanie and The N&O’s Truth Blind Diversity Warriors. I hear they’ve got LOTS OF MONEY ….. the Executive Editors got “choke-a-horse” bonuses in 2006.
Like the apochraphal “Emperor on parade”, in a vain attempt to show off its “social conscience”, The News & Observer has revealed it has NO CONSCIENCE AT ALL!
Alas …. When all is said and said some more …. Barry Saunders will still make a decent living “hatin’ white folks” ….. Editor Melanie Sill will make an even better living being effitely sanctimonious …. “rich white boy$” will still enjoy nekkid wimmen and beer …. I’ll still be “saving Western Civilization” twice/week ….. and you’ll still be able to get a $5 “hummer in your Hummer” in Durham, North Carolina …..
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A final note on “Our Night At Dowdy-Ficklin” ….. we were on Row EE in Section 214. How high is that?
- If there had been a Fly-Over it would have been a Fly-Under for us.
- Not only could we see our porch light 86 miles away, we could see the lights of Perth Australia!
- The concessions kid for our section was a Sherpa.
- I needed binoculars to see the back of Bob Uecker’s head
- The term “Stairway To Heaven” has new meaning.
- The sound waves from The National Anthem finally reached us as Hartman’s game-winner split the uprights.
- The only things in Greenville longer than the climb to our seats were the legs on those coeds!
Say Good Night BobLee.
If Butch can get a quick lead on Crazy Al, look for the fragile Hoos to fold. I keep getting tea leaves saying HEELS WIN BIG IN KENAN ….. but of course I’m picking Miss Teen South Carolina to chose Dennis Kucinich as her VP at the Dem Convention next year too.
The Marine will get Win # 1 vs the Terriers but it won’t be a stompin’. Three WuffLoons will order BCS tickets just in case.
I will be at SOTBT for The Old Well Walk but have a Fat Cat Tailgate and a Letterman Thingie to attend too …. plus meet some yahoo on Boundary Street. Then a GREAT BRUNSWICK STEW DINNER at New Sharon Methodist Church in Hillsborough., AYCE !!!
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Who else once “saw the lights of Perth Australia”?
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