NEVER doubt BobLee. I warned you a week ago that Butchie Boy was “up to something”.
The Official Butch Davis Media Blitz hit Tuesday measuring a whopping HOLY COW on the Richter Ego-Meter. The simultaneous print and video attack has left area residents in stunned awe of one sad soul’s ego run amuk..
JoePa and Jerry are “old news” within 50 miles of Kenan’s lofty pines. Maybe somewhere someone still cares about that little Pennsylvania dust-up BUT in The Southern Part of Heaven there a new atrocious sports scandal araging.
Analysts who study deviant behavior by self-indulgent pathological narcissists speculate that yesterday blitz was timed to ride the current wave of national sympathy for victims of college football atrocities.
Commentators such as yours truly who thrive on over-the-top examples of human lunacy are reassured that there Is A God with an incredible sense of humor. ….. and an inexhaustible supply of column fodder.
NOTE: We are assuming that everyone (except Prince Albert) has read and seen:
The N&O “Mea Culpa Nada” Letter
The Victim Video
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ALL ABOARD For – The One Very Sick Puppy Tour
Bring St Butch & His Gang o’ Toadies to your local Rams Club meeting. For just $50,000 Butch, Jennifer, Uncle Julius, Don (Stallings), Bob (Winston) and Deems will show up for 90 minutes of pathetic whining, weak excuses, and sophomoric Holden jokes.
For $10 each, attendees can actually touch the nail holes in Butch’s hands where Holden drove the spikes that crucified the self-described messiah.
Contact Jimma Sexton for available dates.
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Top Five Lines From The Victim Video:
#5: “It depends on one’s definition of “knew anything”
#4: “I Have A Dream….. that one day Franklin Street will be renamed Butch Boulevard and a statue of ME will replace that dumb Choo Choo Whozit.”
#3: “et tu Holden.”
#2: “ASK NOT what your university can do for you; but, rather what your university did to ME…..”
And…..
#1: “…..OK, maybe John Blake and I DID horse around some in the showers a few times”
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The Commemorative Edition Video Gift Set:
The segment showing Butch, Tammi, Drew and Jennifer playing touch football with the survivors of the Haitian Earthquake WILL BE included in the commemorative box-set of The Victim Video. It’s well worth the $45 MSRP just for the part where Butch actually walks across The Caribbean carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Order by midnight tonight and Butch will include a toy bus and an authentic John Blake action figure. Butch-believers can spend hours throwing Blake under the bus again and again and again ……. just like their hero does.
In the commemorative version, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is humming How Great Thou Thinks Thou Art in the background.
A complimentary Commemorative Victim Video was delivered by special courier to Bubba Cunningham as he was unpacking.
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Bubba is confused…. Brand new AD Bubba Cunningham admitted some confusion when asked for his comment. “I’m new here. Is this the guy that wore the wraparound sunglasses ot the “burly ex-linebacker” or that other guy?
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Surely No One…..
could possibly buy Butch’s latest crap, right? Not so fast my friends. I received the following email Wed AM from someone I know to be an adult, a father and a registered voter.
Every friend and fan of Carolina Football should take the time to watch the video of Coach Butch Davis’s response to his unjust firing. Coach Davis should be reinstated as Head Football Coach at UNC. Who cares if there is no precedent for such action? In view of what has happened at other NCAA football programs, it is the only right thing to do.
I still have a little hope our new AD will wait for the pending decision of the NCAA (finding no wrongdoing by Coach Davis), then realize he was and is the best choice as coach for UNC football.
Visit your local board monkey hangout and see if you can spot this dude or his ilk. Be Afraid Tar Heels. Be very afraid. Yeeeeeee Ha!
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Hired By…. within 24 hours of its release, the producers and scriptwriter for Butch’s Victim Video were hired as Official Videographers for Obama ’12.
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OccupyKenan Protest….. co-sponsored by Don Stallings’ Eagle Transport and Bob Winston’s Winston Hotels. Brain dead board monkeys wishing to participate are required to bring a release form from their psychiatric care-giver AND a Holden Thorp Mr Potato-Head.
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Interim Ev’s comments…. Thank Goodness, Ev has not commented yet. Apparently he either hasn’t “felt like it” or he’s too busy swabbing the deck of The Flagship. Media comments are not Ev’s forte.
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Butch is NOT leaving Tammi for a fling with Kim Kardashian. But he noted that all women “admire me for my incredible humility”….. and his forked tongue.
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FoxNews Opinion Pollster Frank Luntz measured viewer reactions to The Victim Video. Viewer positive vibes spiked when Butch announced that his Great Granddaddy Caleb Davis had a Masters degree …. could speak fluent Swahili …. AND had an uncanny ability to remember the names of every Mouseketeer.
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Butch Re: Jennifer Wiley ….. “Everyone says they’ve never seen pictures of Jenn. How can that be, I have a box full of polaroids from that time we ……. oops, never mind.”
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Butch – The Miami Years…..
Memorabilia collectors are offering as much as $14 for “the other video” where a tearful Butch assures Paul Dees that “I will NEVER leave The U, Ever ….. Tammi, Drew and I are here in Coral Gables to stay.”
Dade County officials have yet to verify Butch’s claim that he personally “did more to clean up Miami than Crockett & Tubbs ever did”. The “even Tony Montana feared me” remark at the 5:46 mark in the video was an immediate classic in Little Havana.
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Virginia Tech AD Jim Weaver confirmed that Butch’s people have requested that “the video” be played on the Lane Stadium Jumbotron Thursday night. Alas, Tech had already booked the Jumbo for the annual showing of Al Groh’s Greatest Pep Talks.
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Butch’s whizbang attorney – Johnny “Flim Flam” Sasser has filed a class action suit against Duke University for scheduling Coach K’s 903 Game in direct conflict with the release of Butch’s Video. “How dare they” demanded Sasser. “Just another example of the massive conspiracy against my client.”
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And finally….. in a beach cottage in Hampstead, a woman named Dawn (Bunting) kicks back with “a cold one” and laughs and laughs and laughs and …………..
