So this dumb ol’ white boy with a ponytail chugs a few too many brewskis at a Kenny Chesney concert. Well oiled, the DOWBWAPt has some mini-fracas with a rent-a-cop coincidentally the ONLY AfAm within six blocks. (Remember it was Kenny Chesney!). Dumb Drunk White Boy throws out the N-word….. and next thing ya know America is closing its embassies in The Middle East and DDWB wins this week’s Zimmy.
Unless you have been vacationing outside the Milky Way Galaxy, you can now name a Philadelphia Eagle WR besides Harold Carmichael or Mike Quick. OK, 93% of you had forgotten both Harold and Mike. By Tuesday Riley Cooper probably won’t be a Philadelphia Eagle WR any longer so you’ll be back to zero. Whatchagonna do ??
Admit it….. when you first heard this story (can you recall that far back?) your first two thoughts were:
(1) Why was an AfAm at a Kenny Chesney concert? I mean Really!
(2) Why would an NFL WR be using the N-word? Aren’t they all black guys? Isn’t NFL WR designated a “black guy only” position? Like “all deep snappers must be white”?
The “why was an AfAm there” was quickly answered. He was a security thug.
Digression: Remind me to ask Pierce why Bill Barber doesn’t have a single no-neck white thug among his phalanx of bodyguards. There are some no-necks at my gym that could use steady work…. every Monday from 4-7PM.
Blacks at a Kenny Chesney concert? That’s like me being backstage at Fifty Cent & Rihanna At The Apollo.
As to why Riley Cooper plays wide receiver? Don’t know that one. Other than Ricky Proehl and Wes Welker, there hasn’t been a white wide-out since Tommy MacDonald was shagging flies for Norm Van Brocklin also with the Eagles. White dudes are genetically unsuited for the position. OK…. Fred Biletnikoff and Scooter Scudaro.
Riley was a receiver at Florida under Urban Meyer now involved in a GIANORMOUS Scandal….. again, stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
I had never heard of Riley Cooper until he N-worded himself onto America’s Most Wanted. Hell, Chip Kelly had never heard of Riley Cooper. Riley Cooper’s mamma thought he was a lifeguard at Rehoboth Beach until she saw his mugshot on ESPNUN2.
“Stephan A” who claims he was BFF with Rocky Balboa AND Ben Franklin said “Riley Who” when the story broke.
I’m betting Riley was really a baggage handler for Alleghany Airlines but that lacked the headline drama of Dumb NFL White Guy Says N-word…. so he was either going to be an Eagle or a Flyer and nobody knows any Flyers since Bobby Clarke so he became “an Eagle”.
So Riley Who The What gets drunk and N-words a security dude….. and wins this week’s “Zimmy”.
“A Zimmy” is named for George Zimmerman and is given out each week to whatever poor schmuck gets chosen to be Racist Of The Week. The We Want A National Race War Committee picks one each week to nudge us one step closer to a full-scale National Watts Riot. At the rate we’re headed, we should be there by Columbus Day.
Every remaining red-ink bleeding newspaper in America has a “Racist SWAT Team” on call. They might have laid off 92% of their other reporters, asst editors, ad dweebs and guys who yell “STOP THE PRESSES” but they all kept their Racist SWAT Team in tact. A full-scale country-wide race war is their last chance to avoid shutting down altogether and having to get real jobs….. so they live to over-kill any story they can gin into RACISM THRIVES IN AMERICA. ….. and along comes goofy ol’ Riley with a snootfull and KABOOM.
Hey, let’s “do a Trayvon” and show an outdated “cute young Riley” picture to gin up sympathy for him. It worked for Trayvon. Well, actually it didn’t work for Trayvon. Here goes……
Can we somehow tie Mikey Nifong to Riley?
NOBODY in their right mind “uses the N-word” any more. You say black rappers and black stand-ups use it all the time. I said “nobody in their right mind”. Pay attention. I don’t even think “da Klan” uses it any more. Maybe a few Aryan Nation cells up in the high Sierras but that’s it.
Ya think Anthony Weiner created Riley The Racist to divert the media from his latest sicko perversion? Maybe Benghazi was percolating again? Did Joe Biden finally piss in the wrong punchbowl and that needed covering up?
Whyever and whatever…. it sure worked. A-Rod had to fight each day to get 24/7 coverage of his stupid PED crap. Riley Cooper acing out A-Rod as #1 on Sportscenter. You coulda won big betting that one in Vegas.
Maybe Riley Cooper was created by Friends of PJ to hide his latest “did what??”. I bet I can sell that one to PackPride.
How big was the Riley The Racist Scandal? It was soooo big that The NFL, by executive order of Roger Goodell, has stopped its Concussion Study AND its Who Said Draft Aaron Hernandez Study to focus on Should NFL White Guys Be Allowed To Attend Kenny Chesney Concerts? That would only involve about a dozen guys. Ten if you don’t count Mannings.
Senate Democrats are demanding a Constitutional amendment to ban “anyone named Riley” from The NFL, The NBA and all Popeye Chicken restaurants in North America…. and any movies starring Denzel or Jamie Foxx.
Not to be outdone….. a spokesman for Kenny Chesney announced that while Kenny will not ban “dumb drunk white boys” from his concerts……. they will be profiling “big ones with pony tails” for the next month.
If you have a worthy candidate for next week’s Zimmy….. contact Eric Holder. Tell Eric that BobLee and AgentPierce said Hi.
(NOTE to Prince Albert….. Eric Holder is Obama’s consigliore and US Attorney General. Oops, I forget you never saw Godfather. Forget that consigliore reference.)
