THEY’RE BACK: Pretty DownEast Women.. PDEW 3.0

Ava Gardner
BobLee
June29/ 2017

… PDEW 1.0: burst upon the Internet in 2000.  The good ol’ days of Y2K.  How did THAT ever turn out by the way? The reader response to PDEW was FREAKIN’ AWESOME!  In rating subsequent BLSays creations, we no longer include PDEW as a comparable.  It has been forever retired “in a class by itself”.   Which applies to PDEWs too.

… PDEW 2.0:  a slightly modified and updated version followed in 2006.  For aficionados of PDEW#1 it was a time to recall “where I was the first time I read PDEW”.  For a tsunami of newbies, it was still FREAKIN’ AWESOME.

… VOILA… PDEW 3.0: … also slightly tweaked from both #1 and #2 but only for the better, we hope.  Including a few new pics and sayings and … our cover girl – The Incomparable Miss Scarlett O’Hara.  Tara Plantation was not “Down East” but it coulda been. I figure a few miles outside of Mount Olive.

UPDATE:  I have made an “It;s My Website” decision to replace Scarlett O’Hara with Smithfield’s Own – Ava Gardner.  Yes, Smithfield is technically NOT DE since it is west of I-95.  Again … It’s MY WEBSITE!

Ladies and Gentlemen; Boys and Girls… Here’tis –

Pretty Down East Women – PDEW 3.0

Pretty DownEast Women

June 2000:  A note from a reader in LaGrange got us thinking about DownEast and a phenomenon long noted by aficionados of feminine pulchritude. ..A geographic area whose primary purpose is as a hurricane buffer for the more civilized Piedmont area of North Carolina;

DownEast has for generations birthed and nurtured some of the prettiest wimmen on God’s Earth.  We’re not talking pretty “girls”. Every place has pretty “girls”.

We’re talking Women! ..PDEW / Pretty Down East Women.  BobLee has some theories.I 95

First we define our area.  I-95 is the Western boundary.  It serves as a Great Asphalt Wall as well as a pipeline moving Yankees back/forth to Florida stopping only for a pecan log roll at one of several Stuckeys’.

Some may think the Atlantic Ocean is the Eastern boundary … not so.  DownEast stops about 30 miles west of any brackish water. One then enters another region known simply as da beach … totally different set of demographics. The VA and SC borders further define DownEast at Checkpoint Emporia and Checkpoint Pedro (South of The Border).

DownEast is dozens of communities ranging from 5,000 to 50,000 with most in the well under 30,000 category.  Communities like Wilson, Rocky Mount, Goldsboro, Kinston, “Little Washington”, New Bern, Greenville, Clinton, Smithfield, Jacksonville, Farmville, Ayden, Warsaw, etc etc.

Educated Woman

What are my qualifications for discussing this phenomenon?  BobLee grew up in the middle of it.  I left it and can make relevant comparisons to Peachtree Street in Atlanta … Market Center in Dallas … The Plaza in Kansas City … Riverwalk in San Antonio … The Commons In Boston.  ….  I once dated a Kilgore Rangerette in Big D.   I served as a judge for a pro sports jiggle team competition.  Curve for curve, and winsome smile for smile…

Down East North Carolina Women take a backseat to No One No Where. 

We are talking relatively high maintenance elbow ornaments sharing the last names of prominent attorneys, physicians, land barons, and multi-unit car/tractor dealers.  Owning (or inheriting) 200+ acres of prime bottom land helps.  A true PDEW is home grown.  Imports can “take root” but it is rare.

In China they wrap girls’ feet to keep them dainty … DownEast they never let them beyond the Great Asphalt Wall of I-95. Young DE girls are told from birth horror stories of crime and traffic in Rawlee and beyond.  There is no reason for a pretty DE girl to ever cross I-95 except, of course, for her debut at Rawlee’s Terpsichorean Ball.  They blindfold’em for that and get’em back across I-95 before midnight.

Southern Women

There is a price that DownEast pays for their preponderance of very attractive women … they also have (uhh, how should we phrase it) not-so-pretty women.  It’s an either/or.  At some point in early adolescence a decision is made that certain young gals get all-u-can-eat passes for the Golden Corral Potato and Dessert Buffet.  Others are assigned their own chaise lounges at the local country club pool.  As they reach 14, 15, 16 the herd has been culled and branded … prancing thoroughbreds or pulling a plow.

Not all PDEW are matrimonally attached to rich guys.  Go to either Rocky Mount or Tarboro for instance. Walk into any dentists’ office to ask directions to the nearest Bojangles.  4 out of 5 receptionists will be 25-35 y/o and swallow your chewing gum pretty.  The other one will not be.  You’ll know when you go.

One of the pretty receptionists is single but having an affair with the dentist who has a PDEW at home none the wiser, except she’s having her own affair with the assistant golf pro at the club.  Somehow it all works out OK.

Go to any Member-Guest at a DownEast Country Club.  Count on three absolutes.

(1) The band will be Embers Wannabes .. (2) They will play Proud Mary a minimum of eight times … (3) There will be AT LEAST 8 Michelle Pfeiffer, Morgan Fairchild look-alikes.

Rich Girl

How do PDEW get that way?  I have research on this.  #1 is a lifetime of going to da beach almost every weekend … #2 is pouring salted peanuts in their Coca Colas … #3 is never finding out their value in the outside world.  If a PDEW gets to Rawlee or Greensboro much less Charlotte or Atlanta she learns she can get all kinds of flattering attention with little more than lip gloss and an ankle bracelet.

DownEast attorneys, physicians, land barons, etc do not like their PDEW to learn much about the outside world.  Copies of Southern Living are screened to exclude specific references to faraway places… like Atlanta.

Also, it’s genetic. If you find a baby bear in the woods, look out  Her mom is nearby.  If you see a PDEGirl (16-18) a/k/a “purty li’l gal”… count on a mid 40s PDEMom a/k/a “Hottie Mamma”at home … AND a still fine looking 65-70 PDEGrandma a/k/a “Grande Dame” not too far away too.  They pass down the genes and the beauty secrets.

NOTE:  Since we first posted this sixteen years ago; they’ve all bumped up a category.

If you ever find yourself in the presence of three generations of DownEast-grown Steel Magnolias (plus a plate of deviled eggs) … pinch yourself cause you might have died and gone to Heaven.  Mad Mohammed can have his 70 virgins.  Give me a DownEast Steel Magnolia of any generation … Jimmy Capps’ Our Best To You on the AM radio … and a cucumber sandwich.  That defines Heaven to any man-boy lucky enough to know what I’m talking about.

Southern GirlThe worst mistake a PDEW can make is not using an industrial strength sunscreen.  Da Beach is wonderful for keeping a healthy glow and showing off the hard bod but if the skin starts looking and feeling like saddle leather the PDEW better start looking for a divorce lawyer.  Every 50 y/o PDEW knows there are two 25 y/o PDEW chomping at the bit to get her locker at da club.

Any decent DownEast divorce lawyer knows that pay her club membership for life is standard text in the opening paragraph of any settlement.  A PDEW without a local club membership is a desperate individual.  Paunchy, bald and horny DownEast chiropractors cruise for this particular category of desperate damsel in distress.

PDEW who find themselves in a 40+ mid-life mess (i.e. incompetent divorce lawyer) usually move to Rawlee and study for their real estate license.

So long as a PDEW stays with SPF 30 and above and doesn’t supersize on Bojangles’ seasoned fries, she can be the Princess Di of Lenoir County or wherever.  Of course, being a former Kilgore Rangerette isn’t a bad life either.


Southern Charm

More BobLee Says

NOTE:  The Incomparable CNR a/k/a “Coach” left two lengthy Reader Comments late Thursday on the Monkeys column.  If you are a CNR disciple (and aren’t we all) you need to read’em.  No Kennel, he doesn’t mention you this time.

MAYBE AgentPierce’s BEST EVER…

“So Donald Trump said to Lady Astor… “  

BobLee
  • THeel69 Reply
    3 months ago

    You nailed it. BTW, BK gave me and my wife a tour today of original “home place” here at Kennel’s Beach. He sends his regards.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Never been there but I know Bob is very proud of it!

  • Bob Kennel Reply
    3 months ago

    BL, truly classic column. I didn’t grow up part of the country club crowd but didn’t mean I wasn’t aware of PDEW’s. But they weren’t my cup of tea because I was heading west of I-95 for many reasons and 40 years. Did understand the culture, but it wasn’t for me. (But you and ’68 already knew that😎)
    Sitting here at Kennel’s Beach noting the latest development batch of PDEW’s including my 12 year old granddaughter 😅
    Sorry we can’t do much Dodger/Cardinal smacktalk this year. I do assume you’re making some $ off of “RedbirdRants”
    You do write “good” despite other cultural limitations 😂

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Yes but the $$$ may not outweigh other factors. AS you might have figured out; I’m not too fond of Board Monkeys and a Board Monkey Mentality.
      .
      PDEWS are not just “a Country Club factor”. Some of “the finest” come from “just regular folks”.

  • Doug Reply
    3 months ago

    Let me get some music stuff outta the way since it’s not, as you claim, your cuppa tea. Funny you mention Jimmy “Our Best To You” Capps. Mr Capps also had a recording studio and record label in Raleigh. JCP Records. His biggest recorded act was The Embers. He also recorded other eastern NC bands like Kinston’s own, The Entertainers, which featured local boys in including the late Richard Cowper, Mike Kohler, Robert Brown, Max Stainbeck, and the legendary late Donnie Ray Boone on vocals.This was early to mid 60’s before the CRA and the band was, like many others in the region, integrated. Funny how it didn’t matter. Even when they showed up and played at KCC, MHCCC, Coral Bay Club, etc. Well there was a small problem once in Smithfield but it didn’t turn into Ferguson.
    .
    Now on to the main course. Has anyone ever told you this is a classic? Ok. Where was the best place to view a herd of PDEW all in one place? A compilation of every place you mentioned and more. OK, I’ll tell. It was in Morehead City at (no fish market jokes) The Sanitary Fish Market. Tony’s as everyone still calls it.
    .
    In the mid to late 60’s one could go to Tony’s on a Friday or Saturday night in summer and view the entire collection of PDEW in one meal JUST from the waitresses working there on summer jobs. I’ll never forget Miss Amanda serving me my shrimp and oyster combination plate. Hubba Hubba. Auburn hair and cat, green eyes, shaped like a guitar.
    .
    At Tony’s all the waitresses were called Miss ____ “order ready at table 22.” Miss Amanda was not alone. There were so many in one pile, it was sensory overload. A target rich environment, unrivaled till this day. Afterwards all one had to do was to show up in any beach club and just wait. Sooner or later all of them would show up after work all dudded up in the latest summer attire although those little white Tony’s uniforms were kinda hot ifyouknowhatimean.
    .
    For dessert. The Embers on JCP Records. Hope the new server can take it. I feel good all over more than anyplace else. Have a nice weekend.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBToV5T8SWE

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Yes Yes Yes… The Waitresses @ Tony’s. For 30 years I have kidded legendary Kinston and Duke “Hearthrob” Leo Hart that he dated EVERY Tony’s waitress from 1963-1971. And not just the ones that were Miss NC or at least 1st 2nd runners-up which accounts for 92% of’em. He has never denied it.

  • myowngrandpaw Reply
    3 months ago

    Married a PDEW. Not only are they attractive, after 40 years they are NEVER wrong.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      If so it was never verified… no Notary was present.

  • Down East Heel Reply
    3 months ago

    They’re back??? Brother they never left!!!! Glad to see Ayden made the cut in this post. There is a reason ECU has a reputation for purty coeds.

    You left out beach music. I think that plays into the equation. Norman Johnson sang about Carolina Girls. PDEW’s deserve a song all their own.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Music is not my genre. I will support and promote any such campaign you start. I bet we can count on Henry Hinton’s media empire to support us.

  • Former96heel Reply
    3 months ago

    A Holy inspired chef d’oeuvre BobLee
    God Bless them all, and you and yours as well

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Great Fun for a Friday, huh? 🙂

  • Mercer.Mc Reply
    3 months ago

    This is the first x I have read one of your PDEW pieces. You are very much on point. I, like yourself, have pretty much lived in the four corners of the South in the past 45 yrs. From Ktown to Memphis, Nawlins, Coral Gables and all points in between. I will say, da Delta women are right there with our PDEW. Just saying.(:>)

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Exhaustive experience comparing regional pulchritude is a sign of a well-spent Life. 🙂

      • Mercer.Mc Reply
        3 months ago

        True dat..I have a 20 yr old granddaughter from an Ole Miss trophy chick who is now a Sparty at East Lansing, who qualifies as a PDEW descendent. You my Fairfield friend have a bunch to look forward to with your grandkids in the burner. All the best..MM

        • BobLee Reply
          3 months ago

          My first challenge will be getting them out of Wis-freakin-consin and multiple degrees of latitude south. Nashville and/or Richmond are already being mentioned as possibilities.

  • Underthelongineclock Reply
    3 months ago

    I forwarded the Churchill quote to my wife (MSN Duke), my daughter (PhD. MUSC) and my sister-in-law (PharmD, UNC). You made me a hero. Thanks.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Sir Winston was a very smart fellow!

  • AO.in.GSBO Reply
    3 months ago

    Two prettiest I ever had the pleasure of sporting in my college days were from Mullins and Little River, SC.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Then you met little CJ and put away childish thoughts… 🙂

  • NCSU68Grad Reply
    3 months ago

    BL,
    I think you about summed it up…your theories and postulates have been proven over and over.
    I would add credibility to the “incompetent divorce lawyer” and “real estate agent” syndrome. Having NOT used sunscreen (we called it sunTAN lotion) as a child and having poor DNA that produces a basal carcinoma at least every 16 moons, I will offer an incident.
    .
    In the mid 2000’s or so when RaWlee and CaRRy was on fire, real estate wise, I had one removed by a plastic surgeon on Kildare Farm road in Cary. Procedure was done in Wake Med and follow-up healing visits at his office….which was later torn down for a Senior Citizen complex. This surgeon also did face lifts (Mika’s?) and breast work (not the Colonel Saunders variety). So, the office was filled with females of esteemed beauty and “assets”. I was the only male. But, then the phones started to jingle and they would rush, jiggling, out the door and onto the porch or to their Lexuses. Finally, it was me and the receptionist. NO FEMALES. This was late in the afternoon about the time that the “closings” would have started. The receptionist would call names and no response. Then she said, come on back….I’ll have to go outside and round them up. I then quipped something and she replied that trying to keep the recently “overhauled” real estate queens on time for the “DOCTOR” was a frustrating job. She was of average beauty, but NOT a PDEW. I will admit that there were some “Yankees” in the group, based on the accents….but maybe they were PNEW’s or such.
    .
    Also living for a while in North Hampton County and being in the social bridge and “Proud Mary” dances group, we had a “Long” of the Tahboah Long’s….and she could have been one of your poster girls. But, her Fahmah husband would talk shop during the dances and she would want to dance (slow or otherwise) and come over and “pickup” any available male and then that male’s wife would stand with arms crossed and a glaze that would melt the southern ice cap whilst they were on the floor. We did not have lasers back then….but supposedly Theodore Harold Maiman once visited a Conway couple and attended a dance in the Woodland Armory and was inspired and the rest is part of the “Physics” history.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      …and thus the laser was born. I always figured Kennel was involved in that one too… along with Kevlar, TV, the wheel and fire.

  • Babs.in.Derm Reply
    3 months ago

    Good one, and glad you still have Scarlett at the forefront!!! Someone asked me, the other day, about Atlanta women. I told them that when I moved there in ’79, it was full of beautiful women, but I noticed a change as the years went by. I moved there when I was 23, and one day I was sitting outside eating lunch with a friend of mine when we were hitting 40. I said, “Mo, have you noticed the young ladies lately? In my opinion, we looked a hell of a lot better when we were that age than they do now”. She agreed. They had already started looking skanky, and that was 21 years ago. I can’t imagine now.
    .
    Anyway, they asked how difficult it was to compete with them. I told them it wasn’t difficult at all, as I had come from a place where competition starts right out of the womb, and my classmates were some of the prettiest girls I had seen. They didn’t get on homecoming courts and become Sweet Carolines by being ugly. Therefore, the competition was merely in the numbers, not how attractive they were.
    .

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      I lived in Peachtree City in the mid 70s. Peachtree Street or Lenox Square on a windy Spring day was “as good as it gets” for Southern Belle watching.

  • Robedixon Reply
    3 months ago

    Those who do not understand that PDEW east of say US Highway 17 are different from those west of US 17 and east of I-95 are not true down east men either. Being a member of the Kinston Country Club or Coharie Country Club, etc. is totally different than being a member of the Coral Bay Club or Crystal Coast Country Club.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      If one owns enough John Deere dealerships or Bojangles franchises, one can be a member of both. Yes, there IS a difference. BD, I figured you would put in a vote for JoCo women ??

  • rivlax Reply
    3 months ago

    Have to say that South Alabama is about as bountiful an area for incredible pulchritude that I’ve ever run across. My year-and-a-half in grad school at Auburn happily coincided with the hot pants era. Walking up the stairs at Haley Center was always a treat. But later, when I worked in the governor’s office, the number of 30-35-something Miss America-type receptionists, assistants, etc., in the State Capitol in Montgomery was just mind-boggling.

    And P.S.: Used to listen to “Our Best To You” all the time when I went to Fedvul Senior High (that’s Fayetteville to outsiders).

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      “Pretty girls” are like “Barbecue”… everyone is entitled to their favorite places to enjoy both. We will no doubt be hearing from proponents of South Carolina’s Low Country… Mississippi… and South Georgia. Ain’t America Great?
      .
      I hereby authorize anyone to delete “DownEast” for their region of choice…. PSAW works just fine! 🙂

      • Chesnutt Reply
        3 months ago

        On point column. And don’t forget Willaims Lake and the Blue Notes at Faison Produce Market. And ECU girls have always been PDEW. Married one.

        • BobLee Reply
          3 months ago

          I’m all for praising ECU coeds… BUT they did NOT invent the “cowgirl boots and skirts” gamely look. At last count 36 schools claim they did that.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>