The price of Smoothie Machines keeps going up… and up.

IPF
BobLee
July18/ 2017

The price of Smoothie Machines keeps going UP… and UP… and UP!

Smoothie Machine

The reference to Smoothie Machines might confuse our ever-growing army of BobLeeSays newbees. You newbees would really be confused by a reference to The Hindenburg Hangar… or Dabo’s Incredible Six Flags Over Clemson.

All three are phrases coined right here on this little ol’ website over the past several years.

They are intended as catch-phrases to personify the uber manic ridiculous addiction of rich old white guys to throw bazillions of “Benjamins” towards the attraction of and procurement of the athletic talents of semi-literate 17 y/o African American youth to their respective alma maters (actual or adopted)… for “a couple of years”.

Did You Know… the phrase “Benjamins” refers to the picture of Benjamin Franklin on the $100 bill.

Ol’ Ben, via his doppleganger “Poor Richard”, could have some fun exposing the rampant absurdity of these never-ending Bling Wars by the afore-mentioned rich ol’ fat cat boosters.

Luring their fair share, or more…, of the annual migration of athletically-gifted semi-literate young AfAms to Power Five campuses reached absurd levels quite some time ago. The current absurdity indicates you ain’t been paying attention the past twenty years or more.

Last week we received the latest projections of the cost of playing Big Time College Football poker for The University of The People over yonder at The Southern Part of Heaven… where “a sleeping giant” lies “amid the towering pines”.

LINK to Latest $$$$ Estimates.

This is about a week old. So add another 5-6%.   Yes… I know this article discusses more projects than just the IPF.

The longest prologue in modern Internet history gets us to today’s topic… the never-ending hyper-escalation of Recruiting Bling as personified over at UNCCH.

About 2-3 years ago some enterprising Junior Assistant Administrative Athletic Director for TeamBubba noticed that “even Wake Forest and NC State” were completing IPFs.

An IPF is an Indoor Practice Facility specifically for practicing football in in-climate weather.

Actually it is a “Lookee Here… we got us one of them IPF things too. So whatcha say you sign your “X” right’cher on this offer sheet.”

It should be noted that Knute Rockne, Pop Warner, Amos Alonzo Stagg, and even Vince “By Gawd” Lombardi never needed an IPF to field competitive football teams. Both South Bend IN and Green Bay WI do have their share of in-climate weather in mid-late Fall. Who knew…

Hell fire… If “even Wake Forest and NC State have’em” there was no question UNCCH had to have one too. And it better be bigger, better and more blingy because…

We lampooned NC State’s “Hindenburg Hangar” several years ago. The Atlantic Division – ACC – and National Championhips sure to follow its opening yet unattained.  Had the Hindenburg Hangar been “just a bit blingier” would that chip shot FG at Death Valley have split the uprights? Ahhh… what might have been.

Not about to find it’s IPF “not blingy enough”… we learned from a not particularly reliable source “over yonder” that UNCCH’s IPF was going to include “a Smoothie Machine”. WHOA!

THAT Smoothie Machine would surely “close the deal” on any semi-literate 17 y/o who “had not visited Dabo’s Incredible Six Flags Over Clemson (DISFOC)”.

At DISFOC, every visiting recruit (PLUS each member of his posse) receives their very own Smoothie Machine.   Damn you Dabo!

With that messy Greatest Eligibility Scam thing still squatting ‘oer Franklin Street, UNCCH felt “just one Smoothie Machine” in its IPF would have to sufficRihannae… for now.

NOTE:  A whizbang idea to include an iMax screen showing Rihanna videos on a continual loop did get axed… but only after intense debate.   Raise you hand if you think I’m kidding.

More shiny bling can be added after UNCCH’s Mercenary Army of Ruthless (and VERY expensive) Lawyers whup the crap outta the NCAA’s measly little legal beagles around 2022 or thereabouts.

Colorful Comparison: Best estimate of the final costs of UNCCH’s Legal / PR Obfuscation of The Greatest Eligibility Scam in NCAA History is pegged at “about equal to two fancy IPFs plus a couple of Big Name Coordinators”.

Alas and alack… the price of Smoothie Machines keeps going UP and UP and UP. Requiring those rich ol’ fat cat in The Rams Club to keep anteing UP and UP and UP to satisfy their lust for BRAGGIN’ RIGHTS.

The original estimate of “about $20,000,000 or so” (which was A LOT of “Benjamins”) was laughable before the glue on the “lookee here” scale model was dry. Even the “or so” was silly. The current estimate is “Hell, who knows… who cares?”

Ain’t nobody gonna out Dabo Dabo when it comes to Ridiculous Recruiting Bling, but… hopefully for UNCCH’s rich old fat cats their IPF will be blingier than Wake Forest’s and NC State’s.  At the end of the day… isn’t that all that really matters?

BobLee; do Really Big Rams Club fat cat donations still come with that sticky “Don’t let ‘dem boys try hookin’ up with my daughter or granddaughter – or else” provision?

I have not heard that they do or don’t.

Want to know how many “reading tutors” an institution can employ for “$20,000,000 or so”… divide $20,000,000 by give/take $30,000. It’s at least one reading tutor per semi-literate “student-athlete”.

That assumes, of course, that converting semi-literate 17 y/os into quasi-literate 21 y/os is a priority for ANYONE involved. Bwahahahaha….

Imagine…

“No, we do not give every recruit his own Smoothie Machine, but we do GUARANTEE that when he leaves here HE CAN FREAKIN’ READ… at least at a 9th grade level.”… sigh.  FWIW:  Dabo is not promising that.

BLS banner   LINK

Our pal AgentPierce has a few choice comments on Barry “Sportin’Life” Saunders departing The News&Observer.  OH MY! ….. LINK.

BobLee
  • ultraviolet Reply
    3 months ago

    UNC has been waiting until their cohorts build theirs so they can double and triple up on the scale and bling. Of course it’ll all be funded by the boosters to build so they can then ‘donate’ it to the state for maintenance, utilities, repairs, upgrades, etc., all the while proclaiming they saved the taxpayers money, unlike at the inferior facilities at other local institutions who really shouldn’t be trying to compete at the level UNC does anyway.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      The scam that Skipper Bowles pulled with TDD “maintenance forever” could never be possible with today’s NCGA. Not enough Repub legislators with UNCCH ties as there used to be.

  • myowngrandpaw Reply
    3 months ago

    Over on the Hill yesterday. What a mess.
    Is all that construction going to be finished before August?
    Navy field and fetzer both dust clouds.

    Woolen complex is unrecognizable. Learned how to swim in Bowman Grey. Tin Can long gone. Trees, what are they.

    What are they doing around the student union?

    Went years without seeing a backhoe in Chapel Hill. Now there is one on almost every street!
    Not to mention orange barrels and road closed signs.

    Over in Durham as well. How long have they had fencing up around the Duke Chapel? Still there. Diverted three times because of road closings looking for Sarah P flower garden.

    Tough to declare those two campuses as quiet and scenic!

    Where will they practice soccer and football?

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Understand FB will practice in Kenan this Fall. Gonna beat the crap out of the Kenan greensward for sure.
      .
      No clue what soccer will do.

  • Ed.O.76 Reply
    3 months ago

    Where is Kennel? I would think he would be all over this?

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Dunno. Contrary to popular belief, I am not Mr Kennel’s keeper. I do not keep him in a small box in my basement. He is a free-range curmudgeon who comes/goes as he pleases.
      .
      Maybe he is down at The N&O pestering them to give him Barry Saunders’ old gig. Since Barry doesn’t have it any more.

  • CNR Reply
    3 months ago

    Bread and Circuses financed by gluttonous braggadocios.
    .
    I should have added, “as a tax write-off. Wherever I have been, large pocketed braggart alums have been mentally deranged in some way. Look at me. Look at me, I am really important. Their priorities are definitely in reverse order.

  • NCSU68Grad Reply
    3 months ago

    Circa 2015, we went to a NE Patriots practice session in Foxboro. Next to last one. Crowded with 25K fans due to rain forecast for final one. It rained heavily. Pat’s practiced in Gillette stadium to get the feel of it. Brady and Belichek commented on how great it was and would help them. Started to email AD Yow the link.
    .
    In Cape Breton NS. Wingate U has an alumni tour going on. Chatted with them at Ft. Louisborough. Met an ASU grad at restaurant. None wearing UNC garb.
    .
    Only way for NCAA to make POINT with UNC is to hit them with big time fines. And to make UNC pay them and all legal fees from AD Budget…not Carol Folt’s little petty cash drawer called UNC Fund Excess, Undesignated Earnings. Or from University Funds.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Any $$$ fine will be covered by a valise filled with non-sequential bills covered in fat cat fingerprints.

  • Doug Reply
    3 months ago

    I’ve come full circle on IPF’s. If it makes them happy to spend money on those things, I say let em be. I do wonder what the next big must have thing will be.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Me too. I am continually awed by what seemingly intelligent people consider “important” in their lives. Spending multi-$1,000s simply for hoped-for Bragging Rights never ceases to astound me. … It’s “their $$$” to spend however they please…

      • Doug Reply
        3 months ago

        FYI, its Christmas in July on Hallmark.

        • BobLee Reply
          3 months ago

          Beautiful people in beautifully quaint New England villages where every snowfall is….. snow globe beautiful.

  • Former96heel Reply
    3 months ago

    It’s been a while since I graced that area of campus, but is that the view from Gene Nichol’s office at the Law School? If so, they need to move more dumpsters over there. Expensive smoothie machines are a relative bargain to that windbag. And where does the true juggernaut of UNC athletics play now if they have taken out Fetzer Field? That being the Lady Tar Heel soccer team. I’m doubting many of the really Fat Cats even knew we played that, or cared.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Don’t know if it is Ol’ Gasbag’s office or not. I don’t think its the same window where ECU’s Ed Emory once placed spies before a UNC-ECU game in the 80s.
      .
      I was thinking recently that its been “a while” since Anson Dorrance’s “Flying Ponytails” won a NatCHMP. Has Anson lost his MoJo?

      • Former96heel Reply
        3 months ago

        I’m guessing the rest of the Women’s soccer programs not just closed the gap, but overtook the Heels there. If there was only an ACC Network where I could keep up to date on the ins and outs of it all, I would consider keeping cable!
        .
        I forgot the turf field was over there too. Watched my older brother play a club FB game once. He made a tackle, took his helmet off and threw up on the field. He’s pretty convinced there wasn’t a sober player on the field that entire year.

        • BobLee Reply
          3 months ago

          Johnny Swofford says an ACC Network is inevitable… and soon. ESPN CEO John Skipper(UNC’75) agrees.

      • ultraviolet Reply
        3 months ago

        The Russians are selling UNC practice video and game plans on Ebay these days.

  • Todd Lesley Reply
    3 months ago

    My Wolfpack and their “Hangar” are stealing recruits away from big time programs like Tulane, UCF and Liberty….just to name a few. I crack up every time I see we landed a three star recruit who chose us over a bunch of nobodies. I do believe we would get these same players without the “Hangar” and with OCain still on the sidelines.

    • BobLee Reply
      3 months ago

      Philip Rivers didn’t need “a Hangar”. Neither did Torey Holt… or Russell Wilson… or Mike Glennon… or Mario Williams… Roman Gabriel didn’t even need Carter Stadium… neither did Bob Kennel. WHOA!

      • Porgie Reply
        3 months ago

        Or Bud Deters

        • BobLee Reply
          3 months ago

          The Legend of “Buddo” Deters Lives !!! ONE of the last of the straight-on placekickers.

          • Dr. Vinnyboombatz
            3 months ago

            A related fact to this column.
            In 30 days UNC meets with the NCAA COI.
            The NCAA has also released it’s report on the Louisville case.
            They hit the Cards pretty hard for far less than the Heels have been accused of doing.

          • BobLee
            3 months ago

            I vacillate trying to guess what the verdict will be. Still not sure how hard I would drop the hammer. Regardless it will be appealed. A $$$ fine is meaningless unless its $50,000,000 or some such “real money” even then it won’t hurt whatever wallets it comes out of. Taking the banners from BOTH ’05 AND ’09 would blow up Franklin Street worse than Trump’s W in November.
            .
            IMO, very hard to compare the natures of UNC vs L-ville “crimes”.

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