AP… Stoopid Liberal Crap for: Week of April 15-21
I’m trying a new format. Let me know how you like it….
Being your intrepid War Correspondent in America’s Us versus Them War has a built-in problem. There is simply way too much ongoing “stoopid liberal crap” to report.
“They” do / say something totally outrageous and I get ready to write 500-700 words about it. Then 30 minutes later “they” do/say something equally or even more ridiculous, and I stop / delete my earlier column to report “the latest”. In the course of a normal day… that scenario reoccurs A LOT.
The dis-honorary designation – THAT is the stoopidest liberal crap I have ever heard – has a shelf life of maybe three hours on any given day. …. So here is AgentPierce’s Plan B:
Each week I will select the 3-5 Most Stoopid Liberal Crap of the past week and capsule those with links for your viewing pleasure. Obviously these selections are “my opinion” based on what I find during my media perusing. I might miss “a doozie” now and then. You can have your own collection.
Most of these topics will be well-publicized Stoopid Liberal Crap that most of you saw a related headline about. If not… now you will know.
This weeks’ selections are…
• New York City Under Attack By …
• Starbucks DOES WHAT ??
• Jimmy Kimmel Goes Homophobe
• Another Charlotte Elected Official Declared INSANE
You get the idea. Each topic will get 200 or so well-chosen words of well-deserved ridicule.
The Greatest Threat to New York City Since 9/11…
If you thought it was souvenir baby alligators flushed down toilets to grow gigantic in the sewers – WRONG! It is the arrival of the #3 fast food restaurant chain in America – Chick-fil-A … or, as New Yorker Magazine calls it – that horrible bigoted, racist, homophobic creepy “Christian” chicken place…
Gotham’s first Chick-fil-A is doing TREMENDOUS business (Of Course) because their “original chicken sandwich” is simply really really good… and customer service is outstanding.
But, alas, New Yorker Magazine is in a tizzy. The socio-moral fibre of The Big Apple is imperiled by this poultry-based invader. So I did my own research…
It’s “the pickle”. You know that pickle chip that C-f-A sets on top of the chicken in each sandwich? …. WELL, apparently C-f-A CEO Don Cathey has implanted a micro-dot in each pickle chip.
Assuming over 8,000,000 New Yorkers will have a C-f-A sandwich (& pickle) in the next six months… Cathey figures by December millions of New Yorkers will be strolling up/down 5th Avenue wishing one another “MERRY CHRISTMAS”! … and won’t THAT be AWFUL?
Apparently it will to those “stoopid liberals” at New Yorker Magazine.
Starbuck’s Does WHAT?
No doubt you heard “What Starbucks is doing”. An employee at one of their over-priced Philadelphia stores made an error in judgement regarding two “men of color” occupying a table but not purchasing any product. That borders on “loitering”. Also, Starbucks, like many establishments, restricts restroom use to active customers. That is usually an arbitrary policy designed to prevent homeless people from living in a store’s restrooms.
The employee did not handle the situation in the most diplomatic way. A call was made to 911 and the two “men of color” were arrested. Apologies to the alleged perps along with a handful of Free Coffee coupons… and retraining the store employee on diplomacy… and this “stoopid liberal crap” never becomes “stoopid liberal crap” at all…. BUT NOOOOO!
Starbuck Top Execs were MORTIFIED at the turn of events in Philly. They announced a closing of 8,000 stores in order to re-indoctrinate all its employees in proper techniques in “racial relations” with its non-Caucasian customers.
FYI: Starbucks’ non-Caucasian customer faction amounts to .000002% of its total national business except in “The Hamptons” where it is ZERO%… unless one counts Arab arms merchants and two Filipino houseboys who work for Elton John.
This OH ME… OH MY Gross Over-Reaction stopped the presses all over Earth. Blow-dried Trump-hating media nitwits reported the story with a grim seriousness usually reserved for “a Confederate soldier statue”… or a skanky Kardashian hooking up with three NBA players, four famous rappers and two transgendered midgets.
None other than notorious race-baiter Obama-buddy Eric Holder will be part of Starbuck’s Mandatory Race Indoctrination Session. Having Eric Holder lead a racial bias program is akin to asking Adolph Hitler to officiate at a Bar Mitzvah.
I am suggesting President Trump issue an Executive Order immediately requiring Starbucks to sell all 8,000 stores at $1.00 apiece to Chick-fil-A.
That might be asking a bit much… but it won’t hurt for me to suggest it… now where did I put Donald’s super-secret phone #?
Jimmy Kimmel Calls Hannity a WHAT?
Jimmy Kimmel (Who?) and FoxNews’s Sean Hannity got into a nasty Tweeter War last week. Kimmel (he’s one of those last night show C-list Whozits you never watch) insulted FLOTUS Melania Trump over her accent. Hannity demanded he apologize.
IMO… Sean shoulda noted what this jackass did to reaffirm why he is “a jackass” and dropped it but NOOOOO…
Kimmel tweeted back with assorted toilet talk usually reserved for smart-mouthed punks… and Sean countered with similar invectives. Several X-rated twitter volleys later, Kimmel launched The Ultimate Insult …. He implied Sean and Donald Trump engaged in homosexual sexual activity. Uh Oh!
To liberal-hero Jimmy Kimmel… accusing another man of being “gay”… “queer”… “a faggot” is the ultimate insult based apparently on Kimmel’s low opinion of the Homosexual life-choice.
Hannity kept demanding Kimmel apologize to Mrs Trump but Kimmel refused UNTIL “The Gay Community” learned what he – Kimmel – had done… i.e. revealed his true disrespect / ridicule for homosexuals. An opinion shared by A LOT of heterosexual liberals by the way.
As soon as the Gay Gang dropped the hammer on Kimmel he immediately apologized profusely… and, rumor has it, he was sentenced to roam the streets of San Francisco for a week wearing a pink leather leotard with a butt cut-out… stopping every 20’ to pick up an imaginary bar of soap. That has not been confirmed.
When asked about the kerfluffle, FLOTUS Melania Trump flashed her radiant killer-smile and replied in perfect English… “Jimmy Who?”
ANOTHER Charlotte Elected Official declared INSANE…
Ringling Bros Circus closed down several years ago. Among other concerns about the future of midget, giraffes and those awesome “trapeze women” … What happened to all the Clowns? Now we know…
They moved to Charlotte and got themselves elected to the City Council.
Charlotte already owns the world-record for “Cities Named Charlotte With Multiple Mayors-of-Color Indicted and/or Perp-walked.” … and for “Cities In North Carolina with Mayors named Jennifer Roberts who consort with known child-molesters to give perverts access to Little Girls’ Rooms”. One would think that was enough… but NOOOOO.
Last week some here-to-fore unknown flaming nitwit named LaWana Mayfield went public – on the record – and blabbered out a 9/11 Conspiracy so incredible even the other flaming nitwits on the Charlotte City Council were flabbergasted.
Even McClatchey’s local Charlotte Observer’s notorious Opinion Board declared this rabid lunatic to be “a loonie”.
This was believed to be the FIRST time anyone at The Financially-imperiled Charlotte Observer has EVER spoke unkindly of any “person-of-color” since Panther Rae Carruth killed his baby mamma. They did disapprove of that.
A groundswell of public blowback to LaWana’s gross nitwittery demanded her resignation for simply being “a pure fool”. But, alas, there is no statute in Charlotte requiring any elected official to have the sense God gave a billy-goat. That had, of course, been proven long before LaWana got herself elected.
My first thoughts after reading The Observer’s account was… (1) Is LaWana trying to become North Carolina’s version of Maxine Waters? … (2) how pitiful must the sumbitch be that this flaming nitwit defeated to get on The Charlotte City Council?
And so it goes… Another Exciting Week of Stoopid Liberal Crap.
Toodle Loo until Next Week…
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