BL:. Graduation Advice from Faux Pelini ….

    Faux Pelini
    BobLee
    May28/ 2018

    BLS Header.

    A little something different today.  Rather than sharing My Insights, I am sharing the satirical insights of “Faux Pelini”.  “Faux Pelini” is a persona on my favorite sports website – The Athletic.com . 

    I’ve told you about The Athletic.com several times.  It is a subscription website that costs $45/year to access.  There are NO ADs… NO POP-UPs… NO AUTO-AUDIO… NONE of the invasive crap you have to endure on all other websites (except this one of course).   You customize your The Athletic Home Page to the sports, teams and writers you are interested in… that is all you are shown.  You can access all other sports et al if you choose.  The articles are very very good and I am a very tough judge of such things.

    I have no idea who “Faux Pelini” is or why his name is a play on the name of former Nebraska HFC Bo Pelini.  He (I assume a “he”) is my kinda guy in that he does not take himself or sports seriously.  He is a regular contributor to The Athletic.com … Alas, I cannot simply LINK to his column at The Athletic.com because it is Members Only access for the most part.

    The following Advice To New Graduates is similar to columns I wrote 8-10 years ago on similar occasions.  It is Good Stuff and absolutely ZERO in-your-face politics… YIPPEEE!  …. ENJOY!

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    Real advice from a fake football coach: Faux Pelini’s graduation address to the Class of 2018

    By Faux Pelini May 25, 2018 39
    Over the past several months, you have entrusted me with your important life problems in this space. I’ve learned several things along the way (including that there are many people who believe that a fake football coach on the internet is a proper source of life advice). I will now pass along the lessons I’ve learned to the graduating Class of 2018.

    Graduates of the Class of 2018, 

    Congratulations, you did it. You didn’t fail out of school.Faux Pelini

    And now you’re getting a diploma, because that’s what happens to college students when they avoid failing classes long enough to pile up the magic number of credits.

    The good news is that this was all good practice — much of life is about not failing. Most days are about just surviving and piling up credits.

    This doesn’t mean that mistakes are bad, though. A mistake is only stupid if you ignore the lesson. That’s why the best mistakes are the ones that other people make — you pay nothing for those lessons, so don’t ignore them. The road to Moronville is paved with little bricks that say “That could never happen to me.”

    Don’t be afraid of mistakes, but at the same time, don’t make the Big Mistake. Luckily, it’s easy to avoid the Big Mistakes because they mostly involve not doing something, like driving drunk or taking a selfie on a cliff or hiring Charlie Weiss.

    A lot of you will soon hit the streets looking for gainful employment. When you sit down for an interview, tell your future boss why hiring you will be good for him or her, not you.  And don’t ask them about advancement in the company — interviewing sucks, and they don’t want to envision going through it again as soon as you find something else to do at the company.

    When you do get a job, do that job. Just be the new guy for a while. The job will be boring at times, because the new guy gets to do the boring stuff. It’s just how it works. Don’t worry about your career yet — a career is something that mostly exists looking backward, not forward. It will work itself out.

    Figure out what keeps your boss up at night, and do things that make him less worried about that. That’s your Real Job.

    You’ll eventually get asked to do more stuff. Do all of it. But be indispensable, not irreplaceable; irreplaceable people rarely get promoted. Give great presentations, but don’t be the only one who knows how to work the projector.

    Most of all, don’t become great at something you don’t like doing. That’s a cruel trap. But if you do hate your job (or your shirt, or your car), get a new one or shut up. There’s nothing more boring than a person who complains about his own decision.

    All of the people you come across during your life will be people, so you need to start figuring people out.

    Like, don’t trust a person who lies when the truth would do just fine. That person will lie about anything.

    Liars lie, babies cry, hamsters die. These things will only bother you if you expected something different to happen. So set your expectations for others as low as you can — they will rarely disappoint you.

    Stay away from people who brag, because bragging is a sign that a person has reached the end of his potential.

    If a person’s justification for doing something is that he has the “right” to do it — like booing college football players because he bought a ticket to the game — don’t be his friend, because his brain is very small.

    Don’t compare yourself against neighbors or colleagues or acquaintances. There will be an endless supply of people with bigger/smaller boats, bank accounts and brains. People-ranking is a game you can’t win or lose, so don’t play.

    If you want to eventually get married, don’t date people you know you won’t marry. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. And if you’re not sure whether you should keep dating someone, stop dating them. Sometimes you answer a question just by asking it.

    If someone asks you something and you don’t know, a useful thing to say is “I don’t know.” Many people are afraid to say these words — I don’t know why, but I do know that they are exhausting.

    If you realize you’re wrong about a thing, change your mind and you immediately won’t be wrong anymore.

    There are going to be lots of reasons you should apologize for something, but never apologize just because someone is mad.

    Never tell someone “It’s only a game.” People get to decide what is important to them.

    Don’t clutter your brain with a list of things you really should be doing, like cleaning the garage. If you want a clean garage, clean it. If you don’t, don’t. There’s no “should” about it, because you are the boss of your garage, not the other way around.

    Never eat a bad cheeseburger. If you’re going to do something that’s bad for you, make sure it’s worth it.

    Try doing stuff that interests you even (especially) if you might look ridiculous. The only people who will make fun of you are the losers who can’t do it anyway. And if you are drawn to something even though it’s hard or scary, it might be your Thing.

    Don’t worry about things you can’t control. If you worry something bad will happen and it happens, you will have suffered it twice.

    Play fantasy football, but always remember that nobody gives a shit about your fantasy football team.

    Today you feel like friendships are permanent, but many of them won’t be. Friends will come and go (and some will come back). When a friendship ends, it doesn’t mean it failed, it just means it ran its course — it served its purpose for a time and place.

    And anyway, all friendships have a beginning and an end — you’ll either go to your best friend’s funeral or she’ll go to yours. Just because something ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile.

    Sometimes supporting a friend means demanding more of him. Learn the art of being on a friend’s side without taking his side.

    Don’t worry about getting old, because mathematically you can never actually get old: “Old” will always feel like your age plus 15 years, and that number conveniently changes with every birthday.

    Life is full of parts — some good, some bad, most somewhere in between. When a good part comes along — like a graduation, for example — pause and celebrate it completely. If you don’t squeeze all the juice out of the good parts of life, what are you even doing on this planet?

    Congratulations. You’re living the Good Ol’ Days right now. Don’t take them for granted.

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    BobLee
    • fayettewuf Reply
      2 weeks ago

      I have sat through over 50 commencement addresses. None had a tenth the valuable advice Coach Pelini’s did. It is always great to hear from CNR.

      • BobLee Reply
        2 weeks ago

        AND… Faux Pelini’s comments were NOT POLITCAL… just “Old School Common Sense”… which radical lib faculties fear like the plague.

    • CNR Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Reply to Doug…
      .

      We kid about Piedmont Airlines but it was above good and my favorite in those days, along with AA. Wonderful three member crews. What made it great to me was the wonderful passengers out of the Ohio Valley down into ACC and SEC communities.
      .
      Early flights had businessmen, engineers, and attorneys who were basketball fans of Louisville, UK, Dayton, Xavier, Cincinnati, Miami, Evansville, Western Ky., Eastern, Morehead, WVa, Duke, Va Tech, USC, Clemson, Ga Tech, UGa, Bama, Auburn, UNC, UT, UM, UVa, NC State, Wake, Butler, and a few from IU. They were on their way to meetings and other such activities..
      .
      Hatred was lacking in those days which made the flights almost the equal of a planeload of Elks or Lions on the way to a national convention. Wait! You could add a convention load of Baptists or Methodists on the way to a convention. People were civil to one another. What a strange concept in the world of today.
      .
      The evening flights were as you stated, the alcohol flowed in the unwinding. That is, many became like KC convention members. Not so with some Baptists and some Disciples and some non KC Catholics.
      .
      Your London was my Corbin. The airport named for both was closer to London but Corbin turned out many Selvy and Bird men. They could play. There was also excellent fried chicken at Sander’s Restaurant on US 25 in Corbin.
      .
      Arch Johnson could play. He could pass, rebound, shoot like Daniel Boone, and play defense. If he had played for UK, UCLA may not have gotten Mr. Wooden’s tenth championship. He could have played the top in the point zone as no other which happened to be the weakness in the defense in the NC game. He is still considered the best to come out of the 10th Region in the mountains.
      .
      I loved the guy. He had a great career at Morehead in the OVC playing for a good friend of mine. He was a special player who would rather pass than score. He was a TEAM player who averaged nearly 20 ppg on fewer than ten shots. He could play every position on the floor.
      .
      For years I have wondered what happened to Arch, when Doug asked if I remembered him as UK had shown such interest back in ’71. It turned out that he became a great friend who worked with Doug in his profession for many years.
      .
      Arch joined in a list that included Dan Issel, Dave Cowens, Larry Bird, and Mark Soderberg through the years. “The beauty is in the eye…”
      BL knows what is meant.
      .
      Mark Soderberg? Super big man out of Southern California who played for Lute Olson in high school We got him away from nearly every school in the country, especially UCLA and USC. The entire SEC contingent was there the night we signed him. He was better than the others in the list.

    • CNR Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Reply to BobLee and to Doug.
      .
      First regarding Bret Bearup: I would never have recruited him. In my opinion, he is in a category and a box with Phil Knight, Sonny Vaccaro, Rick Pitino, Jack Molinas, Sam Gilbert, and John Galbreath,
      .
      Difficult to understand how Craig Biggio was raised in the same North Shore area of LI as was Patino, John McEnroe, and Rosie O’Donnel. It certainly wasn’t the water including the water that was Holy.
      .
      He did start one year for Joe, the final for both. It was to be Joe’s final after the disastrous eleven point second half in the NC game vs Georgetown. Fans and fat cats be fickle and unforgiving.
      .
      In point of fact, Joe had been judged by the FC bunch during the 1982-83 season when the Cats lost at Indiana, at Alabama, at Georgia, at Tennessee, and to Auburn at home. Bama beat them during the first round of the SEC tournament in Birmingham.
      .
      The smoke filled room of profanity occurred in Knoxville when the dastardly cheats from over in Louisville put a beatdown on the Blues, 80-68. It was in overtime. The beatdown came in the overtime, 18-8. Horrors to the FC. What a humiliating experience for them, especially the Jefferson County stinkers. Never mind that Joe put the General out in the semi game.
      .
      Coach Robert Zuppke often said, “A coach is responsible to an irresponsible public.” Adding to that he is the first to say, “The only safe place to coach is at Joliet or Sing Sing, There are neither alums nor family to gripe.”

    • Doug Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Reply to CNR. I forgot to add. I also took that Piedmont puddle jumper from Louisville in the mid-70’s. Stopped in Lexington, London, Tri-Cities, Hickory, Winston-Salem, Raleigh, Kinston. All the liquor on board was depleted by the time we landed in London. Later I heard a on WHAS with Dan Issel during his ABA days. He referred to it as the Piedmont Milk Wagon. True. Never forgot it but Piedmont was a good airline. Ruined by US Air.

      BLS- I’ve always told my kids, when you get a job, do the assigned job, always show up on time, every time, and much of everything else will fall into place. Kudos BLS, these are the extraordinary ordinary people -role players- that make the wheels turn in business and industry. The very ones being marginalized by many politicians unless there’s an election. 2016 threw em for a loop and most still don’t get it. Never will.

    • Doug Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Reply to BobLee. If coach does answer about Bret Bearup, get him to also tell you about Arch from Bloody Breathitt County. 😎

    • CNR Reply
      3 weeks ago

      I know you don’t like us to comment on a previous column. However, since 58 WK has commented here I feel compelled to comment regarding his observation of the Williams’ Shift of ’46.
      .
      Several times we have referenced the fact that we would have loved to have him play for us back in the day. A team is built with the catcher first and foremost. If he can hit,, so much the better. Everything I have heard is that the “58” could hit. If every opponent played Lou’s shift on him, for him to say he would hit .600, he is being modest. It would probably have been closer to .800.
      .
      Lou also played a shift for right-handed hitting power hitters, including Joe D back in ’41. Lou moved Kenny Keltner (3B) over to toward the line to get anything that went over third, the way teams played with a lead in the late innings to keep any extra-base hit down to a single. Lou played to his right to get anything in the hole. Ray Mack and then Joe Gordon played everything up the middle.
      .
      Lou was brilliant in the classroom, on the basketball floor, at the bridge table, and on the tennis court.
      .
      BL, Doug has a utube of a sensational catch by a left-fielder at Grainger in Kinston. Get the incident from Doug to put in a column. Well worth it.
      .
      Wildcats and carriers! Even visualizing sitting in my chair spells fear to me, especially during high seas pitching.visions. Holy Toledo and Saints preserve us. Only being trapped in a lagoon with great white sharks or crocs can surpass the physiological changes I perceive.
      .
      I feared the approach from the west while landing at Tri-Cities on Piedmont back in the sixties. It was somewhat of an ACC-SEC line nicknamed Pogo at the time.
      .
      Left Lexington, stopped at Corbin, headed for Tri-City where we would transfer to a plane heading to Raleigh with stops in Hickory then Winston-Salem/Greensboro. Our equipment was a Fairchild F27, the ruptured duck with the wings above.
      .
      The scenery was lovely alternating between valleys, hills, and mountains. I was enjoying the view of a lovely valley when…Wham! Pine trees were practically in my window. The airport runway was on top of a mountain? My first thought was of a Hellcat pilot landing on a pitching deck.
      .
      I had been recruited by Uncle Ev Case and enjoyed my visit immensely. However, the Yankees were my lifelong dream. Mr. Jimmy Brown, my all-time favorite Cardinal, steered me to his Alma-Mater, State. Mr. Brown was the MVP of the Cardinal World Champs of 1942. He was a gas-houser who wasn’t. Bobby Richardson must be of the same cloth.
      .
      The visit of which I speak was my introduction to a culture populated with as fine a people as one can find on this spinning ball, culminating in the great NB-Kinston game. I will never forget the wonderful Bunting family of New Bern.
      .
      A final word regarding BK of NB. Some years ago he stated that Uncle Ev called him in back in the mid-fifties to search out the great-great “Big Bell” from NB to query him as to the possibility of his becoming a player at State. I can vouch for the veracity of the statement as Uncle Ev stated as much to me in ’59 when he advised me on the viability of me acceding to the request of Mr. Rupp to come to Lexington to integrate the SEC and the South. He didn’t use a name, simply referred to an athlete at State from New Bern.
      .
      BL, how many times must we have passed during that week in Kinston? Don’t kid us. You are Coach Faux Pelini. Great advice to all, not just graduates. Thannk you.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 weeks ago

        You, sir, can comment on anything any time… just rear back and let loose.
        .
        My Hellcat pilot friend is 92 and I believe he could still stick a landing on the carrier deck in a typhoon. 🙂
        .
        ’58’s sister Jenny was Bill Bunting’s prom date at New Bern High School in 1964. She is now a USA Gymnastics official BUT NOT involved in that scandal. SHE got all the “good sense” in that family! 🙂
        .
        No… I am not Faux Pelini. My version woulda been MUCH funnier!
        .
        You never answered me re: Bret Bearup ???

    • ultraviolet Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Lots of good advice that at 63 I can find useful as I’m ‘graduating’ soon too.

    • Bosco O Reply
      3 weeks ago

      My uncle flew Hellcats off carriers in WW II, He had a full life for sure.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 weeks ago

        I think that is what one could call “Growing up in a hurry” … at 20-24 … YIKES!

    • DM Carpenter Reply
      3 weeks ago

      I love the line ‘nobody gives a shit about your Fantasy Football team’. Worse than the Fantasy Football types are those Facebook Narcissuses (?Narcissi?), who think the world is actually interested in the daily photo of whatever is on their plate at the favorite greasy spoon.

      When I was in my MS-3 year at NCSU, then BG Shelton spoke to us, along with three other NCSU grad General officers. As I recall, his talk was the most practical of the four.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 weeks ago

        There still ARE institutions where “practical advice” is dispensed rather than indoctrination rhetoric but they are getting harder to find.

    • 58 Wolf Kennel Reply
      3 weeks ago

      Now that’s a ton of good advice, even seen 60 years after graduation. Don’t find any of it questionable at all.
      Must be the holiday mood. If you can find it, watch the PBS Concert on the Mall from last night. There are a few honest tears to be shed.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 weeks ago

        I just had lunch with a dear friend who flew Hellcats off an aircraft carrier in the Pacific in 1944… as a 22 y/o. I cannot imagine “kids” that age in such circumstances.
        .
        re: Graduation Advice.. I know STEM schools like NCSU have a much wider variety of commencement speakers than do Lib Arts schools. I’m sure “you guys” have had Hugh Shelton and other “Real World” speakers. UNCCH always opts for the ideologues… sigh.

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