Stop me if you've heard this one.....

August 4,’13:  So this dumb ol’ white boy with a ponytail chugs a few too many brewskis at a Kenny Chesney concert.  Well oiled, the DOWBWAPt has some mini-fracas with a rent-a-cop coincidentally the ONLY AfAm within six blocks.   (Remember it was Kenny Chesney!).  Dumb Drunk White Boy throws out the N-word..... and next thing ya know America is closing its embassies in The Middle East and DDWB wins this week’s Zimmy.  

Unless you have been vacationing outside the Milky Way Galaxy, you can now name a Philadelphia Eagle WR besides Harold Carmichael or Mike Quick.  OK, 93% of you had forgotten both Harold and Mike.  By Tuesday Riley Cooper probably won’t be a Philadelphia Eagle WR any longer so you’ll be back to zero.  Whatchagonna do ??

Admit it..... when you first heard this story (can you recall that far back?) your first two thoughts were:

(1)    Why was an AfAm at a Kenny Chesney concert?  I mean Really!
(2)    Why would an NFL WR be using the N-word?  Aren’t they all black guys?  Isn’t NFL WR designated a “black guy only” position?  Like “all deep snappers must be white”?

The “why was an AfAm there” was quickly answered.  He was a security thug.

Digression:  Remind me to ask Pierce why Bill Barber doesn’t have a single no-neck white thug among his phalanx of bodyguards.  There are some no-necks at my gym that could use steady work.... every Monday from 4-7PM.

Blacks at a Kenny Chesney concert?  That’s like me being backstage at Fifty Cent & Rihanna At The Apollo.  

As to why Riley Cooper plays wide receiver?  Don’t know that one.  Other than Ricky Proehl and Wes Welker, there hasn’t been a white wide-out since Tommy MacDonald was shagging flies for Norm Van Brocklin also with the Eagles.  White dudes are genetically unsuited for the position.  OK.... Fred Biletnikoff and Scooter Scudaro.

Riley was a receiver at Florida under Urban Meyer now involved in a GIANORMOUS Scandal..... again, stop me if you've heard this one before.

I had never heard of Riley Cooper until he N-worded himself onto America’s Most Wanted.  Hell, Chip Kelly had never heard of Riley Cooper.  Riley Cooper’s mamma thought he was a lifeguard at Rehoboth Beach until she saw his mugshot on ESPNUN2.

"Stephan A” who claims he was BFF with Rocky Balboa AND Ben Franklin said “Riley Who” when the story broke.

I’m betting Riley was really a baggage handler for Alleghany Airlines but that lacked the headline drama of Dumb NFL White Guy Says N-word.... so he was either going to be an Eagle or a Flyer and nobody knows any Flyers since Bobby Clarke so he became “an Eagle”.

So Riley Who The What gets drunk and N-words a security dude..... and wins this week’s “Zimmy”.

“A Zimmy” is named for George Zimmerman and is given out each week to whatever poor schmuck gets chosen to be Racist Of The Week.   The We Want A National Race War Committee picks one each week to nudge us one step closer to a full-scale National Watts Riot.   At the rate we’re headed, we should be there by Columbus Day.  

Every remaining red-ink bleeding newspaper in America has a “Racist SWAT Team” on call.   They might have laid off 92% of their other reporters, asst editors, ad dweebs and guys who yell “STOP THE PRESSES” but they all kept their Racist SWAT Team in tact.   A full-scale country-wide race war is their last chance to avoid shutting down altogether and having to get real jobs..... so they live to over-kill any story they can gin into RACISM THRIVES IN AMERICA. ..... and along comes goofy ol’ Riley with a snootfull and KABOOM.

Hey, let's "do a Trayvon" and show an outdated "cute young Riley" picture to gin up sympathy for him.  It worked for Trayvon.  Well, actually it  didn't work for Trayvon.   Here goes......  

Can we somehow tie Mikey Nifong to Riley?

NOBODY in their right mind “uses the N-word” any more.   You say black rappers and black stand-ups use it all the time.  I said “nobody in their right mind”.  Pay attention.  I don’t even think “da Klan” uses it any more.  Maybe a few Aryan Nation cells up in the high Sierras but that’s it.

Ya think Anthony Weiner created Riley The Racist to divert the media from his latest sicko perversion?  Maybe Benghazi was percolating again?  Did Joe Biden finally piss in the wrong punchbowl and that needed covering up?

Whyever and whatever.... it sure worked.  A-Rod had to fight each day to get 24/7 coverage of his stupid PED crap.   Riley Cooper acing out A-Rod as #1 on Sportscenter.  You coulda won big betting that one in Vegas.

Maybe Riley Cooper was created by Friends of PJ to hide his latest “did what??”.   I bet I can sell that one to PackPride.

How big was the Riley The Racist Scandal?   It was soooo big that The NFL, by executive order of Roger Goodell, has stopped its Concussion Study AND its Who Said Draft Aaron Hernandez Study to focus on Should NFL White Guys Be Allowed To Attend Kenny Chesney Concerts?  That would only involve about a dozen guys.  Ten if you don't count Mannings.

Senate Democrats are demanding a Constitutional amendment to ban "anyone named Riley" from The NFL, The NBA and all Popeye Chicken restaurants in North America.... and any movies starring Denzel or Jamie Foxx.

Not to be outdone..... a spokesman for Kenny Chesney announced that while Kenny will not ban “dumb drunk white boys” from his concerts....... they will be profiling “big ones with pony tails” for the next month.

If you have a worthy candidate for next week’s Zimmy..... contact Eric Holder.   Tell Eric that BobLee and AgentPierce said Hi.

(NOTE to Prince Albert..... Eric Holder is Obama’s consigliore and US Attorney General.  Oops, I forget you never saw Godfather.  Forget that consigliore reference.)
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Posted: August 03, 2013 at 9:37 PM by SaidWHATMedia | with 9 comments
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Comments
Walt-in-Durham
BL, Golden Richards. I though you knew your Metroplex trivia.
Walt-in-Durham
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BL: Lance Rentzel !!

Lets restrict our search to the past 10 years.
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8/5/2013 8:56:01 PM

OldAphaWolf
Well, I noticed at the Sunday race, they said "Drivers, start your engines". No, I'm not a Junior fan, I'm a Jimmy fan.
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BL: A Danica-driven decision.
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8/5/2013 3:32:51 PM

Bill
Re your question about white wide receivers in the NFL, how could you forget Lance Alworth or the Saints own beloved Danny Abramowicz? Danny is the receiver featured on Football Follies shown running head-first into a large TV camera on the sidelines after catching a pass from Archie Manning. Danny was uninjured, but the camera was DOA.
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BL: "Bambi" Alworth!!! He played pre-Jackie Robinson didn't he?

I say if you can't name a dozen, they are rare.
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8/5/2013 12:35:50 PM

OldAlphaWolf
I'll tell you how I got in the Cave..I played in the band. Yes, the Cave hired an all white band, because we played Beach music which at the time was, 80% Motown. Had a ball. Funny how the the black-white thing dissolved when the music started. There was another band at the time self-named "13 Screaming N-words". Had it painted on the side of their van. Self exploitation I guess. Add NASCAR races and bluegrass festivals to the parallel comparison to the Kenny Chesney concert. Thanks to Thailand. I had forgotten about the Cave experience until he mentioned it.
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BL: Isn't "The N-Word" like "Gentlemen start your engines" at a NASCAR Race?
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8/5/2013 11:08:11 AM

PrinceA
You forgot "Animal House." I am going to rent both those movies before the rapture comes....which might be soon. Great article, as usual. If the Eagles release him I hope they lose every game, and as one of your "responders" mentioned....they might since he is not a star player. What I can not understand is why those 70% black team members did not come to his aide? Meaning, "let's forget this mess. He was drunk, upset with a black security guard having no idea he would be heard, so let's just move on." That strikes me as being unusual. Maybe they did not like him before this incident. RIDICULOUS!!!!! I'm so disgusted with this mess that I am beginning to start realizing that Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame regardless of his mistake. That's a real change for me. Clyde would be upset!
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BL: Don't forget Caddyshack! Within a 6-8 hour period you would learn 50 years of American pop culture. Your Trivial Pursuit scores would skyrocket.
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8/4/2013 6:16:35 PM

fayettewuf
First I have heard of it. So now he is a cause celebre? Fascinating word. But everyone knows about it. Everyone knows it is the magic career ending word. Everyone knows the word is unique in its power. Why would anyone care that a mediocre wide receiver is out of football until he undergoes therapy or whatever? No, it does not make sense that the word has that much power; that the word is probably slung around in the locker room by both races without any repercussions or that there are far worst things people can say to other people.
His use in public was stupid on his part. The use of the word does indicate something about his respect or lack of same for African Americans in general. The alcohol only reduced his inhibitions. If he were a more integral part of the Eagles' offense, he would be okay after he did his penance. He might still have a full career in the Canadian Football league.
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BL: I'll bet you a Fats Thomas custom mouthpiece that if the Eagles cut him (likely) no one in NFL will touch him. He brings a ton of unneeded "media grief".... much more than Tebow.

Maybe he becomes a greeter at Paula Deen's restaurant.
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8/4/2013 2:15:05 PM

thailand
Oh! So that's what that was......I heard them yelping back in steerage :-)
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BL: I hate it when that happens.
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8/4/2013 12:48:34 PM

thailand
"BL: I was wondering if you had hitched a ride "home" on a tramp steamer. Do they still do that International Date Line ritual?"


Tramp steamer is my life metaphor.....Maybe one day in reality.....

No hazing allowed on China Airlines that I am aware of (maybe the 'chop' the pilot announces), but I'm a 'shellback' from long ago......Lots of 'polywogs' though as college kids with two-tier backpacks armed with Daddy's Gold Cards are nouveau international traveling to and fro on their way back to school this August......(had to Wiki 'line-crossing ceremony').......

Tab Thacker (Wikied that too).....I gave up downtown nightclubs when gun control was in effect--Now may even pack with a silencer :-)......Just kiddin'

Now I am safe within the fire zone of teaming Bangkok......

The 'N' word is universally frowned on, but talking adversely about the Thai king will land you in the 'monkey house' (nothing racial here--what all Thais call jail......

Jet lag has me off a tangent--Later
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BL: I thought that ceremony involved either "keelhauling" or hot tar on the genitals ??? YIKES!
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8/4/2013 12:28:22 PM

thailand
Funny stuff.....

And even though her dishes are often not-so-healthy, Paula Deen was an earlier entry to your Zimmy list--I feel sure that her recipes from which P. Deen has made a fortune were likely extracted over the years from southern black cooks, but my Mom was praised for her own chicken and pastry by friends too, even though Julia our maid was the author......

Try using the actual 'N' word when discussing the use of the 'N' word amongst snit Brit libs and displaced American Clinton friends and Obama campaigners at my fitness club coffee/fruit bar over this way, and the result will be understated shock withdrawal in the form of wide-eyed gasping and recoil......I like Morgan Freeman's opinion about that racist slur--"If you are going to talk about the 'N' word then use the actual word--the 'N' word is much more offensive to him......And to me, ugly as the actual word is......

By the way, I'm 'in' on the PJ dummy thing..... :-)
Trip to Thailand this time was a long long long bear.....

Racist SWAT teams are everywhere......

"being backstage at Fifty Cent & Rihanna At The Apollo." I can see that. :-)
I remember being crammed into the back of Al Heartley's blue Chevy Corvair with Al and six black State students, one being big Ed Leftwich, as we went clubbing in South Raleigh one Friday night years ago.....Two clubs, the Torch and the Cave would not let the SWG (slow white guy) in--the big 'no necks' at the doors said even they couldn't protect me......So we raced back down Western to the State campus, the bunch of us shifting to the tunes of Marvin Gaye and Tammy as the little low slung car with the rear engine swayed heavily from side to side.....

His mother thought he was a life guard at Rehoboth Beach? :-)

You're on the button again......So funny.....

Later
From Bangkok (2-day R and R in the big city)
_____________

BL: I was wondering if you had hitched a ride "home" on a tramp steamer. Do they still do that International Date Line ritual?

With Ma Deen, the irony is that she is a BIG Obamite. Betcha the SWAT team assigned to take her down did not know that.

Wasn't Tad Thatcher (sp?) a no-neck bouncer at various Raleigh clubs for years?
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8/4/2013 2:28:59 AM

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