AP: "America Will Survive Because" predicts.....

AgentPierce:  Dec 8, 12

      Buy green bananas IF you believe outgoing N&O Asst Op/Ed Editor Allen Torrey in his “Hit & Run”  epistle on 12/08.  He boldly predicts that America Will Survive.... because it has so far.   YOWSA!   Move over Nostradamus and pass the biscuits ......

One might ask where does McClatchy find such deep thinkers?  Who cares?  Torrey is the latest McClatchy employee to “retire” (wink, wink, snicker, snicker....).  His boss, Stevie “Wiffenpoof” Ford – aka THE Op/Ed Editor, is also “retiring” in the next week or so.    

The only guy who makes $$$ around The N&O is whoever sells'em the cardboard boxes that “retiring” employees use to pack up their personal items before being frisked by security for trying to sneak out with purloined office supplies.  The “cardboard box guy” (and “the frisker”) stays really busy around The News & Observer...... OK; back to Nostradamus Torrey.

Deep Thoughts of Allen Torrey.....

Torrey was really using his “I’m outta here” column to bash Conserv/Repubs one last time.  Ergo his “Hit & Run” column.   Torrey uses several gloom & doom LTTEs he has received as examples of how all non-Obamic disciples are gloomy and expecting doomy..... but Allen’s not.  Allen poo-poohs such negative assumptions.  He is confident America will endure because, by golly, America always has for as long as he’s been paying attention.  Indisputable logic indeed!

NOTE: Too bad Allen wasn't Asst Op/Ed Editor for the Pompeii News & Observer back in 79 AD .  They sure coulda used his logic when Mt. Vesuvius went KABOOM. 

As Asst Op/Ed Editor of a major metro newspaper for twenty years ya gotta figure this dude was pulling in significant coinage.... and “because it always has” is the best he’s got ??  And you thought Joe Biden and ARod where vastly overpaid for their worth!

I’m assuming Allen The Prognosticator is in his 60s.  A bit too young to recall Ancient Egypt, Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome, Aztecs, Mayans, Incas and perhaps even mythical Atlantis as once thriving civilizations that “survived.... until they didn’t any longer”.  Lets include the Cheyenne, Commanches, Sioux, and Cherokees too.

For brevity’s sake I’m omitting the World Football League, the USFL, NFL Europe, three or four Women’s Professional Soccer Leagues and AirAmerica.

I suspect Allen’s comeback would be “they all WOULDA survived if Barack Obama had been their Messianic Leader, I betcha.”   That’s how “the Allen Torreys” of this world see things. 

Perhaps America "will survive" like The N&O is "surviving"..... by sending most of it's employees out the backdoor carrying their cardboard box?

Perhaps Allen’s enthusiasm for America is buoyed by Bev “Dumplin” Perdue selling off Dix Hill to her well-heeled cronies at $.10 on the dollar earlier in the week.  Now Raleigh can build it’s very own Central Park, or it Yellowstone Park... or Yosemite.... or Great Smokies ???..... right across from Central Prison.  Yeeeee HaHaHa! 

Hopefully Dumplin’ will personally benefit from that slippery move with “a job” as she, like Allen and Stevie, is “retiring” very soon.   Do “retiring” Governor-ettes get frisked for purloined office supplies before they carry their cardboard box out the door marked Exit?  Knowing Dumplin’ I hope they do.

Allen Torrey exits The N&O gleefully anticipating America’s Impending Resurgence under “his guy” Lord Obama.  I hope Allen’s correct, don’t you?

Before you do rush out to stock up on those green bananas remember:  Allen’s N&O missed on Duke Lacrosse (ouch)..... John & Rielle (ouch again)..... and, most recently, Larry Fedora leaving UNC for Tennessee (another ouch).  Hey, they can’t be wrong EVERY time.  Can they?  

Ask the Mayans.... but better hurry on that.  Dec 21 is here in two weeks.