Just One Word - "Danica"


Feb 25, ’13:  Oh come on man!  You knew today had to be about “Danica”.  She has attained one-word name icon status and it’s NOT going to be “D-Pat”.   I watched the last 50 laps of The Danica 500 but I did not watch a single second of The Oscars.  What does that say about me being a canary in a coalmine about the viewing preferences of America?  Damn little I suspect. .......

If I had any relevance to “the public’s interest” then guys named P Diddy and Jay-Z and Fifty Cent would not live in lavish “cribs” and need wheelbarrows to cart around their bling.  Yes, I do know it’s not Fifty Cents, but don’t ask me how I know that.

I betcha today P, Jay, and Fifty, like me, know who I refer to when I say “Danica”.

    Do P, Jay and Fifty also know that earlier this past weekend Ol’ Roy and his beleaguered Blue Boyz rose up and smote the hated PackPeople?  
    Does “Danica” know that somehow the eeeeevil Johnny Swofford has pulled off yet another of his insidious felonies upon the faithful followers of Moses Gottfried?  Are those followers still faithful to Moses Gottfried what with their faithfulness being notoriously compared to the gestation period of the may fly?  
    For sure “C.J.” aka “Calvin” has picked up another name for now – “No Show” Leslie.
    Is PhilipBridges’86 back on board BandwagonRoy?  Probably not.

Are you a Danica-hater "because ......" ?  If so, I bet you have a long list of people, places, things that you "hate".  Is there a correllation between Danica-hate - Manti Te'o-hate - and people who order Wax-Vacs from that TV infomercial?  Don't be a Danica-hater.

Did “Danica’s” Top Ten finish in The Danica 500 offset the predictable public outrage from “the Saturday wreck”?   Will the NFL Concussion lobby now become the NASCAR Fans Must All Wear Helmets Lobby?  

Will Messiah Barack speak from on high on whether “He” will permit NASCAR to continue..... or will he realize that if anyone is killed at a NASCAR event, the odds that it will be an Obamic voter are statistically zero.  Ergo what the heck..... let’em kill off each other.  I digress.

There was a time back in the late 90s that I was a regular at all the major NASCAR events.  I even know that the Hooters directly across from the main entrance to Daytona Internat Speedway may have THE finest team of Hooter-ettes in America.  Certainly it does during Race Week.  Being chosen to be a Hooters Girl at the Daytona restaurant during Race Week is like being chosen for The Pro Bowl for a Hooters Girl.  “Plain Jane from Kalamazoo” need not apply.  The incredible stuff you learn here !!!!

I attended over 30 races during a six year period thru a business connection with a NASCAR mogul.  I had full VIP credentials including up-close parking and suite access.  I rubbed elbows with guys named France, Bruton and “Humpy”.  I was at the Start/Finish line with Rusty, Dale (Sr & Jr), Jeff, Tony, Mark et al and I was in Victory Lane for “the hat dance”.   

The NASCAR “hat dance” is truly one of the most bizarre rituals in sport.  It dwarfs “the green jacket ceremony” for pure extreme weirdness.

My two Most Memorable NASCAR Moments will always be (1) AJ Foyt punching out Arie Luyendyk in Victory Lane in Texas and (2) Emmett Smith turning to me during a pre-race ceremony at Bristol to remark “there ain’t too many bruthas here, are there?”  To which I replied “Nope”.

Such magical moments notwithstanding, one day NASCAR became “my mama’s girdle”.   Mama would say there came a moment every day when her girdle just became so uncomfortable that she just had to take it off.   It was not a gradual thing but a sudden “right now” moment.   That came for me in Smith Tower at Charlotte Motor Speedway during the Fall race in 98 or 99.

Even with all the VIP privileges, attending a NASCAR race is a sensory draining exercise.   It is LOUD, crowded, a long day, a hectic hassle and did I mention LOUD.  Allowing there were some very special “are you kidding me” moments, there is a lot of “how much longer and boy this is LOUD” hours involved.

Kid’s favorite “My Dad and NASCAR” story took place at Texas Motor Speedway.  I’m standing with Bruton Smith and Jerry Jones (yes, THAT Jerry Jones) on the infield for a pre-race ceremony.   This couple walks up....

 “Mr Smith, I’m Bart Connor The Gymnast.  This is my wife Nadia Comanechi.”    

Bruton looks at Jerry.  Jerry looks at Bruton.  Bruton and Jerry both look at me with WTF expressions.   Bart realized he had struck out.  Nadia was the most clueless Romanian Olympian I had ever met up to that point.  Apparently I was the only one who knew everyone within our 10’ universe.  When I tell this story in person I do everyone’s facial expressions and hand gestures.

A few months later I was around Bruton when Goldberg The Wrestler and Colin Powell were introduced to him.   The exact same facial expression and hand gestures.   I became good friends with Bill “Goldberg” and we always reenacted that moment.   For the record, Colin Powell had no clue who any one was either.   NASCAR attracts very very strange bedfellows.

So my six years deeply immersed  in-NASCAR country were not without their “take to my grave” moments but one day I just could not eat one more Pringle.   Did I mention how LOUD it is.

It must be fun to be around now during Danica-mania.   I betcha Bruton knows who Danica is although, as I recall, he preferred at least 36 D cups.   “Danica” is real pretty when she is all guzzied up but not well..... you know..... well-endowed mammarially.

If you’ve never been to “a NASCAR race” it should be on your bucket list.   It is a sensory overload unlike any other sports event.  You may not need 30+ such experiences but at least one.   The start of a NASCAR race is EXTREME goosebump city.

Oh..... I once cajoled a hard-core Chapel Hill super Lib to go with me to a Dale Jr meet & greet.  Picture a school gym in Kannapolis filled with NASCAR fans and one lone Chapel Hill redneck-hatin’ MENSA nerd.  Bwahahahahaha.   I meant to ask him if he knew Nadia Comanechi.

Yo "Kennel".... If I was still going to NASCAR events you would be my first invite.  OK, either you or Jim Heavner.  No.... wait - Bob Kennel AND Jim Heavner TOGETHER w/ BobLee at a NASCAR Race would be OUTTASIGHT.  A Mega Yeeeee Haaa moment!

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(We're working on a BRAND NEW FEATURE -  BobLee's Who Dat Wall!)

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Posted: February 25, 2013 at 8:30 AM by SaidWHATMedia | with 22 comments
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Comments
Rocket Coach
Bo knows Danica.
2/28/2013 12:46:26 PM

58 Wolf Kennel
BL, your columns are a hoot in themselves to keep heads spinning. I've said it before that your responders are a hoot themselves. Some of them I'd love to meet even more than going to a NASCAR event even without your VIP status. Not sure about Prince Albert in a can or old McDonald. I can take Taylor anytime if he's from Kinston (we Bears know plenty of rednecks and red devils).
Kellie H. having a tough time. Some friction internally. She's a good coach but her recruiters have let her down. We'll see the outcome.
Lay off CJ. Maturity is a process, not a lightning bolt. Also he has a great sister at Holly Springs who Kellie wants and needs at State.
All that being said, I'd rather have my hand at State than a mess of pottage to our west. Still deciding whether to go to the Raleigh Sports Club today to hear a football coach who might brag about a Charlotte billboard and a mythical championship.
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BL: BK, you and CJ/Calvin share the same grim reality - you relish the "celebrity" of Fame but not so much when its bright lights reveal your imperfections and human frailties. Only your messianic leader at 1600 Penn Ave gets "the good" without "the bad". And even he does not get that preferential pass around here. :-)

Kellie, bless her lovely little heart, cannot "blame her recruiters" unless you are willing to excuse our Butchie for the transgressions of Black Santa. I do like the lovely lady however and hope she can right the ship.

My OUTSTANDING cadre of regular commenters are certainly a bonus feature here.... you included among'em certainly.

The new Who Dat page further illustrates that feature.
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2/27/2013 7:18:41 AM

fayettewuf
I read the gymnast at the race story a couple of times because the first time, I was not getting why it would be favorite story. I guess we need to have been there. If Bart's surprise at not being recognized was very apparent, okay. Sorta surprised that no one remembered Nadia Comanechi. She and Olga Korbut were pretty famous for being cute and for scoring 10's in their Olympic performances even if you are not a gymnastics fan. Of course that was a while back. Bart's name kinda rings a bell but unless he said gymnast, I would not have known who he was. So Nadia was as clueless about going fast and turning left as the bunch at the race were about gymnastics? There's a surprise.
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BL: Bruton Smith and Jerry Jones don't live on the same planet as "regular folks". I was impressed that Bart knew he should add "the gymnast" to his intro. It didn't help.

I was with Bruton once when he met Wayne Newton. He did ask Wayne to sing Danke Schoen. Wayne & I both were surprised.
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2/26/2013 10:50:31 PM

Emmette Taylor
Marketing Danica is smart move by NASCAR as they are no longer on the upswing. Calvin played terrible but quite sure he knows it. We will most likely see the Tar Heels again and it won't be played in the Dean dome. New governor continues at breakneck speed, just hope they don't move too fast. If you go back to a race with BK, let this old Kinston boy know, as would buy extra ticket to be there.
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BL: Nor will it be played in Frau's backyard... but Swofford's tentacles are everywhere !!!

BK surrounded by 100,000 crazy NASCAR RWs would be a hoot. His head would be on a swivel the whole time.
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2/26/2013 9:20:09 AM

JDanWuff
looks like a winner-winner chicken dinner column here, BL.
"not well..... you know..... well-endowed mammarially." That's a mouthful, pun intended.
Roy should grant Calvin a partial scholly after that performance. He got credit for more Tar Heel points than the rest of UNC's bench.
Rock on, YOIL.
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BL: According to several Wuffian angry boys I saw - Calvin / CJ's new name is "Mud".

"Whatcha done for me LATELY you no-count bum" - tuff crowd.
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2/25/2013 7:36:13 PM

Jackie
so - Danica-haters are the people who buy those disgusting Wax-Vacs on TV. That explains a lot.
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BL: I thought every one knew that.
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2/25/2013 6:53:30 PM

Mike
Worst thing Danica did yesterday she didn't do.At start of post race interview words were welling up in her mouth that she never let out. I'm not good at mind reading but that was easy.
I'll retire from NASCAR watching (TV Only) when Dale Jr stops racing. Have to stay around with my home town guy until then. Tiger is the Dale Jr of PGA.
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BL: Not sure I get all that. Anything "Danica" does / does not do will be analyzed into smithereens from now on. She IS NASCAR for the forseeable future which will quickly rub her fellow drivers (except Ricky) the wrong way.
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2/25/2013 2:55:35 PM

NCSU68Grad
Having been to a couple of 600's during my younger days, I can tell you that the infield of the 600 was an experience. It was not too bad in 1962 or so....did that with the Rootie Toot Toot BSA Troop.
BUT, I did it again in 1964 with my Bragaw Buddies. Drove in the early AM. Battery went dead. Gas was low. Got bailed out by the most wonderful Dad that anyone could have.

In those days, the "enterprising" young men would bring in a U-Haul and string up blankets and put in mattresses and their young GF's would take care of as many as there were standing in line....and the lines were long.

Also witnessed an impromptu card game (fairly high stakes) on the hood of a car. When the owner came and protested, he decided to back down after the armament came out.
Have also been the recipient of VIP passes. Never got to talk to Bruton, but did get into the luxury boxes at a few tracks. It is LOUD!

It also a long walk from a MH in Dega to the track....

Most of the folks that have been to 90% of the circuits say that Bristol is indeed a Must Do....but do it carefully....it is NOT for the faint of heart or those with "delicate" features (assuming that they are of the male gender"....
Danica broke the record for a female.....it was 10th.....but the "looks" score had a much wider (proverbial Mack Truck opening) margin.

Yes, we Wuffies are still a bit miffed, but the score is what it is and KH did not make the calls. Some will argue that the Zeb's influenced it...but I did not see that as the reason.
The season will still be long and bumpy.....ask Jim Lananaga and the ThugAletes from MU....WF done hurt them....BAD!
RK is gonna make it back and Mikey will have to rearrange the line-up. The finale at Dean's Dome dedicated to Dintinguised Scholarly Achievements will be a good test of the "smaller but quicker" lineup against the PowerBall Players from Dukie....
Duke just might help us avoid the dreaded Thursday game, but we should have taken care of that ourselves....and we did NOT.
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BL: NASCAR infields are still no place for the timid (or Liberals). Pretty much "a sausage factory" of lascivious activities.

Regular seasons are quickly forgotten once The Dance begins. The scorecard from Early April is the one written in ink.
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2/25/2013 2:19:48 PM

geek49203
Error -- "AJ Foyt punching out Arie Luyendyk in Victory Lane in Texas" was at an IndyCar event. AT least that's the way I remember it (have an IndyCar media hard card)...
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BL: Yes, it was. The first IndyCar event ever held at TMS and, of course, I was there.... about 6' away from AJ.... and caught the punch on camera earning me the moniker - The Abraham Zapruder of Motorsports.
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2/25/2013 1:01:08 PM

LRP
Boblee....I'm sure you know Chris Powell, Ex. Dir, of the Las Vegas Speedway. Chris is a good friend of my Mizzus...Chris hails from Ahoskie, NC. Chris was a journalism major at UNC. He was working at the Winston Salem Journal when he became acquainted with Bruton Smith....and, as they say, " That's History ". About 12 years ago, Chris invited Diane and I, and two other Ahoskie couples, while we were in Vegas on a business trip, out to the Speedway....it was an awesome tour! Chris tells a great story about some top Col., at the nearby Air Force base, swapping out a ride in one of his Air Force jets for a couple of laps around the Speedway track.......Chris swears he got the better deal...the Col. disagrees......
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BL: I do indeed know Chris very well.... and his wife aka "Rocky Top". Last time I was in LV we had dinner together at The Rio. GREAT GUY as are most A-hoskie folks.
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2/25/2013 12:14:34 PM

58 Wolf Kennel
Good grief, how does my name get dragged into a NASCAR peon? Must admit I'm not a big fan (only so many hours in the day), and I'm not that enamored with Danica. My youngest daughter is a big NASCAR fan since well before Danica, and she has tried to teach me the finer strategic points beyond "loudness".
What basketball game? I was out at the Doak most of the wet weekend where our other Holly Springs hero Carlos Rodon pitched a no-hitter on Friday, we scored 14 runs on Saturday, and 43 runs in a double-header win on Sunday. Basketball season is not over by a long shot despite the N&O trying to get back in light blue grace with more ink on a 4-guard offense than I can stomach.
PS: I'd love to go to a race when you get your VIP status back.
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BL: Actually I lost my VIP status when my association with you became public knowledge. Even Bruton couldn't deal with that.

It'll take more than one column about a 4-guard offense to get YOUR N&O in "good graces" w/ UNCers.

Speakin' of purty ladies in sports - hows Kellie The Kutie doing with her Pack-ette BkB this year?
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2/25/2013 11:57:11 AM

BC in PV
BL, I have to admit that I watched more NASCAR on Sunday than I intended. Typically, I don’t watch any of it but I was intrigued by how Danica would perform. I watched the first 80 laps and the last 40. I was impressed by her showing and thought [naïve] that she might pull a 3rd place. I was amazed how fast and strategic [braking?]the finish played out. All in all, a pretty impressive showing! I’ll bet there are many others like me! NASCAR and TV has to be giddy over her performance.
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BL: I'm sure the FoxSports suits were giddy that she was in contention the whole race. The last hour ratings were probably record-breaking.
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2/25/2013 11:50:51 AM

Bill
A "Who Dat Wall?" Does that mean you'll be sojourning in this neck of the woods any time soon?
Not sure I'll be able to sleep tonite with the image of a Danica v. Bouncy fight in my mind.
Can't help but note that all the Woof Nation folks who've commented here recently after UNCMBB losses are MIA today.
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BL: The WhoDat? Wall will be a page devoted to the cast of characters I (and AP) refer to on a repeat and regular basis. Pictures and a brief "whodat" about them.

Beyonce & Danica in a kiddie pool fulla banana pudding !!! I'd like the pay-per-view rights for THAT.

No comment on the no comments from our regular wuff-commentors. They ARE noticeable by their absence however.
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2/25/2013 11:35:20 AM

PrinceAlbert
Still love the responses almost as much as I do your column....notice I said "almost." Why didn't Kennel respond this time? He must be out of the country or still mourning what happened Saturday afternoon? I'm waiting for something about NCS's "inside the program problems."
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BL: The Real Bob Kennel will poke his head up here eventually. It usually takes him a few days to lick his wounds after a rival whuppin'.

I'll drag him out of his hidey hole if I have to. Like "noodling a big ol' catfish".
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2/25/2013 11:22:55 AM

RT
Years ago At the 600 I was amazed as I saw people tossing chicken bones at the fence and yelling/showing obscenities at the drivers like they could hear or see them.
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BL: That sort of stuff was "the old days" and was cleaned up by the late 80s. But the image does live on. Still a lot of colorful characters around however.
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2/25/2013 11:12:49 AM

BigMike
BL, how about a Cage Match between one-name icons - Danica vs Beyonce ??
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BL: If B gets D in a leglock with her thunder thighs it would be all over. But D is shiftier I bet.

Another quandary? Mama Obama lauded Beyonce The Hootchie Dancer as a wonderful "role model" for America's girls. I don't suppose Danica ranks on Mama Obama's scale of "role models".
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2/25/2013 10:59:31 AM

CharmCity Mike
I grew up in Lexington going to races in Winston-Salem and such on short tracks. I went to the World 600 in Charlotte one time with great seats. You are right. IT IS LOUD. Even earplugs did not help. I have never seen a study on hearing loss and NASCAR fans but there has to be a correlation there. I have been to the Indy 500 and was shocked that it is not loud. I was prepared with earplugs but the high pitched engine whine of the cars was not bad.
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BL: Yes, the noise level is different with the two car-types. I did several Indy Car events..... a different demographic entirely. NASCAR much more "colorful".
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2/25/2013 10:51:59 AM

PF
OK.... who is Bruton Smith?
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BL: OK, too much "inside NASCAR" I guess. Bruton is THE most powerful figure in NASCAR - not named France. He owns 5-6 tracks including Charlotte, Texas, Bristol, Atlanta and Las Vegas.

Quite an "interesting" fellow.... some would say "notorious". As I've noted before... I tend to be an "eccentric" magnet.
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2/25/2013 10:39:42 AM

Jack
Riddle me this BL.... From a celebrity marketing standpoint - which "matters" the most? That Tiger is black (sorta) .... or That Danica is pretty ?
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BL: EXCELLENT Quandry. Remove either extraneous component and the depth of public fascination is greatly diminished.

El Tigre's on course success and off-course dalliances are now integral to his Q ratings. If "Danica" was "plain Jane from Kokomo" she would not be as well-known. The cheesecake stuff has definitely been integral to her fame.
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2/25/2013 10:06:03 AM

Monroe
The very thought of Bruton Smith and Nadia Comaneci being at the same place at the same time tells me that there is a tear in the Universe!
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BL: And I left out the Barney Fife Look-a-like and Van Clyburn playing the SSB.
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2/25/2013 9:26:44 AM

MMF
I gotta hand it to her, she hung in there in a big time way w/the big buoys of NASCAR. I was wrong about how she would finish and I enjoyed watching her drive a clean race. I do not know if you happened to notice how there were zero fans on the backstretch grandstands for the Saturday race? Five yrs ago the "superstretch" stands would be almost full for the Saturday affair. MMF
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BL: NASCAR's "glory days" are, alas, in its rearview mirror. Lots of opinions on "why is dat?" They REALLY hope "Danica" will spike their sales and ratings.
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2/25/2013 9:24:19 AM

HP
What "one race" would you recommend if I see only one race?
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BL: Easy. The night race at Bristol TN which I think is in May. It used to be an "impossible ticket" but not so much any more.

Other than that one.... any of'em will do for a bucket list.
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2/25/2013 9:19:33 AM

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