The Next UNC Chanc Oughta Be _______


Feb 21, ’13:   THE most pressing issue in America today is -  If Danica wins Daytona, will she kiss Miss Sprint in Victory Lane?  So sue me if I’m wondering - If Holden wasn’t a good fit – what sorta Chanc SHOULD UNC go after?...... and here’s a headline that made me go OUCH!......

This Headline on Feb 20 ...... Tar Heels Win Two In a Row!! – Ouch and Ouch.  Has this sacrilege (for so many) reached the level that Roy’s Boys “winning TWO in a row in mid-February” is cause for a “Hip Hip Hooray” headline?  

ORW and his much-maligned “youngsters” have several sorta-season-savers coming up.  Just sneak into The Dance somehow and then start all over.....

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NOT TRUE.... The NCAA has NOT hired Lance Armstrong as its new Infractions Czar replacing that idiot gal who screwed up the Miami slam-dunk investigation.  NCAA Poobah Mark Emmert is looking like Sheriff Buford T. Justice chasing Burt Reynolds' "Bandit" across Mississippi.

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PREDICTION:  Johnny “Football” HeisManziel will self-destruct at Texas A&M by next Thanksgiving if not before.   This ego-maniacal punk is headed full throttle over the “Ain’t I Something?” cliff.

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UNC’s Next Chancellor oughta be.......

I don’t have a name but I have a description (that does NOT have a snowball chance in Carrboro of ever happening).

If a very very intelligent (“intelligent” in the good way, not the "wanna see my MENSA key" eunchs.) man of unimpeachable character with a 20 year familiarity with the product and a “Want To Succeed” Factor off-the-chart still could not saddebreak the Hydra-headed beast that is forever cursed to wanna be “Harvard during the week..... and Alabama / Kentucky from September thru March”.   What sort of Superman (or Wonder Woman) could survive, much less “succeed”?

Holden got completely off-track by (1) trusting “Dickie”; then he was poleaxed by (2) trusting Julius; and before he regained consciousness from those two sucker punches there was (3) Matt & Tami k-i-s-s-i-n-g ..... cue the DJ to play “Turn out the lights, the party’s over”.   

Yes, he zigged when he shoulda zagged a few times and took some really bad advice a few other times.  Basically he got his pants leg caught up in his bicycle chain once too often...... and, in the end, paid the price for all of it.    Life ain’t fair in fact it’s a real bitch a lot of the time.

Only Half-Black Media-made Messiahs are never held accountable for their actions.

Holden Thorp is gonna kick-ass-and-take-names as Provost at Wash U.  No, he doesn’t know “what a Provost does” either but he is gonna be a mighty fine one.  You just wait and see.

To those who bleat “Holden simply didn’t have enough “seat time” in the corner office to handle the complexities and pressure” – I say two words Gordon and Gee.   

Gordon Gee is one of if not THE highest paid CEO of any public univ in America at the Ohio State University.   It was this bow-tied buffoon that was a babbling clown when Jim Tressel played out his Sgt Schultz scam.   Gordo said “Fire the football coach???  Never.  I just hope he doesn’t fire me.”  Tressel should have.  

GG has played Chancellor/CEO at 3-4 schools over the past 20 years and still came across like Ernest T Bass at Missus Wil-leeee tea party.  So “time on grade” don’t matter when the walls come atumblin’ down.

No multi-degreed career academic with a closet fulla mortarboards is gonna do much better.  Remember a certain organ-playing galoot who clapped like a gay seal?  Wannanother one of those?  I didn’t think so.

Howsa ‘bout Mary Ann The Fox introducing Chuckles and promising a Natty Champ for The Brickyard.  How’ed that work out?  Then James Oblinger getting flim-flammed by Queen Mary and Howdy Doody McQueen?   Ouch!

Howsa ‘bout Duke’s piecea work – Bumbling Bob Broadhead - leading the raging pot-bangers in full support of Crystal “Meth” Mangum and Mikey Nifong?

God had some secret purpose for creating gnats, Joe Biden and academic administrators..... but being “in charge” of anything more complex than “cue the band to play Pomp & Circumstance” is about it.

Running a multi-multi-million dollar kinda-complicated operation like a big college with big-time football and basketball "champagne & caviar" dreams takes “steely eyes, a square jaw and an iron fist”..... like General Tony Tata.

I don’t mean General Tony Tata specifically but someone with the for-real leadership chops of a General Tony Tata.  Or a Hugh Shelton (but not a Rick Dees!).   Most of you don’t know who General Tony Tata is.  Doesn't matter.  Just trust me..... I’m “on a roll” and gotta keep moving here.

Give ME someone WHO knows how to hire, manage and put the fear ‘a God in his senior management staff.....  for WHOM "diversity and affirmative action" are nice but only after "Qualified" and "Competent" have been thoroughly confirmed.

YOU can have all the pompous Ph.Ds drunk on tenure and self-importance.

..... and “I’ll be in Scotland waaaaay afore you”.

Give me a man (or woman) with front line corporate combat scars WHO has held his/her ground when under live “board room” artillery fire.

WHO knows the buck stops on his/her desk but does not tolerate slackards, whiners, or blithering idiots regardless of whether they know both verses of the alma mater.

A First Responder WHO runs "into" the fire..... not under a desk curled up in fetal fear.

WHO can smell a rat or find a misplaced decimal in a P&L from across the room.  

WHO will stand before his BOT, BOG, Legislature, Faculty Council, Fat Cats, and a campus overrun with too-privileged junior adult wanna-bees and say “Because I said so is why.  You have your orders.  Meeting adjourned.”

WHO can take thousands of scared spitless kids leaking false bravado out of every orifice and, in four years, turn’em into self-sufficient young men and women who can say “Look out World here I come to make my mark.”

Give me a for-real leader WHO knows “when to hug” and “when to kick-ass”.  

WHO understands the vital importance of true “academic freedom” and can see thru the pompous snoots who delight in abusing the “privilege” of academic tenure.  

Give me a Chancellor WHO can stare down a celebrity coach without blinking and say:
“If you EVER try to sneak even ONE semi-literate thug-alete into this university it’s gonna be me all over you with a can of whup-ass.  Any part of that you don’t understand, coach?  ..... Winning IS important, coach I expect you to “win” a lot more than you “lose” but you are NOT the straw that stirs the drink on this campus.  I am. You better not ever forget that.”

WHO knows the value of a dollar and can squeeze blood and nickels out of a turnip.  And expect every one in his employ to understand “We all work for the taxpayers of this state and we WILL be good stewards of their trust.

WHO expects wacky professors to do wacky crap because that’s what wacky professors do..... but knows when to say “OK, that’s TOO wacky so your wacky scrawny tenured ass is fired.  Here’s a box.  Clean out your desk and get the hell off my campus.

Ya think any search firm can find That Kinda Chancellor for UNC-CH?

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So, if Danica DOES kiss Miss Sprint in Victory Lane does that mean she is a Lesbian or just the winner of The Daytona 500?   

Hey, if this one wore you out..... check out AP’s latest.   I love that ol' boy like a brutha, but I swear he even scares me some times.
Posted: February 20, 2013 at 11:01 PM by SaidWHATMedia | with 15 comments
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Comments
fayettewuf
BL: I will argue that the negative perceptions created by the goofball profs DO create PR messes that, over time, lead to permanent image problems.
I guess some people let the opinions of a very few professors affect their image of a big university. I do not think that is the kind of things that keep chancellors/presidents awake at night. At least not like an impending visit from an accrediting agency like SACS. But you know Thorp, was he more concerned about the academic rep due to the fallout from Marv's tweets or the fact that some professor had some book out that maintaining there is no God?
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BL: HT never worried too much about goofy profs. He did not consider them "goofy". The SACSS accreditation REALLY upset him.
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2/23/2013 2:02:14 PM

theological tar heel
The man you are looking for is General Charles Krulak - currently whipping things into shape at Birmingham-Southern College. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_C._Krulak
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BL; Good to know... Thanks!
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2/22/2013 10:29:31 AM

fayettewuf
There is an ongoing debate about whether a president or chancellor of an institution of higher learning ought to be a CEO type or an academic type. Really presidents/chancellors fund raise and direct the university as to growth and mission and all that stuff. There is a school of thought that someone who has successful ran a big company is better suited to run big universities. The provost or academic dean is the one that liaisons with the faculty (chief academic officer). Problem is provosts all want to be presidents (probably everyone but Holden anyway)
My guess is the athletic budget at UNC is dwarfed by the money from research grants. The first question should be how well does the candidate raise funds, how well does he manage very large enterprises. Why is it that when people hear about candidates the first thing they ask about is what does he/she think about athletics. Relating to the typical alum is important. I guess the best way for an academic type to ingratiate to the alums is to pretend interest in athletics. Most IMHO the ones from academia really aren't.
Tenured professors are not really the problem you make them out to be IMHO. Professors that do research often are not the best teachers but they are the best sources of grant money. Sure there are nut-jobs in academia. They are not huge problems that a chancellor would worry about.
All that said, can you imagine the new chancellor telling Roy and Larry they have to recruit smarter kids and word getting out, the new facilities in the pines half full and the two in a row headlines more of a headline? He or she would be run out of the village.
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BL: I will argue that the negative perceptions created by the goofball profs DO create PR messes that, over time, lead to permanent image problems.
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2/21/2013 8:39:45 PM

JDanWuff
Two words, BL, two words.
Lee Fowler
You would have material for 3000 years after your passing.
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BL: The Dickster left far more csrnage in his wake than did Uncle Jed.
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2/21/2013 8:17:49 PM

Emmette Taylor
Don't forget to add Ted Williams and Walt Disney to the resurrection group. As mentioned, Leo Jenkins would be your man. He was not afraid of the UNC powers and he gave eastern NC so many things it sorely lacked.(healthcare)Was told all he had to do was threaten a run for governor and the powers said we'll give you a med school.Lol. Whatever the math, the people in eastern NC owe Jenkins an eternal debt. You don't think NASCAR is going to overhype Danica, do you ? It's a shame as she does have racing talent too.
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BL: Leo Jenkins and Danica Patrick - a most unlikely pair on the Internet.
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2/21/2013 1:47:29 PM

Ashley Overton
Perry Como had a theme song. Can you sing it?
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BL: I get Perry, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs confused.

I do recall the "we get letters, lots and lots of letters.... Dear Perry...." segment from his TV show.

He might make a good Chancellor.
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2/21/2013 9:28:38 AM

Mike Yorke
Leo Jenkins is your man!
The mandatory retirement age put in place because of him gets in the way and he's dead.
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BL: Dr Jenkins was "a good'un" for sure. He took ECTC to ECU and insured a lot of well-educated citizens east of I-95. I would take "A Leo Jenkins clone" for sure.
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2/21/2013 9:14:35 AM

WildatHeart
Regarding who you would like to see become chancellor. Ronald Reagan passed away years ago.
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BL: That's what you think. He is cryogenically stored in a sub-basement of the Hearst Castle awaiting "His Resurrection". Along with Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond and Margaret Thatcher.
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2/21/2013 8:57:19 AM

MMF
I would hope that if UNC can get a chancellor w/half of your wish list he/she should be a wiener. As for Dancia, I think she will wreck tonight and in the 500 she will be on the DNF list. IMHO MMF
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BL: The network carrying the race will treasure every second she is on the track.
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2/21/2013 8:48:31 AM

Walt-in-Durham
Gordon Gee fouled up at OSU because he was the wrong man for the job from the beginning. He went so far as to de-emphasize football and basketball at Vanderbilt. Before that, he had been at a couple of non-majors and before his non-major experience he mis-handled various sports scandals at Colorado. He was not ever suited for the job at OSU. To claim that somehow Gee is proof that Thorp's lack of experience had nothing to do with his botching of the UNC job is just cherry picking at it's worst.

Walt-in-Durham
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BL: W-i-D, I swear you are to Holden like Obama is to GWB. There is nothing in creation that you cannot somehow connect as "his fault".

Was Holden sharpening Lizzie Borden's ax when she whacked her parents?

Thru the fog of your Holden-hate you should see that I was pointing out that "experience" (that GG has) is not itself a guarantee of competency in a crisis.
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2/21/2013 8:46:32 AM

NCSU68Grad
Anybody think about the parallels between the Flagship and the Triumph (Carnival)? Seems to me there are many. The passengers were promised pristine waters and unbelieveable scenery.....such as more banners in the Dean Dome and having to erect large displays in Kenan. The one inside would be more informative.....but BIG. It would chronicle the bowl triumphs (pun - RIMSHOT) and the titles and the rankings. Sort of a "dashboard" for those with simple minds. The one outside would have statues of the heroes.....and one, more of as Shrine to BOTBob.

BUT, as in the Triumph, there be issues on board. Obviously the smells are the same as the skullduggery of the AFAM and Coach D and Black Santy and Tutorgate and Research Paper Gate and OTHER PAST alleged grade improprities have overloaded the tiny septic tank on the Flagship and the Haz-Mat squad will be needed to decontaminate it.

NOW, to your rhetoric question.....what is needed is a COMPLETE change of course and a thorough cleaning. DRUM ROLL.....St. Monteith. Now St. M is currently under consideration for a Papal assignment, but his "church certificate" can not be verified and those pesky Catholics are demanding to see his Baptismal records....SO, he is STILL on the market.
He could come in and exorcise the evil sports demons that dare permeate the Flagship. He has a PROVEN track record. He is NOT afraid to sully and tear down the re*****tions of certain coaches and defile them. He would have the TOTAL support of the local N&O. He could even get Claude Sitton to come out of retirement and hit the Q & *****tail circuit, accompanied by Jim Goodmon, and let the word go forth from this day that "we will GIIIITTTTT Dean Smith....". THAT takes courage and courage is what is needed so that the Flagship can be returned to the ACADEMIC fleet, instead of the ATHLETIC or garbage skow motley crew.
Thus, the perfect candidate.....it will re-establish the faculty as being in control of the wheel house and no more will national championships be pursued.

Cleaning up the Triumph and restoring her seaworthiness and bringing back the masses is a small task when compared to what is needed on the Flagship.....I can almost hear the strains of a medley of "The Love Boat Theme" and "Hark the Sounds" (without the ending CHEER).

Maybe the WCPSS BOE can take over the BOT duties since they are so well versed at "fixing" things and restoring them to their former (disfunctional) state....
Ta-Ta.....yes, he would be a GREAT leader.....appoint him and THEN bring in the FORMER WCPSS BOE and watch them work miracles....Can you picture the Flagship in the Costa Concordia fetal position?
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BL: Or we could find an old U-boat captain and crew and contract with'em to just torpedo the silly old rustbucket.
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2/21/2013 8:35:15 AM

YogiNC
WHEW Bobby! If the coffee don't wake ya up this one sure will. To be honest I was two paragraphs in before I stopped thinking about Danica and then you whacked my mind again with the jab at the end. I taught a class a few times in my church on "The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership" by Maxwell. Use that as the scorecard and you'll find the right guy. If you've never read it I strongly suggest it, it is the cookbook for creating great leaders, and trust me what UNC needs is a LEADER. Part of Holden's problem was who he chose for sage advice. When I look for advice I look for someone who doesn't have a dog in the fight AND is not an IDIOT (you made a partial list on that one already). I agree wholeheartedly with the choice of Randy, and there's another one out there, HOWEVER my bet is he would ruffle too many feathers over on the hill. That tenured bunch is too much. I'd say fire 'em all and start over but that would deplete most of the population of Chatham Co.
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Chatham AND Orange! I happen to know some of HT's "advisors" and there were some very solid citizens among'em but also some certified "looloos" too. You can trace his decision process to gauge who had his ear at which juncture.
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2/21/2013 8:27:51 AM

Monroe
My guess is they gonna hire Barney Fwank or Spike Lee... We certainly are full of ourself today, and I love effused wisdom better’n any other kind!

Noble flashlight lightin’ for them what refuse to see this AM...
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BL: Both Barney & Spike would garner some Faculty support. AND I can guarantee you that some Faculty goober has submitted Gene Nichol's name to the committee.
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2/21/2013 7:10:36 AM

58 Wolf Kennel
As long as it's not "three in a row", I don't care. Excellent piece of writing with a lot of truth in it (from your perspective). Don't think Tata-like people are the answer (hasn't proven anything to anybody yet), and you definitely can't have Randy (who has proven a lot) !!
Will thoroughly enjoy the responses you get on this gutsy piece, however.
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BL: Randy certainly has been a very good one so far.... MUCH better than many of his predecessors. Bruce Poulton = YOWSAAA !!!

The universe of "to anybody" is far greater than can be viewed thru your partisan lens. FAR greater.

The Wake County Sch Brd is THE most pathetic bi-partisan collection of stumblebums since the Keystone Kops.
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2/21/2013 4:09:12 AM

KathyP
I'm sure I speak for everyone who reads this - YOU, BobLee, are THE MAN for the job.
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BL: You mean "kissing Danica" or the other job? I bet Blondie a quarter someone was going to suggest that.

To Quote Ol' Roy back in 2000 - "I have decided to stay where I am.... but I do appreciate the offer."

And I assure you that you DO NOT speak for everyone who will read this one. :-)
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2/21/2013 12:13:18 AM

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