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(Almost) Bowled Over

Jan 4, ’13: My “can I do it” goal is within sight. Can I navigate an entire bowl season without watching more than “a half” of any one game? By golly I think I can. A tougher challenge would be reciting the names of every fired NFL coach while standing on one foot and holding a lighted match...... Speaking of GREAT books – I found another one (that AgentPierce HAS to read!).......

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Here’s a fun parlour game for “bowl season” – list the bowls that actually have live fans in their upper decks.

DidYouKnowThat..... the average Texas High School Football Playoff game draws a larger “live gate” than 83% of college bowl games. Heck, the average Texas High School has more members in their marching band than 50% of bowl games “crowds”......

The new standard for “does your school travel well to bowl games” is does your fan caravan contain more SUVs with window flags than the number of players your team suspended during December for “violation of unspecified team rules” aka VOUTR. Incidentally.... our totally unofficial numbers of thug-aletes suspended for VOUTR this past December stands at 46.   This season’s VOUTR roster contains not only “a white kid” YIKES, but “a FAMOUS white kid” – Colt McCoy’s kid brother at Texas.   So Orangebloods do have something left to brag about.

We applaud the new bowl swag trend. Eschewing the traditional cheap watchs, cheap walkmans and tacky faux velour warm-up suits that had become bowl swag staples, bowls now give “gift cards” to Best Buy.   This explains how players who can’t afford bus tickets to go back home for their grandmothers’ funerals CAN sport $200 Dr Dre headphones at their teams pre-game Old Well Walk of Champions thingys. Now you know......

KUDOS to TO’B and Frau !!!
While The Butcher and UNC wage a nasty media-duel over contractural semantics, The Marine and Kay’s sister resolve their contract buy-out issues without acrimony.   Tom (along with Smilin’ Jon Tenuta) is headed back to Hoo-ville in the shadow of Monticello.   Tom joins fellow former Wuff HFC Mike O’Cain (and UNC’s Bill Dooley and Wake’s AlGroh) in the unique fraternity of former “Big Four” head coaches who end up somewhere in Virginia.

This seems a nice solution for all concerned except neither TO’B nor Smilin’ Jon “recruit” because “recruiting is nastier than a Kardashian sex tape”.   Tenuta “doesn’t recruit” because “being the greatest defensive mind since Buddy Ryan” is a full-time job in itself. UVa will save a few dollars by simply reusing AlGroh’s parking sign – Reserved For The Greatest Defensive....... .   UVa’s definition for “great defensive mind” is “loses to VaTech by less than three touchdowns”.

Zapping The Marine only costs Frau $200,000 which is chump change these days. UNC spent more than that resolving unpaid parking tickets for Butcher’s “scholar-athletes” (wink, cough).   Speaking of NCSU HFCs..... did “Dave Who From Where” set a modern NCAA Bowl Season record for “being an interested spectator at not one but two bowl games where ‘his team’ got beat convincingly”? Does Guinness keep records for that? ....... Did Dave get to go shopping for Dr Dre headphones with either NCSU or “that directional MAC team that FlaState whupped up on”?

Here’s a head scratching math test..... which is greater:   (1) the number of NFL head coaches fired on “Black Monday” or (2) the number of NCAA bowl teams that played under a different head coach than they played their last regular season game with?

Is it true? Is Johnny Swofford counting Syracuse and Louisville as ACC Bowl wins? Will he count Notre Dame's if......

Is the term “interim head coach” now an official occupational category? ...... butcher, baker, candlestick maker, baristas, drug mules and interim head coach.... and, of course – “special consultant for the Tampa Bay Bucs”. Ouch!

Is Tommy Tubbeville THE Sleaziest job-jumper in the history of college football? Tommy Tubbs has now “lied to dem boys” at at least three academic institutions (so far).   He is now at his fourth “dream job”. Bobby Petrino is a distant second.

Actually Lane Kiffin is in a class by himself as “sleazy football coach”. He looked like the Unibomber at The Sun Bowl.   Prediction: Kiffin will eventually bring more NCAA sanctions down on USC than an Escalade full of Reggie Bushs and OJ Mayos.

Now attention turns to ACC Basketball. I still can’t name half of the 15 starters for State, UNC and Duke combined nor do I feel compelled to care. I’m sure Duke still has a few Plumlees, don’t they?

I was with a bunch of adult UNC fans this week. The subject of “Butch” came up as it usually does.   The assembled UNCers all agreed that “they” would NOT walk away from $500,000 either simply because UNC admins wrote up a sloppy buy-out contract. And "UNC's former AD" had a law degree too!

How relevant are “bowl games”? Who can name ECU’s bowl game and/or their opponent without googling? If you can – GET A LIFE! Is there a sadder bunch than "yahoos who pay attention to bowl games"? Yes - "yahoos who get excited about National Signing Day". FWIW..... there's a lot of overlap among those two groups of sad yahoos.

That GREAT book I reistened to this week was “Stuff White People Like” by Christian Lander. The title is misleading. It should be “Stuff The Pretentious Faux-Intellectual PC-crowd Likes”.   It is a Jeff Foxworthy-esque Redneck book about uber-Liberals.   I actually bought a hard copy to give to AgentPierce.   He’ll love it, so will many of you.

Other than that, I’m in to John Sandford’s series of Lucas Davenport & Virgil Flowers vs grisly serial killers in Minnesota these days.

Remind me again... which pro league is on strike THIS year - The NHL or the NBA?

Speaking of which..... am I the only one who thinks Andy Reid is really old PGAer Craig Stadler?   If Erin Andrews grew a walrus mustache she might look like Craig Stadler too. You know your NFL team is totally irrelevant if neither Andy Reid nor Jon Gruden is rumored to be your next coach.

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Posted: January 04, 2013 at 8:53 AM by SaidWHATMedia | with 15 comments

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	thailand
	Silly bowl games..... Now onto blase'basketball.....Duke is a headstrong number-one in the nation so far this season, but I also couldn't name a player on their team except for one of the Plum guys.....Zero for Wake, Only a guy named Bullock and another named McAdoo for Carolina--not sure if he has any connection with Coach Smith's junior college transfer from Gardner Webb or that African American history whiz , and for my West Raleigh boys can think of Scott Wood and some guy named Calvin or CC, a Brown and Tony Warren's son, but that's about it.......As far as coaches go I can only think of Coach K at Duke, Coach Williams at Carolina, Coach Gottfried at State....... Kind of lost interest back during the Tiny Pinder days--saw it "all" starting to implode about the time Norm recruited 12 players like buying lottery tickets one season hoping that one might hit, after the DT days--when it became a struggle to understand exactly what the kids were saying at interviews......Long for the days of the Code (Paul Coder), Vann Williford, Ed Leftwich, Rick Anheuser, Joe Dunning, even Rene L( with his dean's listing in CE--really :-)) when that State team beat Frank McGuire's South Carolina thugs for the ACC Championship), but alas........Cameron crazies used to look smart and witty and original--now they look silly and redundant........the originality and spontaneity and hilarity of a "JR can't Read" now blurred into that toady Muslim ("Mushroom" as my Thai wife says) prayer head bounce thing that all the schools seem to copy...... Long for pretty little Anne Davis and her pom poms and her hips swaying to the Water Melon Song on the wooden planks of dear old Reynolds, but alas again.....Just can't see getting the old La Sabre cranked up for a drive out to State's home court out by the Tilt-a-Whirl for an exciting game with Norfolk State with grating hip hop from high up in an an arena (whatever it is called now) where they insist on keeping on the uncomfortably glary house lights?........ So it's sunny Thailand for me with a pending trip to see my first grandchild--little Reed in Portland, Ore.........Then hitch a ride over to Raleigh to see an old canine friend one last time, a few friends and family, dine at Mitch's to watch a a game or two on the HD widescreen because as much as I seem to complain in this note, I can never completely lose that basketball fever.....It started at the Pullen Park Armory on dusty boards on cold winter afternoons..... and made its way over by the railroad tracks, along the giant magnolias just a few years later......Now back to my Thai Beach Bunnies playing volleyball and an occasional listen on the Internet to see how the Pack is doing.......Happy New Year to You and all your readers and commenters....... ________ BL: I think I saw that ACC Tourn game when Williford & Co beat McGuire. I know I saw the one where Biedenbach dribbled for 38 minutes..... Rene Lovisa LIVES! I was in Reynolds recently for the State Hall of Fame thingy. Still shutter what woulda happened if anyone had ever yelled FIRE when that place was jam-packed. Those uber-narrow stairwells woulda been death traps. I am very impressed by the TO'B to UVa deal. Classy move by both Frau and Tom. .
	1/4/2013 7:39:49 PM

	Bill
	ECU's loss was to ULL (Univ. of Louisiana, Lafayette or "Ooh (U) La La" as some of us like to say because we disdain the LA legislature's decision a few years ago to re-name some of the state's colleges so as to make them more easily identifiable as part of the LSU system. ULL was previously well known and loved in LA as USL--the University of Southwest Louisiana. At least they are still the Ragin' Cajuns) in the New Orleans Bowl. Of course, I only know this because I live in the N.O. area and still subscribe to the area's now thrice weekly rather than daily fish-wrap, the Times Picayune. I suspect that the New Orleans Bowl outdrew the Sugar Bowl where the ACC's newest member with no connection to the coast of the Atlantic ocean carved up the U of F. For sure there were no orange & blue colors to be seen in the upper level of the Mercedes Benz Superdome. Not that I watched the whole game. Just looked in during commercials while viewing re-runs of Top Gear, Wheeler Dealers and Chasing Classic Cars. Much more entertaining, even the 5th time around, than bowl games these days. ________ BL: Both UOooh La La and Times Picayune are classic names that are fun to say. Of course anything said by "cajuns" sounds fun. Our good buddy over in Beaumont is NOT happy about FB in Austin these days. Aggies on display tonight at Jerry's Palace. .
	1/4/2013 6:28:58 PM

	Norm
	Like one of your other commenters, I was at the Gator Bowl, with my son, a recent Northwestern grad. I can assure you that the win in that bowl (even a "minor" bowl) was a huge deal to the NU (not NW) players and fans. Of course, it had been 60+ years since the last bowl victory. _________ BL: That drought is/was "the longest in the nation" I believe. I hope NU's legacy coach stays there FOREVER. He seems like a very rare person in a very smelly bizness. .
	1/4/2013 5:22:11 PM

	THE Jon Sasser
	BL, sorry I missed this when it came out. I am in New York on a case that ruined both Christmas and New Year's. The fictitious December 28 Fox Sports article caused a lot of people to jump to conclusions. Where to begin? As everyone knows by now, FIU has hired someone other than Butch Davis. Coach Davis was never even in the mix. As any conscientious BLS reader knows, there was never a 2011 settlement agreement between UNC and Coach Davis. As NCSU68 has pointed out, any obligations of UNC to Coach Davis are governed by the contract in force at his termination. There is no current dispute between UNC and Coach Davis. There were no discussions with UNC about the FIU job. UNC has no right to veto a job opportunity for Coach Davis. There was no potential deal with FIU -- for $500,000 or any number. Those who speculated that Coach Davis was going to sign with FIU on January 16 should go back to checking Coach Davis's phone records for the number of the Trilateral Commission. I will go back to correcting false statements on the Internet, then turn to cleaning out the Augean Stables. ___________ BL: Jon, has anyone suggested UNC had any "veto power" over BD's future? That sounds positively Mike Nifong-esque. How come BD's name isn't springing up for all these NFL gigs? Or is the TB "consulting" gig too sweet to consider leaving?.... Do you think BD will ever be a Head Coach again? If not, what future does John Blake have? re: The Butch phone records crowd.... "they' now outnumber "birthers". .
	1/4/2013 4:13:35 PM

	AO in Gsbo
	I hear UNC is trying to have their first game this fall cancelled or changed after seeing Jadavion Clowney completely distroy Michigan's running back. They now realize he's too young to go pro and will be back to start his Heisman bid by eating a few Tar Heels to kick off the season on national tube. _________ BL: "Hearing that" no doubt from the same reliable source that had Fedora begging Tennessee for an interview.... :-) .
	1/4/2013 3:50:33 PM

	George Moore
	Please explain how you can see the sunset on the San Gabriel Mountains from Pasadena which is west of the San Gabriels. _________ BL: EXCELLENT Question. I wondered that went I visted the Rose Bowl several years ago. I think it is a shot from the Goodyear/Met Life Blimp floating far EAST of the RB and the mountains.... not a view from within the stadium itself. .
	1/4/2013 1:57:08 PM

	Maha
	Swag, I caught amovie on tv with mark harmon playing a cop by the same name in minn. Same character? Pretty good movie. Also would you please comment on the connection between gov. martin and that weasel tom ross.i think that whole thing was a set up big Davidson connection. Maha. _________ BL: Yes, its a great cop v killer series by John Sandford. Lucas is very cool.... always chasing down serial killers. All the books have "Prey" in the title. Had not thought about "Davidson connection" but Ross really was not there very long. He (Ross) has not impressed me as BOG prez. .
	1/4/2013 11:38:13 AM

	NCSU68Grad
	BH & BL, Chuck is at Akron. A Bowden is the HC and there is another on the Assistant list. Many FSU rejects (Jimbo house cleaning) and quite a few from Northern AL. Old coaches never die, they just keep hiring each other. Coach Bowden's photo looks like he could be the next Terry Bradshaw spokesperson for a men's diet plan. Google Akron and go to their home page and the Coaches panel. __________ BL: Mack Brown is a candidate for "most bloated Big Time coach" too. But Barry Alvarez has dropped a lotta lbs since leaving coaching. .
	1/4/2013 10:38:34 AM

	Barbara W Bare
	BL, do you remember the days when every bowl game actually meant something, and watching 3 games on New Year's Day was a thrill? Rose, Cotton, Sugar, Orange. No FEDEXPapaJohn'sAllstatePepsiXYZ bowls. and they say the world is getting better...yeah. _______ BL: Bowl games "jumped the shark" when they let in corporate sponsors. .
	1/4/2013 10:38:00 AM

	Jay
	Great column. I especially enjoyed "UVA's definition of a great defensive mind" and the image you conjured of Erin Andrews with a walrus mustache, now that's funny (and scary)! _____________ BL: I'm waiting for HokieJim's comments on that one! .
	1/4/2013 10:31:15 AM

	NCSU68Grad
	Interesting observations this AM. I admit to being a little bleary eyed as the games end late and I gotta get my 8 hrs. I don't know if the bowls are predictors that 2013 will be totaly screwey and maybe the Mayans were right. One does lose interest when the lower ranked team has a substantial lead and the higher rank coach is using the TOB pep talk..."Gotum where we wantum...". As to TOB, the non compete clause IS a LF item. However, actually READING the contract and properly enforcing it is DEFINITELY a Debbie Yow KUDO. Tomorrow, if you recall, is the day that UNC receives the greatest fictional work since the Presidents last speech. Coach Davis must supply his "Certification" document and it will surely NOT list his consulting $$'s from TB. Perhaps Bubba and the baristas from light blue land need to consult with folks wearing the R&W. Debbie DOES a Wahoo would be a good headline. But, we do, in all sincerity, wish TOB, JB, Dana Bible and the rest the best of luck....as long as they are not on the opposite side against Coach D. I also lost interest last night when all the commentators were talking about where the OU coach would be flying this morning rather than the game. Switched over to BB and low and behold, a "wonder kid" was being whipped, rather handidly. His AZ Wildcats were no match from the thundering Buffalo herd from CO. However, the calvary got there just in time....CO got "HESSED". Google AZ CO BB Referee and you get more hits than a preggy Kardashian in a itsy bitsy yellow poka dot bikini. SO, Sean lives to keep his record. Clicked back to the OU KS game and my FAVORITE ACC Ref was explaining the One Point Safety Rule. Having Ref Cherry call the second most important bowl game is enough to chase any HOT college FB coach to the NFL. So, I changed the channel and CAL & UCLA were battling. Set the timer and tried to go to sleep, but the UNC names of Drew II and Wear Twins kept popping up. Opened my eyes to see Shebang Muhamed hit a pretty 3 and muttered, UCLA is coming BACK! I can actually name 10 of the starters of the big 3. Will send you my home address for my prize, a fifth of Crown. The Bowl Season has set the tone....Look at the headlines. McCrory appoints Tony Tata. Libs enraged as his resume does NOT have a Duke PhD in ANTHROPOLOGY like Gene Conti. Grossly not qualified to run the NCDOT. Former Gov Martin gets into urinating contest with Dan Kane...and PSU uses UNC as evidence of NCAA gross incompetence. Prez Obummer returns (est cost - $3 - $5 MILLION) to Hawaii vacation after SAVING middle class tax breaks. And, this just in....jobs number LOW again. CNBC interviewing one of the very FEW females on Prez's cabinet and she is telling us happy days are here again. My challenge to you and your followers is to name One Fourth of Prez and Gov's cabinet members. I think number one on my Letterman List is Al Gore turning down a Hostile (isn't BOTH of them always that way) Bid by Glen Beck for his Lib Network. Then the guy that has expelled enough gas and thermal energy (from both orifices) to totally power Chapel Hill until a new chancellor is crowned, sold it to the Saudi's. 2013 - the Mayans had it right...only the world did not end - it just got STRANGER.... _________ BL: Guv McC having BOTH "the eeeeevil Art Pope" AND "that horrible military guy" on his cabinet must have the N&O comment weasels in full riot mode. .
	1/4/2013 10:30:35 AM

	Kelly
	What is your favorite bowl moment? __________ BL: Same as every year..... "the sun setting over the San Gabriel Mountains" in Pasadena. It is The Pauxatawney Phil Moment every Bowl Season. .
	1/4/2013 10:15:20 AM

	BH
	What ever happened to Chuck Amato? ________ BL: I hear he's the 8th-9th choice for the FIU gig if Butch actually turns it down. .
	1/4/2013 10:11:13 AM

	BC in PV
	I think you will find this tidbit of interest. I happened to be part of the officiating group for the Gator Bowl I was on the Northwestern sideline recording most of what happened as it related to penalties, down, distance and ball location. About halfway through the game, it dawned on me that about half of the Northwestern team is composed of white players! I also noticed a TOTAL lack of dreads and tattoos! I also noticed that they were the most disciplined team I’ve seen in a long time. Very refreshing! ________ BL: Yeah, Northwestern & Stanford are going to receive "lack of dreadlocks & tatts" sanctions soon from the NCAA. .
	1/4/2013 10:06:44 AM

	wolfbuff
	Frau Yow pulled another trick out of her bag of tricks. Not sure if she or Uncle Jed put the non-compete clause in the contract, but that allowed her to negotiate. Frankly, I thought TOB would ride off into the sunset. He'll be a positive addition to UVa's staff. I didn't read the book that you recommended, but there are faux-intellectuals on both sides of the aisle. _________ BL: Very smooth move by "Kay's sister". Wonder why Dickie never thought of that.... bwahahahaha. No, "my side" are all just "gun-crazy tea partying rednecks". Don't you read The N&O? .
	1/4/2013 9:11:41 AM