RIMSHOTS: A Carolina CreepyCrawlie PLUS....

Jan 21, '13:  RIMSHOTS:

A For Real Carolina Creepy Crawlie
...... Meet Phillip Bridges ’86.  Phillip ‘86 wrote a letter to The Daily Tar Heel last week.  Here is a portion of Phillip’s screed.

...... Maybe we can pay someone who knows how to coach and win like John Calipari and at least get our basketball program back in shape.
     I have always thought Calipari was of questionable ethics and would never fit UNC, but since the Dick Baddour era, we are forever tarnished and that no longer matters.
     Let’s just put Roy into retirement and onto the golf course, where he always tells us he prefers to be, and get us a real basketball coach who can at least teach our team how to play aggressive defense before it is too late.
Phillip Bridges ’86
Greenville, S.C.


     Is ’86 Phillip’s age, birth year, college class, or SAT score?  Who knows/cares? Lets assume “UNC class” which qualifies this goggle-eyed goober as “a 45 y/o little league right fielder”.
     There is nothing noteworthy about “Phillip Bridges ‘86 of Greenville SC” or that he so dogmatically demands Roy’s dismissal.  Wanna bet Phillip also despises “all State fans”, “all Duke fans”, Steve Spurrier & Dick Vitale.   Also his boss – neighbors – in-laws – local city manager – school superintendent – UPS & FedEx - his cable provider and, if I’m so lucky, Phillip '86 despises me too.  If he didn’t he will now.
     This mad magpie is a tired cliché of a pathetic faction of the college sports fan universe – the sad sack no-lifer who invests his thimble of self-worth in the success of a sports team.  When his team-o-choice IS successful – he hops on the bandwagon to brag, boast and preen around the water cooler.  Alas, when his team-o-choice is less than totally successful; he, with his thimble of self-worth, is exposed as naught but a pathetic sack-o-skin..... a terminal "L".
     Phillip Bridges ‘86 is, we assume (hey, it’s the Internet!) a Carolina Bandwagon Bozo.  Wanna bet he is a 500+ post premium subscriber to InsideCarolina?   
     Be assured my Wuffie friends.... you have your version of Phillip Bridges ‘86’s too.  Every fan base has'em and always will.   Sigh.... sniff..... sob.    Rage on Phillip Bridges ‘86.  Rage on.

PS: At least two other "Phil / Philip Bridges" on Earth have already notified the DTH that they are NOT this flaming nitwit.  Both are so embarrassed they are petitioning to change their own names to Adolph Hitler and Jennifer Wiley respectively.

+++++

Manti-gate.... Week Two
...... As I predicted, this is “an azalea” of a story.  It will be the most colorful flower in America’s pop culture garden for a week or so.   Then it will simply not be any more.   As your favorite commentator of cultural absurdity, I do so love these “Huh, Say WHAT?” stories.    No one gets hurt really.  No real harm is done to the fragile fabric of America.  America’s disassembly as a once mighty nation is not noticeably accelerated as a result of Manti’s imaginary romance.  It has not been entered into The Congressional Record..... yet.
    If Manti Te’o was not at NOTRE DAME (echo, echo, echo....) and had not been hyped over the past several months by the Heisman thingy, this woulda been a one-day sidebar story.  “Naïve college kid gets punked.....” snicker, snicker, yawn and pass me the nachos please.  But he IS at NOTRE DAME (echo etc) and he has an unusual name with an apostrophe (Nyang’oro !!) and it is so freakin’ bizarre..... and this does NOT involve a Kardashian or the collapse of the Lakers or gun control.   
    That Manti and his faux cyber romance stole substantial limelight from Lance & Oprah proves the existence of a god of happenstance.  That Manti will now “tell all.... or maybe not” in an over-hyped sit down with over-hyped Katie Couric officially elevates this goofypalooza to cover story of Significantly Insignificant Magazine.   
    Has Gloria Allred announced she is defending Lennay Kekua yet?.....  Has Playboy offered Miss Kekua the standard $1,000,000 for a nude pictorial?......  Have we determined the color of lapel ribbon to wear if we Support Manti & Lennay?.....  Do we know how Sean Penn, Sheryl Crowe and Harry Belafonte feel about this yet?...... In the pantheon of Pathetic, does "imaginary girl friend" trump "inflatable girl friend"?
    The official process by which America digests abject foolishness is well-ordered and cannot be short-circuited.
    I give it all another ten days max.

+++++

Wait’ll Phillip Bridges '86 reads THIS !!!!!
...... While literally dozens of DTH readers were digesting Phillip Bridges ‘86’s raging Roy rant (see above) last week, guess where I was?   An OFFCIAL UNC Fat Cat (a mogul no less) invited lil’ ol me to be his VIP guest at last Thursday’s Roy’s basketball team practice in Dean’s Dome.

NOTE To Great Unpleasantness Addicts:  The banners ARE still in “the rafters” and there were zero signs of impending dismantlement.  I checked.  George Glamack’s giant jersey still flutters high above the hallowed hardwood..... at least for now.

    Eric, the designated Roy Staff Guy, gave us a guided tour of the fairly recently fancied up UNC BB Inner Sanctum HQ.  We were assured that UNC’s fancy facilities are every bit as blingy and over-the-top as every other upper-echelon program trying to dazzle impressionable 17 y/os with hop and Jr Hi reading comprehension.  On an oppulance scale it's below the Biltmore in Asheville but well above The Avett Brothers' tour bus.
     Our personable tour guide did not mention Deborah Crowder nor did I feel it apropos to ask her whereabouts.
     Yes, I even had a brief conversation with ORW himself.  Putting me one up on former Governor Jim Martin in that regard.  Ouch.  Roy’s familiarity with “famous Internet provocateurs” is very very limited.   Both words – Internet and “provocateur” – generated no hint of awareness.   Ouch again.
    A Roy Practice is orchestrated with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker.  We were provided copies of that day’s schedule of what will happen when and dang if Roy doesn’t stick within 30 seconds of it.  If he did decide to deviate from the schedule, one got the impression he would not need to ask anyone else’s permission to do so..... not even Phillip Bridges ’86.

+++++

Garden & Gun’s BEST ISSUE EVER
...... We love Garden & Gun magazine.  It’s like Southern Living and Our State except lots better.  The latest issue (Feb/March) is BEST EVER.   Every article and even the little sidebar blurbs are interesting.   Don’t let the title concern you.... G&G is not “aimed” at “right-wing gun-nuts” at all..... “aimed” being a bit of an intended pun.  "Left-wing tree-huggers" will enjoy it too assuming "left-wingers" enjoy anything.   
    G&G is aimed at any aficionado of Southern culture and lifestyle.  Yes, it is somewhat “high brow” with more stories on fox-hunting at Aiken than NASCARing at Talladega but any BobLee Buddy or Babe should appreciate it.   Check it out.

+++++

Roman Numeral Bowl Hype Begins
...... Given a choice of which story line will be beaten to death over the next two weeks, I opt for The Brothers Harbaughs over Ray Lewis’ Sidewalk Sermons That God Is A Ravens’ Fan.  
    I grant Ray Lewis his first ballot induction into Canton et al but I find him like a habanera pepper.  A little bit of Ray Lewis is fine but any more than a little bit is waaaay too much.
    I don’t really care what Bill Belichek has to say in victory or defeat but him refusing to say it is boorish.  30 seconds of banal clichés is all CBS asked Bill.  Man up a**h***.

++++

Stan Musial died
...... I’ll ruminate on the passing of Stan Musial in a future column.  More than just “The Man” has departed the American sports scene.

++++

Happy MLKB Day Ya'll
..... Happy Martin Luther King Boulevard Day everyone.  I can never remember, is this the day he was born.... died.... or "had a dream"?   Government employees don't have to work today.  Whats their excuse the other 364 days/year?

++++++
Posted: January 21, 2013 at 9:18 AM by SaidWHATMedia | with 17 comments
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Comments
CNR
Stan played on teams with his good friend, Buddy Griffey, the father of Ken Sr. and the grandfather of Jr., Junior was born on the same date November 21st as Stan.

The Griffey's went home to Donora so that Jr. would be born there. Jr. was raised in Cincinnati and attended Archbishop Moeller High School.

Also, the excellent article you sent had Mr. Musial working in a zinc mine. He worked at a zinc plant.
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BL: Thanks! CNR KNOWS! :-)
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1/22/2013 10:29:56 AM

Don
Stop piling on!! He is simply asking UNC to stop being part pregnant. Wittingly or unwittingly enough UNC administrators made their Faustian bargains and instead of trying to ignore them, honor them fully. The feckless NCAA will do nothing. He is simply asking for honest, proud prostitution!! Let's not be discriminatory nor judgmental!!!
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BL: Huh? So you are defending Phillip'86's calling for Roy's canning in favor of "a Calipari"? OK. As for P'86's "right" to publicly yelp. Certainly he has that right as any "fan" does.

As for "blaming Dickie" for poor/no oversight "while Rome burned", I have maintained that for years.

That the NCAA has "done nothing" to UNC is a giant myth created & promoted wherever ABCers gather to conjure up their juiciest conspiracy theories. .... whether its been "a wrist slap" instead of the "deserved?" DEATH PENALTY or somewhere in between depends on how obsessed one is on this issue
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1/22/2013 8:13:43 AM

Dean_Smith_Fan
In case you are wondering about MLK, here is a link to his Letter from a Birmingham Jail from a conservative Anglican web site

http://www.kendallharmon.net/t19/index.php/t19/article/47274/#more

Stan Musial was a great American and a great Cardinal. What other Major League Baseball Player shares his hometown and birthday?
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BL: I don't know but CNR will know.
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1/21/2013 9:39:10 PM

David in Morganton
Garden & Gun is a very good magazine but they almost lost me when they had Ted Turner on the cover and called him a Southern Hero.
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BL: I can appreciate your feelings. I never said it was an unflawed publication. :-) .... I would call Turner "a Southern character".
.
1/21/2013 6:52:07 PM

NCSU68Grad
Three musings....
Poster just received.... If President Obama spent the same resources and political capital on SPENDING Control as GUN Control, then every American Man, Woman, Child and Baby would not owe $52,000 EACH to the Chinese.

Second.....Which is a greater weapon of Mass Destruction?

An AR-15 in the hands of a deranged lunatic?.... A Dr. in an Abortion Clinic with a scapel in his hand?.... A politicians Liberal Mouth and a Liberal reporter's Word Processer?

Finally, Manti will require more 24/7 protection if he lands a lucrative NFL Contract than the President's daughters in Sidwell, the Quaker School, with 11 Special Police Officers on Staff. NOTE....in DC, the SPO certificate is issued when you complete 40 (50?) hours of Firearms training....
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BL: Sidwell Friends is the HS alma mater of that Patti Hurst wannabee at UNC several years ago - "The only Morehead Scholar to be arrested while a student at UNC".
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1/21/2013 6:08:20 PM

BigBobby
G&G = Biscuits, Bourbon, and Bird Dogs.

Enraged an anti-gun nut recently when he said he wasn't coming for my shotgun. I told him Joe Biden said the same thing.

What really pissed him off was that all the "features" of an assault weapon were present on one of mine, but the one that really scared him the most was.......the gun was BLACK! They see everything through a prism of color.

G&G is a great read, with some real fun guest writers, could use some more Dan Jenkins.
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BL: We need laws re: crazy guys "from Delaware". :-)

(BigBobby is the other famous guy from Delaware.... he's the smart one!)
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1/21/2013 12:39:39 PM

Mike
No, I don't think the DTH has stooped to create letters like that from nothing - and it looks bad for the school, something they generally avoid. Generally.

I was just thinking that in this day of fake girlfriends, what's a fake writer? Whitepages.com lists no person named "Phillip Bridges" in Greenville. Certainly not definitive proof, but maybe enough to cast doubt on this guy. Most alumnae would also realize this kind of thing looks terrible. Maybe, just maybe, the DTH posted a real letter from a rival fan. I have no idea what kind of fact-checking they do, but if it's anything like the national football media's...
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BL: Like never before in history - "Truth" is whatever you want it to be and wherever you want to look for it. That goes for politics, sports, science or romance.

I vote that P'86 IS a for-real UNC board monkey and is really quite distraught over UNC BB's uncharacteristically up/down season to date. His sole reason for living is imperiled. Desperate loonies resort to desperate measures.

As I so often point out.... there is no difference in what one can find in the sub-basement of any fan base. I've personally tangled with the likes of P'86 that I know for a fact are UNC "fans" (if not alumni).
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1/21/2013 12:14:13 PM

Cliff
BobLee:
My wife who is not from the South but been here long enough to have been in the Junior League, must have been one of the first subscribers to Garden & Gun. She loves it also and describes it as Town and Country for the South. Of course we also have a subscription to Southern Living and Our State. Check out the last page in the recent SL mag on husbands learning the art of groveling. Very funny.
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B: "T&C For The South" is a good description. While it does play to an upscale reader it also has plenty of down-home Southern Life stories too.... simply THE BEST magazine out there these days. IMO! .... and a Pretty magazine to just peruse.

FTR.... I do enjoy Our State too. SL has gotten to ad-heavy and advert-torial in recent years.
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1/21/2013 11:57:38 AM

TM in RoswellGA
So I’m not the only person working on MLK Day. ..... I look forward to your piece on Stan the Man.

During my pre and very early school days I lived in Lumberton. My mother’s relatives live in the Fairmont, Orrum, Procterville areas and were farmers. My mother’s oldest sister’s husband was Clyde King’s cousin and an ex baseball player of note in the area. He was also the community barber. Every Saturday locals would come to his home and sit in his parlor (hair cutting room) and listen to the Cardinals game on his floor model radio. I would sit on the floor and listen also, then go outside and replay the game. For some reason he could only pick up the Cardinal’s network. Stan the Man was everyone’s favorite not only because he was great but because he was a “nice guy”.

In the early 80’s I helped organize and sponsored an Old Timer’s baseball game and golf tournament in Sarasota, FL. We had some of the great old timers participate, including Ted Williams, Pee Wee Reese, Al Kaline, Warren Spahn, Phil Rizzuto, Lew Burdett and Stan Musial and many others including some Hall of Famers.. Got to spend lots of time with all of them, much in a hospitality room where many of them proved to be as good at drinking as baseball. Ernie Hartwell did the broadcasting and was perhaps more standoffish than the players.

All were congenial but the two nicest and most down to earth were Stan Musial and Al Kaline. Wish we had more like them playing now, I might be a fan again.
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B: When I do more on Stan The Man, we will include some incredible stories from CNR who knew STM very well, as well as Earl Weaver.
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1/21/2013 11:47:04 AM

Nicole The FCT @ The DTH
Haha, yeah that was crazy! (P'86 etc) It definitely was not made up by the DTH, but I'm not sure if it is an actual alum, if I were to guess, I would hope it was a joke (world full of haters!). I talked to Roy the other day at their special olympics clinic, you should check out my story online! Also check out the picture I attached, I don't mean to be cheating on the football team haha. How are things on your end though?
Nicole C.
_________

BL: End of debate. No higher authority than "The FCT on The DTH". Thanks kid.

When ORW didn't know ME I shoulda dropped your name. Between us our fame pretty much covers the globe.
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1/21/2013 11:38:57 AM

rowdybluetarheeler
new announcement -
next up on the Oprah show - lil' Barry Soetoro confessing all his sins. Note - due to the excessive volume of content this will be a 5 part series...
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BL: Madame O as well as Perky Katie have all praised BHO for five yeas and will continue to do so ad infinitum.
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1/21/2013 11:25:30 AM

Emmette Taylor
Very well said. Wish we only had one goober like Phil86 but we have quite a collection in the Pack! G&G is very good magazine. Learned of it thru my daughter who subscribes. Keep up the good work .
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BL: Betcha this is the only place were G&G - RayLewis - and crazy board monkeys are all discussed. :-)
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1/21/2013 10:55:53 AM

Mike
Let me be the next to say this has to be made up. Get us a coach just doesn't seem to flow right, and even the worst goobers don't seem to want to say we're tarnished forever. That's straight off the woof-loon cheer sheet. I know we probably have fans that wacko but I hope try can't figure out how to buy stamps.
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BL: Hey, would DTH editors perpetrate a fraud on us? BL Babe "FCT Nicole" is a muckety-muck at the DTH; I'll ask her.
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1/21/2013 10:44:16 AM

CT
Can I get away with wondering how Uncle Julius celebrates MLK Day?
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BL: You can certainly do so here but I'd suggest not doing so in The N&O or WRAL comment sections.

To your question.... I don't know but welcome other readers thoughts.
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1/21/2013 10:43:33 AM

wolfbuff
"Be assured my Wuffie friends.... you have your version of Phillip Bridges ‘86’s too."

Hey, why are you bringing us into it? We're just enjoying the show.
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BL: Because this is an interactive website. We like to get everyone involved.

AND there has been "speculation" that Phillip'86 is actually a Wuff in Ram clothing under the myth that "our fans would never be so stoopid!" One woulda thought the past 2.5 years woulda shattered that old delusion but I guess not.

I do believe P'86 is indeed "our own home-grown bottom-feeder".
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1/21/2013 10:32:03 AM

JL
So I'm not the only one who has zoned out on RayLewis 24/7. I, too, appreciate his passion for FB et al but I passed "enough" several weeks ago.
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BL: But ESPN hasn't had "enough" yet so put your TV on mute for two weeks.
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1/21/2013 10:26:08 AM

FredInFlorence
On behalf of all UNC aums/fans in The Palmetto State we formally disown that jackass. Being critical of a coach is every fan's right (and we all do it on occasion of a tough loss); but Phillip '86 is, as you say, a "goober".

Want to bet he has "an inflatable wife" too?
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BL: We can only speculate on the assorted accoutrements of Phillip'86's existence. But let's not..... high YUCK Factor there.
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1/21/2013 10:20:10 AM

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