"Sports' Parallel Universe Part II": I told you so.


Jan 17, ’13:  As if I needed to further prove my incredibly insightful theory on sport’s “real playing field” – the parallel cyber-universe where sports now takes place (as well as politics, international banking, romance and pretty much everything).   This one isn’t 24 hours old so goodness knows where it will be in another 24.  Check with your personal Nigerian banker just in case. ...... Will the new verb be “being Manti-ed” or “being Te’o-ed”?

My very very VERY dear friend “PrinceAlbert” (aka PA) wrote me this week to ask “who are Chip Hilton and Gil Thorp?”   OK, neither Blondie nor Kid have a clue re: Chip or Gil but “sports” has not been a key component in their lives over the past 50+ years.   PA is the only human being I know who has never seen Godfather, Animal House OR Caddyshack so no interrogatory from him ever really surprises me.   He won't know nuthin about Manti Te'o.

PA is one of God’s most uniquely wonderful creations and NO ONE's choice for a teammate in Pop Culture Jeopardy.   But, he’s a most excellent choice to stand next to in a lightning storm.  PA has connections in VERY High Places.

Since this LuLu just broke Wednesday night, even some of you “in the know” sorts might still be scratching your head on this one.

Thumbnailing:  That Notre Dame linebacker that was runner-up for the Heisman and subsequently run-over, run-around and run-thru by the entire Crimson Tide football team, is now either (1) the most gullible goober since Howard Sprague and Cliff Clavin; or (2) the newest Superhero of BoardMonkeyWorld.
 
 

Being a Notre Dame football hero..... AND having a fictitious Internet girlfriend!  Is that not a Willie Wonka Golden Ticket for the perpetually pathetic?

For a State board monkey that’s like:  Being named “the Ken Starr” lead independent investigator for The Great Unpleasantness..... with full subpoena powers over both Jennifer Wiley and Deborah Crowder.

For a UNC board monkey that’s like:  Dan Kane being a human piñata and you being handed a baseball bat.

Here’s a compendium of this “Huhhhhh !!!!”.

One of my first, of many thoughts, was “are we sure that Katherine Webb really exists?”  Did State really beat Duke..... then get whupped at Maryland?   Speaking of which.... The WuffPack's perch atop the ACC standings was noticeably shorter than the presidency of William Henry Harrison..... OUCH!

Blondie’s immediate conclusion (she’s a BIG “Elementary” fan btw) is “He’s as gay as Barney Franks' proctologist.  This “girlfriend” ruse was a convenient “beard”.

As I said above.... only 24 hours old, this is so far from being “cleared up” that any first blush conclusions should be written on an Etch-a-Sketch for easy erasing.

AgentPierce immediately noted that “the N&O is already blaming Art Pope” and “Bill Barber is holding a imaginary rally on Fayetteville Street in support of Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend.

Governor Jim Martin has offered to conduct an investigation so long as he doesn’t have to actually interview Te’o, his accomplices, the ND AD, Ol’ Roy, or anyone who might actually know anything about it.

ESPN has already apologized in advance for whatever Brent Musberger might, or might not, say about how pretty this imaginary girl would be if she was real.

It's purely "the luck of the Irish" that Beano Cook (and Lindsey Nelson) are not aiive to witness this.

In Tuscaloosa, AJ McCarron is laughing his butt off.  "Yo Manti - I WIN AGAIN!  Mine's real."

Marvin Austin & Greg Little claim they met "her" at that South Beach party.

Lane Kiffin called a press conference in LA to announce “I’m pretty sure even we haven’t done anything THIS silly..... yet.”

The Pope (the one with the funny hat & slippers.... not “Art”) has contacted the Prez of Notre Dame as to what form of imaginary birth control the cyber lovers practiced.

Regis Philbin has sequestered himself in The Grotto refusing to take texts from anyone but Joe Theisman, Joe Montana or Mike Golic.  Regis did issue this tweet – “this is even more embarrassing than Hornung winning the Heisman back in ‘56”.

Neither Kim Kardashian nor Richard "Dickie" Baddour have said anything but somehow both just belongs in the middle of this somehow

Jon Sasser: Will your client be issuing a video response re:Te'o - I didn't know nuthin' ?

Bill Clinton, Andrew Weiner, Eliot Spitzer and “that idiot SC governor” want to know the URL for “ImaginaryGals_R_Us.com.   That “idiot UNC physics professor in jail in Argentina” says he thinks she is “a Twitter friend”.

Obama has ordered his dimwitted toadie, Bozo Joe, to wrap up the gun control mess and get cracking on stopping this epidemic of cyber-kanoodling.   Joe replied “yesssa boss” and poked himself in the eye with his thumb.

“Touchdown Jesus” is no longer signaling a TD.  He has been renamed “Throwing up his arms in abject embarrassment Jesus”.

Skip Bayless & Stephen A Smith are screaming at one another that “we never had these problems before Tim Tebow came into the NFL”.

Somewhere Grantland Rice bemoans:

“Outlined against a blue gray January sky the Four Horsemen..... have dismounted, unsaddled their steeds, and curled up into fetal positions.  The echoes of their cries have been awakened.”

Was there REALLY "a Gipper"...........  Rudy, please call Dan Devine ASAP.

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BobLeeLIVE is coming to Wilmington on Fri - Feb 1
Greater Wilmington Sports Club !!!
For tickets & Details contact:
The number is 910.620.3906 - and online at www.gwshof.com

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Posted: January 17, 2013 at 10:54 AM by SaidWHATMedia | with 9 comments
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Comments
YogiNC
Ummmm...Uncle Juius gave her an A, and a note that said she would make a fine tutor, and tell Dickie I said hello. Man Bobby, you racked 'em and stacked 'em in this column. You shoulda' saved some for later, but I just bet more fodder will come your way. Somewhere out there are many more who should be a'wearin tin foil hats so's the rest of us can see 'um coming. Speaking of land bridges I have one for sale if'n you're interested. It's got 8 lanes but none of 'em go anywhere.
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BL: Column fodder is very perishable. 48 hour expiration dates. Always another load coming in....
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1/18/2013 1:49:25 PM

PrincessFairmont
One of your best!!!! Your line……..“we never had these problems before Tim Tebow came into the NFL”……brilliant!!!! And, I admit, it did cross my mind, ever so briefly………that he might be covering his being gay.
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BL: Column fodder falls like manna from heaven these days. :-)
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1/17/2013 9:14:20 PM

fayettewuf
The thing about this Sport Parallel Universe is that these sensational stories that capture everyone's attention only last about a week. My impression is that Blondie's take was on the money. But even if they are found to be true, people will forget Manti's hoax in no time at all.
Ray Lewis sentimentally retired with few remembering the sensational murder charges and the unanswered questions in the case.
The thing that I like about the internet is that when I was thinking about hoaxes, I had a faint memory of a hoax that I read about years ago perpetrated by a couple of sportswriters involving a running story of a team lead by a chinese back who ate rice at half-time. Before the internet, I would never have found that story again. Googled once and there it was. The sportwriters invented an undefeated team and sent in stories each week of Plainfield Teachers College and John Chung who averaged 7.9 yards per carry. The stories captured the nation's interest for most of the season. This happened in 1941. The more things change...
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BL: There have always been loonies with minimal contact w/ reality. But the Internet has been the land bridge that allowed these gooniebirds to infiltrate the real world.
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1/17/2013 3:56:20 PM

NCSU88
I am sure there is a sex tape involved as well.
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BL: Using a hologram no doubt.
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1/17/2013 1:49:36 PM

Monroe
I must admit, I love it when we are full of our self! Good stuff in this one... it appears the Emperor, no matter his name, still has no clothes!
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BL: Bad day to be a leprechaun. :-)
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1/17/2013 1:05:14 PM

BC in PV
MASTERFUL! I was waiting on this. I told Ann last night, “wait until BobLee writes about this”!
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BL: The Good Lord always provides for bunnies, kittens and Internet smart alecks.... not necessarily in that order.
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1/17/2013 1:03:12 PM

NCSU68Grad
I admit that occassionly last night, I would glance at the crawler and kept seeing the Te'O banner. Reports on the net are differing (stop the presses!). ESPN has a story with quotes from Te'O's parents about them "meeting in person" and some other yahoo, who's name I can not pronounce, much less spell says that he was the pert that did the dirty and that that Te'O was involved.

SO, did Te'O want to increase his recognition? If Coach Davis had known about this (assuming it has some merit), he would have been a perfect recruit.

One comment....thanks for the info on the SF QB. I had seen all the pictures and the headlines, but since I am not into tattoo artistry, I did not click on them. If I understand your story or comments, he is basically a "Teebo with Tattoos". I am NOT a major NFL fan, but do follow it. It seems to me that the owners, GM's and coaches are now WAY overpaid. You could write a Harvard Business Review article on how to BOTCH a trade. Teebo, if I understand it, was pretty successful at Denver. They did not win as many as folks wanted and Peyton Manning was a BIG $$ investment....probably more so as the future GM than at the QB position.

The Jets....I can only remember one QB for them....some fellow that looked like Jimmy V. I thought that Tittle played for them, but he was a Giants QB. I personally hope that Teebo is traded and finds a team that will give him a shot and has a decent OL. Then, we will see....
But HEY, I don't have billions or make millions and they quit calling me for advice after I wanted to charge them.
BTW, even though the sun was not visible, it appears that the Earth's orbit is still intact. There have been 3, maybe 4 upsets these week. The Badgers snuck us and ambushed IN. Others in the middle of the ratings lost.

Duke will be tough at Cameron. Other teams will be gunning for Duke, State and MD....and maybe Miami. History, as you know....is tough to bet against...
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BL: Al of Life has dissolved into a Gilbert & Sullivan Operaetta.
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1/17/2013 12:13:13 PM

rowdybluetarheeler
this prank deserves a specil place in the kollige futbol hall of fame[shame]... whoda thunk this kid would become more famous for his girlfriend than the 'Bama qb's?
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BL: By far "THE most famous Polynesian LB w/ an imaginary girlfriend" EVER>
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1/17/2013 11:45:40 AM

wolfbuff
Best tweet I saw last night: "BREAKING: Julius Peppers confirms he took a class with Manti Te'o's girlfriend at UNC"

Now that right there's funny; I don't care who ya are!
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BL: Uncle Juius gave her an A.
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1/17/2013 11:28:36 AM

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