Hey Rosa! Where's My HazMat Suit?


March 28,'14:  I told you earlier this week how tired I am of shoveling the sludge from The Great Unpleasantness, but I do what I gotta do.   So I get back from my wonderful weekend sojourn into “yesteryear” when the worst story on sports was “Does Gaylord Perry throw a spitball?” and here comes more yuck spewing out of Chapel Hill.

There are little kids in kindergarten who have never known a world when The Old Well was not ringed with yellow Crime Scene tape.  Holy Rosa Parks, Mr Friday!

Rosa Parks was certainly a major hero of the Civil Rights movement and, as such, quite lauded in and around Ye Olde UNC-CH campus.   After yesterday, will the mention of “Rosa Parks” mean quite the same to the hearty little band of Really Tru Blues.  Those blind loyalists who are doggedly clinging to the tattered shreads of their core beliefs that their Alma Mater was indeed a noble “mater”..... and not “a skanky gal of marginal virtue”.

A “mater’s” gotta do what a “mater’s” gotta do to keep fresh jerseys in those rafters and what all.  Who are we to judge what desperate acts are required in desperate times?

In the Torture bizness, I understand it is critical that your torturee not lose consciousness or enter a coma.   Once that happens, it doesn’t matter how many fingernails you pull out or how much waterboarding you do.   Your subject won’t feel it and be able to spill the beans or fess up or whatever.   

The trick is to take him/her right to that edge where Max Pain is being felt.   We may be crossing that line with this ooey gooey mess.  

Hellfire, I know Tru Blues who tuned this out waaaay back with the parking ticket revelations.   They ain’t heard about Julius or Fats or MaryTheWhistleblower or..... or..... or.....   I’m not sure they even know that Dickie went out in a blaze o’ glory with a wheelbarrow fulla plaques.

They still think Rosa Parks simply sat on a bus and was not the subject of THE most viewed UNC short-term paper in freakin’ HISTORY.  Hey, it wasn't a very short term paper.  It was a very long tweet.  OUCH.

There was a story last month about ESPN (and UNC’s) Stuart Scott’s courageous battle against cancer.   He refuses to allow his doctors to give him any negative news about his prognosis.   He fills his days with vigorous exercise and positive time with his children and close friends.  Not a bad way to deal with a grim reality.....   I bet you know more than a few Tru Blues who are adopting Stuart’s plan relative to the grim reality of Tar Heel Athletics.

Speaking of ESPN, did you know that the 2nd largest congregation of UNC alums outside of Orange County..... is Bristol CT?   

I don’t have any idea that is true; but I DO enjoy pissin’ off ABCers.   They always fall for conspiracy crap like that.

You know how to tell a long-time UNC fan?   He/she can remember when “Carolina was mentioned in (name a prominent magazine)” was a proud occasion.

Now when those afore-mentioned Carolina kindergarteners hear that, they Stop,Drop & Roll.... and yell “INCOMING” !!

Sports Illustrated used to hire more UNC grads than The N&O. ...... (OK, thats not true either but it also really pisses off ABCers.).  Now no good little Tar Heel will touch an SI.  Of course SI prints even fewer hard copies than The N&O.

The numbers of Tru Blues cancelling HBO with their cable supplier after Gumbel’s latest hatchet job is 400X larger than Ol’ Roy’s ObamaCare sign-ups.   Actually I think THAT is true.   We can’t find even ONE lemming that took ORW’s ill-advised and hare-brained advice.

I guess you’ans all know that a select group of UNC student-athletes appeared before the much-maligned UNC BOT on Thursday..... to tout the sheer wonderfulness of their UNC experience.  I haven’t checked, but I’m guessing reports of that show & tell got lots of play on various rival fan message boards.  Ya reckon.

To defend my pal BubbaThe RealAD Cunningham who I’m sure was involved in that..... allow me to use an analogy.

If SuperWuffFan Brer’ Kennel was assigned to gather some representative “show ponies” of "typical" Wuff student-athletes...... he would grab Russell Wilson, Todd Fuller and probably hisownself as “just your typical NC State student-athletes”.  He would likely NOT trot out Charles Shackleford, TA McLendon or CJ Leslie or.... or.... or....   Would you?

So Bubba and Charmin’Lil Carol didn’t spend too much time tracking down Julius Peppers, JR Reid, Greg Little or LT... or.... or.... or.....  Would You?

That would be DUMMMM!  Granted UNC admins have done a LOT of Duummm over the past five years.   Actually Dickie MIGHT have trotted out Julius and LT.  Remember, Dickie ordered up the pissed-off posse when he and Meezie canned Matt..

I’m sure the BOT were blown away by Ryan and Marcus and whatever whozit Field Hockey gal that is a Rhodes Scholar nominee.   I would not be surprised to learn one or more quite-impressed BOTer asked “how is this effecting recruiting?”   After all, there is historical precedent for such inanity.

There is a UNC precedent for pretty much any example of inanity you can imagine.

I have no clue when this toothache, headache, hemorrhoidic institutional trainwreck will end.  Maybe it will NEVER end.   Chapel Hill will be declared America’s Chernobyl ..... and ordered abandoned for 200 years.

AgentPierce says that sounds like a darn fine idea to him.   He would.  Especially if they stuck Gene Nichol’s head on a spike and put it on Hwy 54 to scare folks off.... figuretively speaking, of course.

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Posted: March 28, 2014 at 11:58 AM by SaidWHATMedia | with 10 comments
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Comments
rowdybluetarheeler
going back, back, way back...
who do you think wrote all of Choo Choo's papers?
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BL: Same gal that was writing Ace Parker's at Duke and Bill Dudley's at UVa.

Did NC State even have football in the late 40s ?? Didn't WuffPack FB begin with Roman Gabriel?
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3/31/2014 7:48:50 AM

NCSU68Grad
BL,
You KNOW that folks with facts will prevail....at least HERE.....other places, such as The Old Well....Seriously doubt it.
In answer to your rhetorical question to Ms. Parks....IT DON'T MATTER. You are NOT MOS qualified, to don a HazMat suit. Your facial stubble disqualifies you and you FLUNK the Respirator Test....as some of the Light Blue Student ATH>A-LEITS have done done.
Your picture is Probably a Level B suit...but maybe a Level A. 20+ years of dealing with Hazardous Chemicals and teaching Safety done made me correct even the WISEST amongst us.
THIS is Spooky....start typing HazMat in google and you will probably (at least my cookies did) get HazMat Chapel Hill. That is a Franklin Street Smoke Shop.
So, from you column, I would expect that Ms. Parks would pick out an outfit befitting Craig Sager so you could saunter into the HazMat shop and select the stogies of your choice. Rush likes a Macundo....don't know the ring size though.
Whether it will scare the jeckles or no, the head on a stake is a great idea. I understand that Red Reddington can supply a custom box for it. Your line....which I read right after catching up on The Black List of last Monday Night rang true.
Watching Tony trying to keep his #1...but Tommy is trying to take it away.
Only REAL good news for us Wuffie (not the BM kind) is that Bobby Lutz is staying and all the "tweeting" (Marvin, whereforth art thou whencest we need thee so...?) has done subsided about TJ. Is there a connection between Lutz's decision and the potential 3rd year of our POY? Certainly HOPE SO.
OPPS....as I look up....Tony is DOWN by 2 with 39.5 ticks to tock.
GREAT COLUMN....but there was not enough involvement by Ms. Dartmouth Folt....but maybe THAT was not YOUR fault.
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AP: LittleCarol is not in the habit of checking with me.... yet!
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3/29/2014 12:15:38 AM

Transplanted Tarheel
You said this was about to get a whole lot worse, honestly think a full purge may be in order. Effective immediately all athletic scholarships regardless of sport now void, hope you had that Morehead scholly. All seats in the Dean Dome and the stadium formerly amid the pines are now a buck, go play in division 3.

Actually the game changer is the Northwestern thing, that could blow the complete lid off everything, for everyone. I am sure that the majority of universities when they look at the bill that is coming will decide that it is no longer worth the trouble,. Especially if the players ever decide to strike, if the NFL can be ready to go with scabs so can the universities, though now it would be in the guise of the average student, Funny thing is though is that people might actually get into that as it would be rather refreshing to watch, not very pretty, but there would be a pluckyness to it and it would actually fit in real well with the reality show aesthetic of Obamaerica
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BL: The "paid employee" thingy will mean a major upheaval, but in the end, fans WILL have their Saturday entertainment in a recognizable format. It may even be a good thing for the schools in the end.
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3/28/2014 4:48:54 PM

BobnKC
One would think that with the law school and Criminology Department available, UNC would be more interested in facts and justice. Instead they keep going to the Drama Department for theater, which isn't even good theater because we all know the fictional plots and endings before the actors start.
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BL: Y'all all keep forgetting "they" are used to dealing with LIVs (Low Information Voters) and this level of bamboozlement works with that market. You know like "Obama never listened to Jeremiah Wright.... blah blah..."

58WK won't like me saying this... but BullyBarber builds his mini-mobs with these cornball vaudeville skits. It is a very effective MO.
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3/28/2014 3:45:36 PM

Yogi
" Especially if they stuck Gene Nichol’s head on a spike and put it on Hwy 54 to scare folks off." That would indeed be scary, not that I need another reason to be scared on Hwy 54, the fact that yellow brick road leads to liberal land makes me cringe every time I go near it. When I saw the abridged version of that term paper (it was abridged wasn't it?) my first thought was Bobby's gonna have fun with this one. I can understand Little Carol drumming up a dog and pony show, just never considered Bubba would join in. I thought he had a lot more smarts than that. Sound to me like a bush league Dickie move (or something Lee Foulup would have done ... he did talk about cougars you know). BTW, what has happened to Tami?
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BL: Bubba has bosses. Ya havta pick your battles in such perilous times.

It WAS a quite silly "whatever it was".

There have been no Tami Sightings in several years.... and Tami tended to get noticed whenever she was around. She left CHill faster than the Wear/Ware Twins.
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3/28/2014 3:32:23 PM

rivlax
Maybe I'm older, but the first name I always think of when the subject is UNC players of questionable scholarship abilities is Kelvin Bryant. So soon they forget.
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BL: Like Beatles & Bond Girls, everybody has their faves... but I never hear him mentioned in anyone's top five. Famous Amos' name does comes up from around that era.
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3/28/2014 3:07:08 PM

MaHa
Please tell me that BOT scene with the selects was a joke. Why on earth would they do something so totally phony.MAHA.
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BL: Gospel True MaHa. Theres a video of it and everything. They dressed the boys up like Dennis The Menace Goes To Church... hair combed, the whole shebang.

Look Maha.... once Roy lowered the bar to subterranean levels, all bets were off as to Whats Next.

I'm hearing it was a Dartmouth Carol whizbang idea.
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3/28/2014 2:19:21 PM

SmittyfromDurham
"worse story on sports was “Does Gaylord Perry..."? Did you mean worst or are your colors showing through, too?
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BL: My "colors"? I have "colors"? Who knew.
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3/28/2014 1:27:08 PM

WillieTheWuffie
Maybe "Is This Effecting Recruiting?" should be the new UNC billboard campaign?
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BL: Actually UNC's whizbang Marketing Consultants are recommending a version of:

"Our State.... of total confusion??"
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3/28/2014 12:58:47 PM

TD
STOP !!! DAMN BL I blew out my primary AND back-up keyboards on this one.

My eyes were watering before I even got to "it was a long tweet".
You're lethal, dude.
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BL: "He was Lethal" goes in my possible tombstone epitaphs.
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3/28/2014 12:40:27 PM

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