Rimshots: "A TEN On The Richter Scale!" and.....

Rimshots:  “A TEN On The Richter Scale”......

...... Sept 6, ’12:  THE ANNOUNCEMENT you never expected to hear here.  It’s HUGE! but you have to “Read More”....... In other Rimshots:  FOUR Triangle FBers in NFL starting lineup for NYG v Dallas...... An Observation about GNC..... “The Perfect Job”..... and Good Sports Week Two.......

Board Monkey Are Out ..... CliffClavins are In!

....... After ten+ years of a 24/7 war with Board Monkeys I have decided a change is in order.  OK, it’s only a matter of semantics, but it is a BFD regardless.

Henceforth those goggle-eyed goobers in those silly fan forum mosh pits shall be referred to here as CliffClavins.   

 
Yes, Cliff - the hapless nitwit mailman from Cheers.... who lived with his mother..... and saw himself as The Absolute Authority on Everything..... while everyone else saw him as Cliff The Perpetual Fool is now our Poster Boy for what have been “board monkeys”.

Cliff fits that other description of board monkeys: 45 y/o little league right-fielders.

I conducted several focus groups to gauge the name recognition for Cliff Clavin and found it remarkably strong.   Even Prince Albert thought he knew.   NOTE: Prince Albert has never seen Godfather, Caddyshack or Animal House so he is my go-to-guy for pop culture - “if Albert knows then everybody will know”.  FWIW:  Albert can name only one Kardashian.  Can you believe that?

Anyone who doesn’t recall goofy ol’ Cliff and his bloviating idiocy with NOOOORM probably doesn’t know about fan forums or anonymous comment boards either.  The conversion of board monkeys to CliffClavins is immediate but I will offer reminders for a few weeks.

As with board monkeys – CliffClavins are generic.  Clavins come in all ages and all team allegiances.  Ya seen/read one CliffClavin’s babbling angry rant ya seen/read’em all.  Red, Blue or polka-dotted..... a CliffClavin is a CliffClavin.

OF COURSE none of you who visit here would ever be CliffClavins.... NO NEVER. ...... (wink, wink, snicker, snicker)

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FOUR Triangle FBers start in NFL Game One
....... I knew two of’em – Hakeem Nicks (UNC) and Gerald Sensabaugh (UNC) but I was surprised at Bruce Carter (UNC) and Sean Locklear (NCSU).   All four were starters in Wednesday night’s NFL Game One NYG vs Dallas.   Sean Locklear is a Lumbee Indian. Who, other than Bob Kennel, knew that?  Out of 44 players, four from within 25 miles seems impressive to me.

I don’t know the respective #s for active UNC and NCSU alumni on NFL rosters but I’m sure both school’s #s are considerably higher than their rival CliffClavins would guess.  I am also sure that NCSU leads in starting QBs in the AFC West.

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GNC Store Managers
...... I visit a GNC store maybe 5-6 times/year for protein shakes and assorted supplements de jour that I’m hopeful will stave off my inevitable descent into codgerhood.   I am ALWAYS amazed at the extensive product knowledge that GNC staff have for their product inventory.

Really, you can pull any bottle off the shelf and ask what does this one do..... and why is it better than this other one.  And suppose I take “this one” under a full moon?   And they have an immediate answer.  Sure they could be making up answers and how would I know, but I don’t think so.   Kudos to Mr GNC for such great staff training.

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This Week on Good Sports
...... Our guest this week (1:00 PM Sat on 97.9) will be:


Topics will include:  Is Football Now Too Dangerous..... The NFL Concussion Discussion...... What the heck is a “high ankle sprain”?..... and Why Doesn’t TO’B ever smile?   

Art promises to continue to “be Art”.  I promise not to “be Art”.   

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The Perfect Job
...... I watch The History Channel and History Channel2 a lot.  I have decided that about the Best Job Ever would be to be a world-renown expert in some obscure historical period like The 2nd Punic Wars or Stonewall Jackson’s Early Years or How Cro-Magnon Man Learned To Whistle.  

Be a tenured professor in one’s obscure niche at a quaint campus like Davidson or Suwanee or William Woods where you are a campus legend because everyone loves your passion for your obscure little niche.   

You, and your Hallmark card family, live a coupla blocks off campus in a charming “Victorian” and walk to your office and classroom each day wearing a tweed jacket with patches on the sleeves and pretending to smoke a pipe (but not really).  All the students love you because you are soooo cool and you make learning fun.  Other faculty members resent your popularity and incredible coolness but you don’t care.

You are so cool you don't hang out withy the nutjob squirrels on the faculty, but instead play pinochle with the local Volunteer Firemen and everyone at Waffle House knows your name.

As a renown expert you always get calls to guest lecture at other obscure colleges around the world especially all of them in Switzerland and Portugal.  You write a book on your niche every two years and its always a best-seller.   Oprah keeps wanting to have you as a guest on her show but you are so cool you tell her to “go suck an egg”.

Yes..... pretty much the Perfect Job, I think.