Rimshots

 
 
 R i m s h o t s 
Rimshot – A Vaudeville term for a drum sound accentuating a joke’s punchline.
 
These Rimshots are snappy snarky zingers from BobLee (and AgentP's) commentaries.   Some are originals appearing only here.   You can steal’em or, preferably, credit BL or AP when you pass them on.
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AP: How nsive are CHillers:  The average Franklin Streeter has less contact with the rest of the world than a agrophobic Sasquatch.
 
BL: UNC Fans re: PJ: "Why was he in Durham? Why would anyone in Chapel Hill EVER go to Durham?"  
REALLY!  It's a great question.
 
AP on Frau Yow:  Some women collect sno-globes or porcelin swans.  Frau Yow collects detached testicles from vanquished adversaries?

AP on Intellectuals: "Intellectual" is the consolation prize Nature gave academics in lieu of common sense and/or shoulders.
 
BL on hiring Carol Folt: “When she stood beside Eric Montross it was the most bizarre sight I’ve seen since a donkey show in Tijuana in 1986....”
 
BL on "it coulda been worse": it coulda been worse if Karl Rove had come on with three minutes to go with statistics to show if Carolina hit twelve consecutive threes they might force overtime.
 
AP re: Gene, Jim & Dix Hill: Gene Nichol and Jim Goodmon and Dix Hill - an institution for incarcerating the severely mentally deranged..... sometimes my job is just way too easy.
 
BL on MSG overkill: Burying Princess Di didn’t elicit as much weepin’ and moanin’ as “the last Real Big East Tournament in The World’s Greatest Sports Arena”.
 
AP on Duke Bkb "Whiteness": Do Duke critics think Coach K uses a PMS wheel to measure a recruit’s epidermal suitability?  Like a Cary HOA inspector approving mailbox colors ???
 
BL on Al Sharpton & Duke Lacrosee:  Al became a celebrity in the race-baiter Hall of Fame.  Ain’t it amazing how “community organizers” with a sycophant media can make it big in America!
 
BL on target markets: Five minutes of Grammys or the Oscars and a quick perusal of supermarket tabloids convince me that I am no one’s target entertainment audience.  Was I ever?
 
BL: Going to Hell if.... :  he, supposedly, ditched the concept of Jesus as God’s Son and substituted a Lesbian abortion activist named Madam Firefly.
 
AP on VCoITYS: The signed “I Told You So” form becomes part of the official public record and NOT protected by HIPPA, FIPPA or Duchess Kate's sister PIPPA.

The signed “I Told You So” form becomes part of the official public record AND NOT protected by HIPPA, FIPPA or Duchess Kate's sister PIPPA. - See more at: http://boblee.agilesite3.com/Blogs/BobLee-Says/March-2013/AP-Vice-Chancellor-of-I-Told-You-So.aspx#sthash.ZlQL3r3n.dpuf
AP on UNC classroom inspections: And who/what are “they” looking for?   That African guy and his co-hort?... Jennifer The Tutor ?.... one of Butch’s Super Bowl rings ? ..... Roy’s glasses ? ..... Dumplin’s brain ?

And who/what are “they” looking for?   That African guy and his co-hort?... Jennifer The Tutor ?.... one of Butch’s Super Bowl rings ? ..... Roy’s glasses ? ..... Dumplin’s brain ? - See more at: http://boblee.agilesite3.com/Blogs/BobLee-Says/February-2013/AP-Meanwhile-on-The-Flagship-of-Mis-Fit-Toys.aspx#sthash.R4aqw4y6.dpuf
And who/what are “they” looking for?   That African guy and his co-hort?... Jennifer The Tutor ?.... one of Butch’s Super Bowl rings ? ..... Roy’s glasses ? ..... Dumplin’s brain ? - See more at: http://boblee.agilesite3.com/Blogs/BobLee-Says/February-2013/AP-Meanwhile-on-The-Flagship-of-Mis-Fit-Toys.aspx#sthash.R4aqw4y6.dpuf
AP on sca-reee feelings: I say there's not a lot of difference between the parties rank/file.   Then I walk down Franklin Street in Chapel Hill and get that “checking-in to The Bates Motel”  feeling.  Sca-reeeee.
 
BL's #1 NASCAR moment:  Mr Smith, I’m Bart Connor The Gymnast.  This is my wife Nadia Comanechi.”   Bruton Smith looks at Jerry Jones.  Jerry looks at Bruton.  Bruton and Jerry both look at me with WTF expressions.  I'm the ony one in our 10' universe who has a clue.....

AP on Liberals and eating a dog:  A liberal pitching his wacky belief system at me is like a Viet Namese waiter suggesting I try the filet of cocker spaniel.  No thank you.
 
AP: On Jim Goodmon:  WRAL owner Jim Goodmon openly and arrogantly trumpets his abject hatred for Conservatives.  So tell me again why you patronize his businesses?  Just curious.
 
BL on "wacky professors":  “OK, that’s TOO wacky so your wacky scrawny tenured ass is fired.  Here’s a box.  Clean out your desk and get the hell off my campus.
 
BL on Chancellors vs Coaches: "..... it’ll be me all over you with a can of whup-ass.  Any part of that you don’t understand, coach?  ..... I expect you to “win” a lot more than you “lose” but you are NOT the straw that stirs the drink on this campus.  I am. You better not ever forget that.”
 
AP on state gov hirings:  Twenty-five years of good ol’ boy patronage and “diversity is all that matters” hiring practices can wreck a one-car funeral much less a state bureaucracy.  When skin-color trumps professional competency – “North Carolina, we gotta problem!”
 
BL on his friendship w/ Holden Thorp:  I’m a smart alecky right-wing fanatic hard-wired to be anti-academic.  He is the quintessential academic uber-liberal nerd who is not sure if a football is stuffed or blown-up.  But there was a bridge somewhere in there that remains today.
 
BL on the legitimacy“ of AfAm: A real class in AfAmStudies”?  Is that like “a real unicorn” or “a real Sasquatch” or “Joe Biden is really VPOTUS”?
 
BL on The Evolution of Coll BkB: the only similarities between the college basketball sandbox when Dean Smith flourished (mid 60s – mid 90s) and the current one that Roy Williams marinates in are (1) the ball is round and (2) Dick Vitale.

AP on Pope To Resign:  Global Headline - Pope To Resign ..... NCDems DECLARE VICTORY - "We ran that eeeevil sumbitch off.... yeah us!" ... Ooops, wrong Pope..... Benedict not Art.

AP on Barber & Krispy Kreme:  Krispy Kreme and Bill Barber had simultaneous "rallies" in downtown Raleigh.  Am I the only one to enjoy the hilarious irony of that combo?
 
BL on Frau & her crazies: During SaintDebbieYow's extended tour at College Park, “Maryland fans” gained the ignominious distinction as “worse than The CamCrazies”.   Saint Debbie with all her magical powers could not control her own hellions over a decade of recorded HORRIBLE behavior. If Saint Frau can’t control a student section, what hope is there for non-deified ADs?
 
BL on Duke Crazies v State:  How will “Grandmother-gate” be resolved?  Hopefully Duke will NOT ask Jim Martin to study the game tapes.  I think we ALL agree that won’t help at all.

AP on Madame Butterfield:  Bill Barber immediately signed her up to perform at his next Fayetteville Street Race Rally & Fish Fry.
 
AP on Duke fratboys: NO ONE does abject bigotry better than Limo Liberals and their spawn. 
No body!

BL on N&O Caulton Tudor:  N&O Editor John Drescher calls retiring (BL Buddy) Caulton Tudor “......the backbone of The N&O”.  John, ol pal, your paper lost its "backbone" a loooong time ago along with its journalistic integrity.

AP on AfAms and their media:  I “get” that the media holds AfAm elected officials to considerably lower standards than non-AfAm elected officials.  I don’t get WHY the media does so. But they do.

BL on Super Bowl StarSpangBanner: "It took Alicia Keyes longer to sing the SSB than it took Francis Scott Key to write the darn thing.

AP on HHS' Dr Aldona Wos:  So..... Dr Wos inspected her newly assigned dept recently.  She quickly saw that both “Health” and “Human” were “in name only”.  She did what Real Leaders do - Fix the Freakin' Problem!..... and Lib/Democ knees immediately jerked!
 
BobLee on "recruiting":  The only difference between "recruiting" and Tiny Tot beauty pageants is the 3 y/o baby divas can read better.

AP on UNC faculty loonies:  If your immediate reaction is “these sumbitches are nutz” then you’ve pretty well grasped the situation.   Actually these sumbitches are “tenured nutz” .

BL on Beyonce-mania:  We’ve sure come a long way from Kate Smith singing God Bless America.  Kate's thighs may have been as large as Beyonce's but likely not as "toned". Did Kate ever wear a leather bustier and boots?

BL on Wuff-paranoia:  Some one needs to tell Jim Harbaugh that “crooked refs” only work NC State games.  I thought everyone knew that.

AP on critics of Bill Barber:  ..... snide jibes about Bill Barber’s radical appearance are grossly unfair to all the other people who weigh 500 lbs and dress all in black who are not grandstanding race-hustlers.

AP on UNC-CH lib-mafia:  There ARE a few NON-muddleheads among the UNC Brd of Trustees.  I know that for a fact.  No, I can't reveal them.  They would get their campus parking stickers revoked if I did.
 
BL on Wuff-loonies:  A full-throated Wuff-loonie said “NCState is superior to UNC-CH because – Gen. Hugh Shelton is a better human being than Rick Dees" ???  ..... but was Charles (Amphibious) Shackleford “superior” to Pres James K Polk ???

BL on Danica: “Pretty” always makes a difference when women are involved.  I don’t make the rules.  Neither do unattractive women apparently.  If Danica was “Eunice” and looked like a Waffle House waitress at 3 AM, everything she does would not be “NEWS”.  She isn’t so it is.

AP on "Economic Impact":  When making up “economic impact” projections; the primary rules are (1) always make it an odd number not divisible by five and (2) make it A LOT.   If people giggle – make the bogus projection even higher.

AP on The Fall of The N&O: The visual of Rob "RielleWho" Christensen and Barry “The Colonel” Saunders wearing speedos while flagging down passing cars with a cardboard poster - Car Wash $1.00 - Help Save The N&O”

AP on Harry Belafonte:  “Hell, He’s Nutz” you say.  Yep, crazy as an outhouse mouse.  “STOP HIM” you might say.  Nope; you really don’t wanna do that. ......

BL on being the only boy:  I’m the only “boy” at my house.  Kid is not a Title lX kinda girl.  Mention “Twins” to her and she thinks Mary Kate & Ashley; not Harmon Killebrew and Bob Allison.


More Rimshots will be pulled from the over 1,600 Archives.  Keep checking.....
 

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