A Glossary of BL & AP's Cast of Characters
BobLee and AgentPierce have accumulated quite a cast o’ characters in 14+ years & 1,500 incredibly insightful columns. Many of the "who da heck is dat" category.
The Buddies & Babes who have been with us for a while know all these nicknames and nitwits very well. But Newbees don’t have a clue. Here they are. In no particular order......
Little Johnny Swofford –
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
The arch-enemy of WuffWorld and also Commish of The ACC. LJS spends his every waking moment plotting evil against the innocent inhabitants of The Brickyard. Assumed by most Wuffs to be Satan’s spawn.
Jennifer The Tutor –
The mythical linchpin of The Great Unpleasantness. Fewer actual sightings of “Jennifer” than of Sasquatch and Loch Ness. Rumored to be "in exile" with Deborah Crowder and Amelia Earhart.
UNC’s first “real AD” since The Bush One Administration. Also the first UNC Senior Official to NOT take himself “so doggone seriously”. Quite a “fine fellow”. Probably better than UNC deserves quite frankly.
Citizen Goodmon –
“The Triangle’s George Soros”. Jimbo was once a well-respected “city father” who got p-whipped by wife Barbara into a raging limo liberal lunatic. Will probably rot in hell for eternity.
Hokie Jim -
BobLee's inside-buddy in BeamerLand. As hated by HokieLoons as BobLee is by HeelLoonies. Hokie Jim and his Clubhouse Tailgaters always welcome BobLee when their paths cross..... "mighty fine bunch of folks".
John Drescher –
N&O Editor and only guy on the planet who can say “The N&O is totally non-partisan. Our News & Op-Ed Depts totally separate.....”
Phineas Teague –
along with BubbaTheRealAD and THERonWellman, Norwood “Phineus” Teague is among the Greatest Collegiate Athletic Directors of The New Millenium. He is AD at University of Minnesota....
The Moricles –
BobLee’s super gracious hosts each Fall high atop BB&T Field in Camel City. Zeno & The Moricles are VERY fine folks.
Blondie & Kid -
The two primary reasons that "BobLee" is "BobLee". "I'm not having those crazy Internet people showing up at my front door."
..... and "Dad, my social life will be ruined if anyone finds out who you are."
Bless their hearts.
Prince Tassel Loafer –
official name is That Damn Dickie Baddour. Greatest accomplishment in 15 years as UNC AD was knowing the second verse of Hark The Sound. Managed to turn “The Carolina Way” into a punch-line for incompetent executive oversight. He meant well.
Ol’ Roy / ORW / Huckleberry –
Hall Of Fame BB Coach with a delightful penchant for saying incredibly silly stuff. “Two Ring Roy” is a piecea work. Once said “I’m staying” and an entire UNC fan base had a case o’ the vapors.
The original name for this website a very long time ago. Followed by SwaggerSays.
The First AgentPierce -
A secret service agent assigned to President Logan in "24". He helped Jack Bauer take down the eeevil Logan and save Western Civilization.
aka CNR. Held ladder while Dr Naismith hung the first peach basket in Springfield Y.... has been right-hand man to more Hall Of Fame coaches than UNC has banners in their rafters. A very very very very special friend of BobLee's.
Marvin The Tweeter -
A butterfly spreads its wings and a hurricane hits the Caribbean. Young Marvin tweets and a once proud university is forever stained. For wont of a nail.... a shoe was lost....... sigh.
The Real Bob Kennel –
The World’s #1 NC State Fan! Personal confidante to every prominent Democrat since Andrew Jackson. Personally laid every brick in The Brickyard. Who Jimmy V was running away from
in Albuquerque in '83.
Jim Knight –
FB Referee who died and was resurrected in Kenan Stadium. Came back to (1) stop TA at the one and (2) destroy Chuckle’s Head Coaching career at NC State.
Uncle Julius –
The most infamous AfAm Flim Flammer since Chicken George in Roots. “Flew the coop” rather than ‘fess up to his crimes. A truly disgusting individual in every respect.
Frau Yow –
Either The Greatest or Worst Athletic Director EVER depending on who you ask. With Prince Tassel Loafer even Gary Williams can’t put Frau at the bottom. Frau currently runs NC State Athletics with a whip, a chair and a castration knife.
Dr 2 Ts –
“Renown orthopedic surgeon” and darn fine soda jerk for Baby Boomers For Jesus. First person to actually ask the question – “Who ARE those people?” when he visited a Carolina monkey board in 2002.
aka "Mr Phelps". Longtime #1 "graphics guy" for TeamBobLee. Has created AWESOME images of most of the Who Dats over the years. Shares BL and AP "right-leaning" propensity.
award-winning newshound (??) and fop columnist for The News & Observer. Journo Fraud who was embedded in the Edwards' campaign but never knew Johnny was banging Reille !?!.... Purported to "not like AgentPierce very much".
“amid Kenan’s Lofty Pines” –
Reputed to be “THE prettiest football stadium on Earth... or at least in Orange County.” Probably where Andy Griffith drank his Big Orange and watched’em kick that pumpkin around.
The Marine who was sorta kinda beloved by Wuffs until one day he wasn’t any more. Seemed like a really solid citizen.... ergo not “edgy” enuff for Wuffian tastes.
Offensive Coordinator –
God's gift for a struggling Head Coach to get an extra year by firing. Along with “the refs”, the Commissioner, ESPN, and the NCAA, Offensive Coordinators are why “your team” does not ever get to a BCS game.
Silk-Stocking Lawyer –
BobLee’s very special super secret pal.
“Micki The Madam” –
Coach K’s wife and subject of BobLee’s alltime greatest Internet Hoax..... BL claimed she was running a whorehouse outta the tennis shop at Hope Valley Country Club. 98% of InsideCarolina loons still believe that one.
THE most incompetent excuse for a Governor before or since Reconstruction. Only purported, but unsubstantiated skill, involves Rice Krispy Treats. Set “wimmen in politics” back 50 years.
The Great Unpleasantness –
The Darkest Era in UNC-CH history created by unmitigated arrogance, pompous fat cats, way too much kool-aid drinking and a dunderheaded AD. The cloud of this disaster will hover over The Old Well for twenty years or The Rapture whichever comes first.
Prince Albert –
One of two most famous UNC Christians who organized Baby Boomers For Jesus and negotiated sweetheart deal with Domino’s pizza. Has never seen Godfather, Animal House or Caddyshack.... NOT the guy you want as partner in Trivial Pursuits but “a true friend and all-around special fella”. Only received four letters during entire college career.
UNC Fat Cat and BOT Chair that ramrodded hiring of Butch Davis with zero due diligence. Thought he could escape blame but underestimated the awesome power of BobLeeSays. Became a silver-spoon punchline for UNC “Carolina Way” arrogance. Butch was fired THE MINUTE BOTBob's left the UNC BOT..... NOT a coincidence.
F-Bomb Alley –
A BobLee “Classic”. During Era of Chuck this was the “Kill Zone” of the Carter-Finley parking lot. A maximum security holding area for the truly deranged of NC State’s lunatic fringe.
Humility 101 –
The non-course that was really responsible for The Great Unpleasantness. Not Swahili. Has never been taught at UNC and likely never will be.
Fabulous Comparato Twins –
Nicole & Paige - darling mascot-ettes of The Choo Choo Lounge. This dynamic duo are personally responsible for what little amount of common sense happens at UNC-CH. OK, them and Bubba.
Reverend Billy B –
500 pounds of really angry black man who intimidates the bejeebers out of The N&O while organizing greatly over-hyped street rallies. Paid well to stir up trouble and call white people names. Pretty much a humongous fraud.
Larry The SEAL –
Steely-eyed successor to The Pale Rider. First UNC FB coach to ever live in Hattiesburg MS. As with all FB coaches..... he will be much-loved until he isn’t any more... or until he vamooses.
BobLee’s “straight man” partner with The Good Sports pre-game show on WCHL FM. Only correct prediction EVER was “correct score of 2012 UNC-State game”. Thinks he ran off Butch Davis but really it was all BobLee’s doings.
Dave Who From Where –
Latest heir to the Deliver Us To BCS Glory role at The Carter @ The Fairgrounds. Came from “one of those I states”. Will be much beloved by Wuffs until one day he won’t be any more.
Crandall Bowles’ boy-toy and Clinton-Obama credibility shield. Very smart guy who picks very marginal associates. Introduced BobLee to Holden Thorp.
Choo Choo Lounge –
Where BobLee holds court at UNC Football games in Kenan Stadium. Has three big TVs but no restroom. Entry restricted to Former Football Lettermen or “pretty girls”..... no exceptions
Gene Nichol –
The wild-eyed screaming personification of every unfavorable stereotype of a UNC-CH faculty squirrel. Was fired as Prez at William & Mary for crimes against nature and common sense.... and immediately re-hired at UNC Law. Gives goggle-eyed lunatics a bad rep.
JohnnyReb Frank –
Goal in life is to drink RobReilleWho’s bathwater. #2 goal in life is to stay employed “just one more week”. Will chew off his own arm if his N&O editor tells him too. Purported to "not like AgentPierce very much".
Uncle Jed Fowler -
Latest in long line of disemboweled NC State ADs. Tried to battle the Internet lynch mob and was handed his head in a paper sack. Now a consultant to other about to be disemboweled ADs.
The Three UNC Fat Cats who wanted bragging rights soooo bad they trainwrecked UNC’s reputation in their vain attempt to “win at all costs”. Cowards who shoulda been tarred & feathered and run down Franklin Street on a rail..... but weren’t.
See Brickyard Bunch.... over-all a fine bunch of regular folks, but tend to be typecast by their lunatic fringe.... as do most fan bases. They raise their young to hate John Swofford and the word "rafters".
Burly Blue-bleeder -
UNC Prodigal son who had plenty of "want to" but ran afoul of backstabbing fat cats, spineless AD, and disloyal staff.... otherwise no problem. Another "good guy" who deserved a better fate.... but Life doesn't always work that way.
AgentPierce’s favorite foil in the N&O comment swamp. Can’t say “Howdy-do” without sticking “da Klan” in there somewhere. The self-proclaimed Mayor of Southeast Raleigh.
Holden “Harry Potter” Thorp -
First Chancellor that BobLee ever called "my friend". Was blindsided by a dunderheaded AD and a FB coach with a really bad memory. Got caught in perfect storm of multi-crises. Deserved better but thats not how Life works.
“Moses” Gottfried –
The latest maybe-messiah to try and restore by-gone glory to NCState Basketball. Took the job after Rick Barnes, Sean Miller, and who knows who else turned it down. Still on “honeymoon” with WuffLunaticFringe... that will end sooner than he thinks. Honeymoons always do.
Lunatic Fringe -
Generic term for the most insane goggle-eyed goobers in any fan base. Quite pitiful dregs of humanity with few if any redeeming qualities. See also "Board monkeys". They live (?) on Internet fan sites and hate ADs, Coaches, Refs, Commissioners, Announcers, Analysts, Sportswriters, ESPN Anchors, BobLee.... and, most of, all their own wretched existence.
Barry “The Colonel” Sanders –
Long time resident race-baiting N&O columnist. Lives off of Fred Sanford quotes and “being a cool urban black dude”. Really hates “white guys” in North Raleigh and Cary. Will be the last dude ever fired at the N&O because...... well you know why.
The first male Governor of North Carolina since 2008 and first one from Charlotte EVER. Hated and despised by N&O and WRAL because.... well, you know why.
"Little Ricky" and BobLee go waaaaay back to when Little Ricky WAS "Little Ricky" 185 lbs of linebacking fury for Dooley's first bowl team. LRP is a valued member of the Choo Choo Lounge Executive Council.
#23 From Garden City -
Don McCauley..... UNC's #1 Football Legend not named Choo Choo. Do all UNC superstars wear #23?
“Goal Line” Boma
r - Made a courageous goal line tackle to seal UNC W over State in Charlotte and earn instant legend status.
Dr Danny -
The OTHER most famous UNC Christian. He "was also a dentist". His stellar defense in 3rd OT in '57 beat Wilt and KU forever changing college basketball.
Mayor Matt -
Does BobLee know EVERY major Athletic official in the NCAA? No, it just seems like he does. Matt was first ever Mayor of Tar Heel Town then honcho with Sooner Club at OU.... now #2 AD at SMU. Destined for further greatness.
The Pale Rider -
UNC's first $2,500,000 FB coach and first to ever hire "Black Santa" and first to NEVER beat State. Bamboozled the BOT3 for a sweetheart deal then had absolutely no clue of what happened for the next five years. Now paid $500,000 by UNC to "consult" for Tampa Bay Bucs.
“The Rafters” –
High above the floor of Dean's Dome where UNC BkB legends jerseys are on display. Target Numero Uno for any missle attack from The Brickyard.
“The Brickyard Bunch”
– see WuffWorld
Board Monkeys -
Most often used derogatory term for Lunatic Fringe. Sad creatures who live out sad lives hating pretty much every thing in their sad universe. "Board monkeys" are indigenous to every fan base in America. They cannot be extinguished only ignored. Have managed to give "dumber than dirt" a negative connotation.
UNC BOT gal from Memphis who had her priorities in line when Butch appeared to BOT re: Great Unpleasantness. Bab was concerned "is all this affecting recruiting?"
Synonym for The News & Observer (aka The N&O). Owned by McClatchy Corp in Sacramento CA. Hemorraghing red-ink by the gallons.... laying off staff each week.... and insulting half their market audience every day.
Who Dat is constantly updated.... keep checking in.