Stuff happens every day – good stuff and bad stuff.  “Stuff happening” is so commonplace we tend to ho-hum the news.  Saturday I was skimming a local news website and noted a headline about a “State Education Official".  Not sure why I was compelled to open the story. HEY, I know her!  The State Education Official was Kathy (Arnold) Taft – my hometown schoolmate and friend of 50+ years. …..

.....  Twenty years ago Eric Montross was not allowed to be a Playboy All-American.   UNC officials deemed it inappropriate to the image of college athletics.  Dean lobbied  against beer ads on ACC telecasts. …… now John Calipari is featured on Maker’s Mark bottles. Hypocrites and old fogeys notwithstanding, wherever “they” draw a line someone will cross it “just because”.

 ….. Today’s subject is suicide.  Like dressing up in a sardine suit to swim w/ Tilikum.   Buddies and babes who normally agree with me on everything are going to be bailing on this one.  It HAS to be said.  …..”Watching girls try to play basketball is as agonizingly painful as watching boys try to knit.”

....  Every UNC Cheerleader must be named “Eve”.  Q:  How do I know?  A:  None of them have belly buttons.  ….. Just one of the scrumptious buffet items that BobLee feasted upon from courtside ….. as, alas, the “Noles feasted on Roys Boyz.  Someone has said I could go to the city dump, shoot rats with a .22 and come away with a column about it.   Courtside at Dean’s Dome was far more hospitable and, as always ….. quite A HOOT!

Storms of Controversy Brewin’:  More madcap silliness from ESPN ….. weinie-throwing mascots …. School boards accept challenge from HOAs …… Roy2Schools chases history …..  AND A Historic TRI-Partisan Commission Meets “beneath the rafters”!

  What do you and I, the fetching Ms Decker and “Captain” Jack Sparrow all have in common?  Each of us has some sort of opinion about Tiger Woods.   What’s curious is not my opinion or yours, but that we ALL have one. It’s 2010.  How broad is your G.A.D. Zone?

  Carl WHO?  “Spackler” – the assistant greenskeeper at Bushwood Country Club (aka Bill Murray).  Carl is THE MAN when it comes to varmint control.  Over near Chapel Hill several categories of out-of-control “varmints” are aloose.  WARNING: This column has a high “YEE HAA” factor.

..... Huh, WHAT?:    BobLee on the occasion of Erskine's BREAKING NEWS career decision.  BobLee made four career blunders in his adult life.  Erskine seems hell-bent to catch and surpass him.  Is THIS what friends are for?

UNC's MAN For All Reasons:  Last week’s announcement that Erskine Bowles is retiring as UNC System President, set off the predictable brickbats and snarky jibes from his detractors.  As President & Sgt-at-Arms of Right Wing Fanatics For Erskine (RWFFE) I shall add my insightful comments to the mix. ….. The Erskine Era shows us much about ourselves and the often yucky realities of “these times”.

..... Just ONE week ago Peyton Manning was being acclaimed “the greatest QB ever”.   One errant pass later and he is being compared to Trent Dilfer and Mark Rypien.  ….. our frantic search for “heroes” to put on pedestals so we can knock’em off those same pedestals.  ….. and BobLee goes ballistic over people going ballistic over latest “Roy said WHAT!” non-story.

Nightmare on Franklin Street:  This column’s inevitability was preordained.  Watching the final minutes of Thursday’s UNC v VaTech game I wondered, “if we win should I delay this column”.  Will Graves’ desperation 3 dipped in and spun out.  A clear sign from the basketball gods – “BobLee, go ahead and write that dadgum column”.

HOME TOWN CONFIDENTIAL: Tyler Hansbrough and I both have one - a bona fide Home Town. With the corporate transiency in the 70s-80s, lots of you were not “born & raised” in a clearly defined place. Tyler and I were. Such an identity can be “risky business”. Local boy making Good = GOOD. Local Boy getting hit with 51 federal indictments = Not So Good.

.... I noted in that last column that Kid’s learning lamp has been ablaze recently.  What a wonderful wonderful experience that can be!  I hope you all know what it means and that yours burns bright too ….. OF COURSE it does.  You’re reading BobLeeSays !!!   Daddy decided to “do something about it” ….. uh oh.

…. Every parent does it.  Gaze at your cherubic new born.  Imagine he/she slurping that oyster called “Life”.  Will he/she be a doctor, lawyer, ninja assassin, butcher, baker, Biggest Loser winner, quarterback, nickel back?   Does ANY parent wish their child to be “an Intellectual”.  Would even an “intellectual” wish such a gloomy fate on an infant. 

….. It is cozily comforting to conclude that EVERY SINGLE event on the planet is a sinister chess move by a combo-cabal of Tri-Lateralists, Neo-Cons, Nit-Wits, Baptists, ACLU, John Swofford, Kris Jenner, George Soros, J.K. Rowling, Rotarians or Lee Fowler.  Mamma Kardashian causing the Indonesian tsunami IS a stretch but plausible until you consider Spontaneous Evolution aka “The Toto Factor”.  Terms you’ve never heard.  I just made them up. 

.... I saw a movie once about “the elephant graveyard” in Africa.  Some secret sacred place where old elephants went to die.  In 2008 it was called Congress, but I digress.  Is there such a place for old quarterbacks? ….. the eagerly anticipated YA Tittle column!   …… AND The Curse of Francis Scott Key!

.... I’ve lived thru assorted “disasters”.  Several alphabets worth of hurricanes, a tornado thru our backyard, a shotgun car jacking, that KU game in ‘08, .... a haircut in Connecticutt in ‘02.  Plenty of others via the insufferable Dan Rather in a trenchcoat and Geraldo in a safari jacket …. and always lots of human misery. .... and BobLee finds a cultural Rip Van Winkle.

….. You know me,  Forever searching for that obscure historical analogy.  Is Scott Brown the Paul Revere of The New Millenium? ….. or did the Nazi panzer divisions run out of gas just short of the fuel depot?  Choose either.  I feel a bit like Nick Saban never allowing himself to celebrate; rather always focusing on the next battle to be fought ….. the next battle to be won.

….. It’s one-armed paperhanging time here at BobLee Media Central.  Lord have mercy, I can’t keep up with the lunacy.  I haven’t given Harry Reid his due and now there's Lane Kiffin, Skip and even John Edwards (yawn!) stacked up like the 5PM arrivals at O’Hare.  What’s a smart ass to do with so much rich material?  ….. and BobLee has A NEW HERO!

….. I stumbled upon something recently that flumoxed me. Roadhouse is #1 on my classic movie list; but Casino is a contenda for Top 3 along with Green Berets. Guess what I have learned about Sam “Ace” Rothstein and his shady pals? It involves the darkest chapter in the history of ACC Basketball. Got your attention? ...... This column redefines Humdinger!

….. Country music fans lament “Hank Williams you wrote my life”.  For athletes it was Clair Bee who wrote the scripts.   In Bee’s classic “Chip Hilton” novels Chip, like Frank Merriwell, and his buddies ALWAYS won the big game in incredible nail-biting fashion for Coach Hank “The Rock” Rockwell.  Clair Bee was NOT in Pasadena Thursday night.

.... I received an e-mail picture today from a good buddy showing Obama committing a serious diplomatic faux pas …. Or was it? My friend’s final comment was “if it’s real”. Reminding me to remind you it’s 2010 and you can no longer trust “your lyin’ eyes”. ….. Every kid has pretend dreams of being “a sports hero”. Ben Hartman had them too. ….. and a plethora of other stuff.

Rush Is A-OK .... He was released from the Hawaiian hospital at 4:15 PM Friday.  Should be back at the Golden EIB Microphone on Wednesday ready to resume kickin’ butt & takin’ names.  No heart damage at all. ..... and Mike Leach stuff too.

…… Urban Meyer has few fans here.  Most of you dislike him because (1) he is not with your team of choice and (2) he wins A LOT.  Regardless, Urban is a classic victim in The Era of Instant Information.  And BobLee reveals his LLM Theory to help TSA be AOK ASAP.

..... Over the past six months your humble Internet Legend has “gone yard” on “I told you so’s” at a pace that even Josh Hamilton would envy.  Do I have more Deep Throats among my contacts than Tiger does in his speed dial?  Do I use a magic eight ball?  How do I do it..  And a bunch more stuff ….. And a God-lovin’ Baby Jesus Birthday reminder of the season.

…… Get me Lou Gehrig’s sound system. I, BobLee, “am the the luck luck iest man man on the the face of the earth”.  Reverberations aside, my Christmas came early thanks to Tiger and Roy.  Imaging writing “people do really dumb stuff” columns and have these two Naughty Nike Guys fall in your lap.  I mean REALLY. ….. and like an artichoke, the more you peel this stuff the foolishier it all gets.   ...... (We'll do a video later)

...... You know your goofy Uncle Max that insists on taking out his glass eye and setting it on the kitchen counter?  You know silly Aunt Rose that does her version of Meg Ryan's orgasm from When Harry Met Sally at every family get together?  Are your eccentric relatives in the Basketball Hall of Fame?  Ol' Roy2Rings is .....

….. It’s that time of year when over-caffeinated fans explode over football coaching moves. Every “sleeping giant” (burp) deserves Urban Meyer or at least Bill Bellichek “because”. Every AD MUST pay “whatever it takes” to snare the current guru de jour. Agents finagle with Headhunters as prima donna coaches “lie to dem boys” ….. and BobLee’s obligatory Tiger update.

Folks .... NO VIDEO can do justice to today's column.  JUST READ IT ! ......  EXCLUSIVE !!! BobLee reveals the secret to Mack Brown’s success at Texas.  It’s NOT the giant video board or Bevo or the Big Drum or Will Muschamp ….. and we discuss “The Inner Eldrick” ….. AND, speaking of Texas, Anson’s Flying Ponytails went down there and brought home #20 – The Blind Side shoots to #1.

….. No. I’m not gonna do a buncha Tiger one-liners. Tiger one-liners have reached the pandemically viral level. I’ve received 37 e-mails of Tiger w/ the beat up face. …. I'll do minimal Tiger stuff. ….. I’ll wrap-up “BobLee & Butch” and do a MUST SEE Movie Review.