and ….. and …. and

…. BobLee starts grabbing stuff from his stack of stuff.  A double handful of tidbits that have accumulated over the past month and by their obvious importance, or total lack of, merit a mention here.  This is one of those cornucopia columns that you all say you so enjoy …. And yes, we mourn for Joyce DeWitt.

I’ve always taken pride in my pretty extensive “general awareness” quotient.  I assumed I’ve heard of pretty much everything.  Now I may not care a hoot about a lot of what I know about but at least I’ve “heard of it”.  That assumption took a major hit last week with the death of Frank McCourt.

NOTE:  The latest Three Celebrity Death Pool includes Frank McCourt, Uncle Wally Cronkite & The Taco Bell chihuahua.  Don’t blame us folks, we don’t pick’em.  We just record’em.

I have never in my life heard of Frank McCourt.  I’ve heard of Frank Standard who played for Frank McGuire at South Carolina in the late 60s.  There is a character in The Rocky Horror Show named Frank Furter.  Frank Lloyd Wright was an influential architect.  Orville Wright ran a bicycle shop in Dayton Ohio with his brother Wilbur.  But who the heck was Frank McCourt?

Turns out Frank McCourt was a one-hit wonder as an author in the mid 90s.  He wrote a Pulitzer prize winning novel Angela’s Ashes (which I also never heard of).  Since Frank’s death numerous folks have expressed alarm that I’ve never heard of him.  Apparently it was a very fine book about abusive childhoods or some such compelling issue.  I have no doubt it was a fine book and Mr McCourt was a very fine fellow.

That there was no spectacular funeral for Mr McCourt at The Staples Center does not take away from his contribution to society.  My research over the past week reveal no instance of Frank McCourt ever setting his hair on fire doing a Pepsi commercial.  I’m pretty sure I would have heard of that.

I have this reoccurring nightmare I’m on Jeopardy and the Final Jeopardy answer is Frank McCourt and I’m that Sean Connery character on SNL Jeopardy and my “question” is “Who invented Kleenex?” …… and everyone laughs at me.

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Someone took peephole pictures of a naked Erin Andrews in her hotel room ….. and, of course, posted them on the Internet.  At last count 176,000,642 board monkeys have spent the equivalent of two centuries of monkey-hours trying to find that website.

Erin Andrews, of course, is the ultimate fantasy being cyber stalked by every Napoleon Dynamite board monkey.  She is America’s Most Famous Sideline Reporter.  She is (1) from Florida”, (2) tall, (3) has long hair and (4) two breasts …. And (5) knows something about sports.  What more could a board monkey fantasize about?  Why “nude pictures” of course.

Technology is a wonderful “thing”.  It has brought us Tang, Teflon, Velcro, Wi-Fi and now a camera capable of taking nude pictures of Erin Andrews thru her hotel door without her knowledge.

I have this vision of two geeks in a basement playing with camera components …… Geek #1 – “This mini-camera will be soooo cool.  Maybe it can help cure cancer or bring peace to the Middle East …. Or” .   Geek #2 – “…. Or take nude pictures of Erin Andrews …. and maybe even Danica Patrick?”.  Geek #1 – “Yeah, that too.”

“Some people” are blaming Erin Andrews saying she must have been “wanting someone to take the secret peephole pictures” otherwise why was she walking around nude in her hotel room.   If that makes sense to you, you probably think Michael Jackson was The AntiChrist.

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Meanwhile in another hotel out in Lake Tahoe …… some gal is now saying Ben Roethelberger did a Kobe Bryant on her a year ago.   She never told anyone for a year but since the sex lives of NFL QBs has been a hot topic lately, why not file a law suit now?

Being a VIP Concierge at a Casino is not a career ambition for young Amish girls.  Blatant promiscuity is not a requirement for the job but neither is ability to type or know who Frank McCourt was.

Fans of “Big Ben” claim the gal is obviously a gold-digging skank.  People who despise “Big Ben” because he doesn’t play for their team claim “Big Ben” is obviously another no-count philandering athlete.   An opportunistic media is quick to jump on this because Ben is white and it diverts attention away from the dead Steve McNair who was black.   Proving that QB philandering is not a racial thing is somehow important.  Unlike McNair, Ben does not have a wife and four sons for what that’s worth.

All things being equal, I suspect Big Ben wishes he had been with Erin Andrews.

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I’ve had a problem for several months.  The keypad on my Verizon cellphone was too small.  My fingers are not “pudgy” at all but I was mis-hitting keys too often to suit me.  I went to Verizon and explained that I wanted to trade up to a different phone.  I have been a Verizon customer for six years.  I was quite willing to extend my contract for “a deal” on a new phone with a larger keypad.   “They” told me I was not eligible for any “deal” until next March.

Both Missus and Kid have IPhones and love them.  I went to AT&T and “they” cut me a great deal on a new IPhone and with us all on a family plan we would save $100/month.  I now have a very cool IPhone and, even with buying out my Verizon contract, we save A LOT of $$$.  There’s a customer service lesson in there for Verizon.

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UNC-CH released the findings of its infamous Bain Report this week.  The Bain Report is an extensive third-party analysis of UNC administrative efficiency.  It was totally paid for by “an anonymous donor”.    (George Soros, Art Pope, Dean Smith,  Jim Heavner, Lailee McNair, Susan Ehringhaus, ????)

The study created all manner of anxiety among the faculty squirrels because (1) that “anonymous donor” thingy and (2) it was sure to reveal that an incredibly high % of the afore-mentioned squirrels are sooo much less necessary than they like to think they are.  How “necessary” is ANY faculty squirrel?

“Ten layers” is impressive in a chocolate cake but much less so in an organizational chart.  The Bain guys found more levels of bureaucratic redundancy at “the Flagship” than there are t-shirt shops on Franklin Street.

Academia, like “the military”, is simply not “like a real business”.  Its not suppose to be.  People who choose academia for a career do so because of that fact, as well as the usual altruistic reasons.  The “tenure” thing and getting to wear tweed jackets and oggle nubile coeds factor in too.

Armed with this proof of what was pretty much known, look for UNC’s “popular young Chancellor” to begin a rather extensive redundancy reduction in light of the current revenue shortfall.  We, of course, totally support Chancellor Thorp in his efforts to clean out the Augean Stables he inherited.  Beneath that genial “Doogie” exterior there is a butt-kicking “Jack Welch” itching to bust loose. Holden will encounter more than a few nasty creepy crawlies among those rabid squirrels.  If you get a chance, let Holden know you support him.

 NOTE:  Holden is trying to get me hooked on WUNC / PBS.  Yeah, RIGHT!  We watched a documentary about a Fiddlers Convention and some guy talking about hushpuppy recipes …. but I ain’t watching none of the commie pinko crap!

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Remember my comparison of Barack Obama  to “The Man Who Would Be King”.  WHOA, was I ever dead solid perfect on that analogy.  Run, don’t walk, to your video store and rent that movie.

Remember his self-righteous rebuke of Maureen Dowd’s reference to his “funny ears” ?  Imagine if the media treated him with the same “nothing is off-limits” voracity that The Palin Family has endured.

The mainstream media is still solidly carrying his water but that critical 10-15% of independent voters that put him over the top is definitely wavering.  Sure, the ACORN gang will never desert him but even that rampant voting scam is not enough.  Again …. get that movie and you’ll understand.

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Now to that Joyce DeWitt thing ….. you remember Joyce as Janet on Three’s Company.  She was “the other one” to Suzanne Somers.  The dizzy little brunette …. Whose career beyond Three’s Company was a series of L’eggs pantyhose commercials.  Welllll, the ensuing years have not been kind to Joyce.  She was apprehended recently for some bizarre traffic offense in LA ….. and she got mug-shot (uh oh!).   Joyce now joins Yasmine Bleeth and Nick Nolte in the scary mug-shot gallery.

All’s I can say is thank goodness it wasn’t naked pictures of Joyce DeWitt thru the peephole of her hotel room.  I wonder if Joyce DeWitt knew Frank McCourt?