Hating Tyler …. and Tami too

This was a big week for The Hansbrough Family in Chapel Hill.  Son Tyler broke Phil Ford’s UNC scoring record to no one surprise …. and mom Tami got a job at the UNC Dental School to a LOT of folks’ surprise.  Both events were predictably over-blown by the media and ABCers respectively. ….. BobLee, to no one’s surprise, gives’em both his unique perspective. …..

OK, before I venture into the shark-filled waters of “criticizing a Hansbrough” let me remind all you Buddies, Babes and lurking loonie nutjobs of one thing.  Ye Olde Internet Legend is THE ONLY man in human history to stand before 400+ Missouri sports fans at the MU J-School and announce “Tyler sends his regards to all his fans in the Show-Me-State …” and live to tell about it.  My appreciation for #50 takes a back-seat to no one.

I have a four year archive of atta-boy columns here applauding Tyler’s small town roots  …. his aw-shucks Li’l Abner persona …. his rugged court presence …. and his representing the handfull of worthwhile qualities still remaining in college athletics.  Give me Tyler and Stephan Curry and lets start a whole new college basketball league ….. four year players with manners, basketball skills, at least two parents, and no children of their own. ….. Wake-Up BobLee you’re dreaming again! ….

Tyler breaking Phil’s UNC scoring record was indeed a milestone for anyone who follows Carolina basketball.  Whether the feat warranted being simul-cast on Armed Forces Network and telegraphed to the cosmonauts in Soyuz Seven is debatable.  That ESPN gave it “Cal Ripken Breaks Gehrig’s Record” bombast was a tad embarrasing.  The resentment that lily-gilding created among ABCers no doubt led to the NCAA Death Penalty demands as regards Mother Hansbrough’s new job at the Dental School.

 First …. Phil’s Record:  Yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah ….. So and so and so and so woulda broken the record if they had (1) stayed/played four years and (2) scored enough points.  Bring out the Roger Maris asterisk.  Jim Brown played nine game NFL seasons.  His 1,000 yard seasons should count more than 16-game 1,000 yard seasons.  Bobby Jones (the golfer, not the UNC guy) played with wooden shafts and gutta percha balls.  Pete Maravich scored a bazillion points without the 3-point line.  David Thompson was not allowed to dunk.  Ted Williams spent his best years in military service.  Richard Petty’s 200+ victories included a bunch of Friday night dirt tracks. ….. such are the clouds that envelope all sports records.

Is Tyler Hansbrough THE greatest basketball player since Dr Naismith hung his peach basket in that Springfield YMCA?  Only “the regulars” at Ralph’s Barber Shop in Poplar Bluff MO might think so.  And even Ralph will admit that fellow Missourian Bill Bradley was also pretty darn good in his day.  Does Tyler HAVE to be “the greatest EVER”?  Only to Napoleon Dynamite in Room 156 in Ehringhaus Dorm who also thinks Ryan Houston was robbed in the recent Heisman voting.

Assuming the upcoming coronation of The Obamas does not trigger The Rapture and subsequent Apocalypse, there will be other fine players at UNC.  Twenty years from now some enterprising reporter will seek out a retired reclusive Ol’ Roy to ask how he compares “his Tyler” to the Best Ever de jour of 2028.  ORW will give the reporter to the count of three to get off his front porch before he shoots him.  The question will go unanswered.

Do you reckon in 2028, most of the 147,000 who were “there” in Carmicheal when Walter Davis hit the jumper to beat Duke in the “down by 25 with three seconds to play” game will have been replaced by the 256,000 who were “there” in Dean’s Dome when Gerald Henderson, Christian Laettner, Art Heyman and Billy Packer all hit Tyler with sledge hammers while he was saving 43 brownie scouts from a axe-weilding Coach K?  Tapes of Woody Durham claiming Ron Cherry and the SEC refs are also hitting Tyler with sledge hammers will be valued collectors items.

As part of Tyler Breaks The Record Week, ESPN’s Rick Reilly did a Why Everyone Hates Tyler spoof column.  It was pretty much Rick’s Why Everyone Hates Duke column of several years ago.  Rick inserted “Tyler” everywhere he had written Christian Laettner, Sean Battier, JJ Riddick and Grant Hill.  Especially the parts about “the refs protect him” and “flops” and “fouls on every play” and “just because ….”.  It was noted that when Tyler hit the shot that broke Phil’s record, the separate camera shots of Doc & Tami Hansbrough broke the NCAA “parents in the stands” camera time record previously held by Calvin & Ms Hill.

Again, an asterisk is in order since Doc & Tami don’t sit together.  Kudos to Doc for not bringing Hottie Wife #2 for the record-breaker game.  That coulda been dicey and tuff to explain to young Tar Heels in TV-land.  Tyler has two moms might play well in Carrboro but not so well elsewhere.

For those of you wondering ….. “The Riddicks” are #3 in the “parents on camera” list and Jeff Lebo’s dad is #4.  Records were not kept back in Hook Dillon’s day or even in Tom McMillan’s day although Tom’s mom will certainly never be forgotten.  Whether Lefty got Mother McMillan a job at the U of Maryland Dental School has never been proven.

Tyler will break more records as the season progresses.  Several will be meaningful.  Several will only be meaningful to Adam Lucas.  If the Heels don’t cut down the nets in Detroit he will be remembered by his ABC critics for that non-schievement alone.  As for me ….. Again, I like him A WHOLE LOT and am glad I’ve had the chance to see him play.  I hope Roy continues to recruit “kids like Tyler Hansbrough“.  I’m pretty sure he will.  I like that about Ol’ Roy.

Why is Tyler really so hated??? ….. That’s the Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, Tyler Hansbrough Race Card – every high profile white college athlete who wins a whole lot but does NOT have a mug shot on-file with the local police is automatically “hated”.

Meanwhile as Tyler scores and rebounds and “plays all out on every possession” and leads the NCAA in every overt white player clique category …. his mom got hired by the UNC Dental School as a fundraiser.   The timing of Tami’s hiring mighta been handled with just a smidgen more discretion although the end result woulda been the same.  End Result = cries from area ABCers to enact the NCAA DEATH PENALTY against those dastardly rule-breaking cheaters in Chapel Hill.

All UNCers join in a resounding chorus of “….. but but but THIS is different”.  Different than Joe Forte’s mom being hired by Dean Smith’s favorite agent Dave Falk at Octagon …. Different from Carlos Boozer’s mom being hired by Coach K’s buddy Maceo Sloan ….. Different than Steve “RIVERS” being hired as Head Coach at Raleigh’s Wakefield High School.   Whether it truly is “different” depends as always on what color lens are in the glasses you wear to evaluate such situations.

Tami has legitimate resume cred in medical fund raising.  Tami has the Donna Reed looks and June Cleaver charm to squeeze bucks outta dentists from Murphy to Manteo to Poplar Bluff.  Did anyone interviewing her at the UNC Dental School think “Hansbrough ??” …. “Poplar Bluff ??” …. and figure she might be a distant cousin of whatshisname the BB player?   If the UNC Dental School honchos are that dense I don’t want them doing my root canals.  Absolute 100% dead solid certainty they knew they were hiring “Tyler’s Mom”.

Did NCSU Provost Larry Nielsen know “Mary Easley” with a home address of “The Governor’s Mansion” might be The Governor’s Wife when he flim flammed her hiring at NC State?  Of course he did but at least Larry did his best to conceal his dirty deed ….. plus none of Mary’s children can dribble very well.  “But but but that is  different ….”  What’s the same is both hires end up on Erskine Bowles’ desk causing him to wonder why he ever took the UNC Prez job.  For what its worth ….. Mary is getting paid A LOT more than Tami Hansbrough is.  Maybe Tami shoulda hired Jimma Sexton as her agent?

Is there an NCAA rule against hiring attractive player moms to raise $$$ for dental schools?  Probably not …. Should there be?  Only if it benefits some other school other than the one I pull for.

The N&O’s Caulton Tudor cried “foul” to the Tami hiring.  Adding fuel to the fire that Caulton is a ECU / NCSU / Duke homer except when he writes stuff critical of ECU / NCSU / Duke at which time he is, of course, a UNC homer.

If all the above makes your head hurt, try this.  Sarah Palin’s daughter’s boyfriend’s mother gets busted on drug charges which PROVES that the 58,000,000 of us who did not vote for Cocoa Puff are all oxycotin-swilling hillbillies ….. BUT the fact that Cocoa Puff’s inner circle are all mired in indictments, pending indictments and accessories to the fact charges is simply an on-going series of unfortunate coincidences.  Yeee Haaaa.

….. Say good night Tami

BobLee

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