The Column I Did NOT want to Write!

    BobLee
    January16/ 2000

    ….. Really, I wanted to be the ONLY Internet genius  NOT to write about “Skip, The Cop & Obama”.  I resisted for a week as 1000s of my cyber brethren dutifully expounded from every point along the Self-Righteous Know-It-All Spectrum.  Then I heard from IowaHawk. –  “BobLee, it’s your turn Bubba. Lay it on us.”  In this bizness, you don’t say no to IowaHawk. 

    This silly Internet has more “Legends In Their Own Minds” than the Rap Artists Hall of Fame AND the Hollywood Ingénue Hall of Fame combined.   A handful of pithy columns on a website designed by “some nerd who only charged me $20” and suddenly an otherwise vapid existence has faux-meaning.

    Out of that muck & mire a few of us emerge with an actual fan base beyond our immediate family and some imaginary friends named after Lord Of The Rings characters.  I’m proud to say yours truly and www.iowahawk.typepad.com have made that ascent.  Adios vapid existence – Hello Legend status.  Check out IowaHawk some times.

    >>><<<

    OK, class ….. is everyone well aware of the basics of Skip – The Cop & Obama (StC&O)?  Do I need any subtitles or footnote references here?  No, the address was NOT 610 N. Buchanan Blvd in Derm.  That was another racial nuke set off by those who live to set off racial nukes.  Actually another famous Derm address DOES enter into this latest sordid tale. ….. 1810 Cedar Street.  Read on ……

    Whatever did happen in Cambridge (apparently only VERY angry black activists know “what really happened” …. wink, wink) it was NOT “Rodney King 2009”.  If StC&O had stayed just Skip & The Cop it would have merited a 2” blurb on page 6 in the Boston Globe.  Yes, I know that Skip is a pal of Madame O ….. OK, a 3” blurb on page 6.  Add “Obama” to this minor dust-up and we get a WHAMMO …… and the HealthCare debate got shoved back below the WNBA boxscores.

    Here’s the first of several “I read on BobLeeSays” that you can amaze your other buddies with …… The Question Was Planted By TeamObama.  It was NOT a “gotcha ambush”.  PBO knew it was coming and purposely wanted to sound off on “an unfortunate reminder that racism is still prevalent in this country, but don’t worry I’m in charge now”.  Of course, he severely miscalibrated the overall public response to his comment.

    Obama knew the quite rabid ACORNs would turn handsprings and all his angry black activist buddies and hard-core left-wing extremists would yell “yippee” or “right-on bro” or whatever they yell over inflammatory racial rhetoric.  What he didn’t count on was the lots o’ “reglar Amuricans” tuning in that night.  They had hoped to hear a clear explanation of at least one page of the ObamaCare Manifesto.  What they got was “SLAP! …. There’s a new POTUS in charge and he be a brutha”.

    That seemingly obvious revelation shocked a few million folks who had simply assumed “at least he’s not Bush” and hadn’t given the rest of the package much thought.

    “OHMYGAWD Ethel.  That smooth-talking catbird with the funny ears is A BLACK FELLA!” ….. “Are you sure Henry?” …… “Pretty sure. He’s talking about ‘them’ and “us’ and we be a “them” to him.” …… “Lets cross over to the other side of the street, and hold on to your purse with both hands” ……. “Is it true what they say about “black men”, Henry?” …… “ETHEL !!”

    How could TeamObama be so stoopid?  Ahhhhh, a “teachable moment” young grasshoppers …… Axelrod, Emmanuel, Carville & Company needed to determine if the Obamic anesthesia had the country totally comatose or did they need to keep the IV hooked-up.  Like with my recent surgery, the “gas man” pinched my arm “do you feel this?

    Last Wednesday Obama was saying “do you feel this?” and a lot of Real Gawdfearin’ Amuricans screamed “Yikes, Yes and Stop it!”  So now they know they (the mainstream media!) need to pour on more sleep gas to get us totally “out of it” so TeamObama can get on with the major surgery.

    A show of hands.  How many of you had realized what was really going on?  You didn’t need to know ‘cause you knew I would know ….. right?

    So now …. If you have ALL your chores done and three new items checked off your Bucket List I’ll let you waste your time debating the insignificant and irrelevant details of “Sgt. Crowley said ….. then Skip said ….. and “yo mamma” ….. and the 911 tape said ….. and Sgt. Crowley is just another _____, and Skip is just another  _____, and whatdoyouexpect – it’s Haaavad.”  But only if ALL your chores are done.

    More “only BobLee knows this kinda stuff” stuff …… Back in the late 80s Henry Louis “Skip” Gates was brought to West Derm to be Duke’s “token angry black professor” (DTABP).  Gene “Tinkerbell” Banks, in the early 80s, was Duke’s first “token really good black basketball player” (TRGBBbP!).  I digress …..

    Henry Louis “Skip” Gates purposely purchased a “great big ol house” at 1810 Cedar Street so he would have some inflammatory anecdotes for his lectures about “being an angry black professor” living in “a great big ol’ house” in a Southern city that is well-known to be a racially-charged powder-keg.  (NOTE:  All this was 16 years before “a man named Nifong” set off the afore-mentioned powder-keg ably assisted by the local regional newspaper. )

    It only took three years for Henry Louis “Skip” Gates to grow tired of being Duke’s “token angry black professor”.  Skip got pissed that Derm had no decent Chicken ‘n Waffle joints plus he grew annoyed at always being asked to “tap dance and tell us some Richard Pryor jokes” at faculty meetings.  So H.L. “Skip” Gates said “Haaavad is where I oughta be …… so he loaded up the truck and moved to ……” (oops, nothing rhymes with Beverlee).  And he sold that big ol’ house and Guess Who He Sold It To ????

     Michael Peterson – novelist and famous local wife-murderer!   You folks way across the fruited plain may not know about Bre’r Peterson.  Remember that “other Peterson guy” out in San Francisco who killed his pregnant wife and dumped her in the Pacific.  Michael Peterson was Derm’s “Peterson guy who kills wives”.  He trained an owl to kill his wife and push her down the grand stairway in H.L. “Skip” Gates former “big ol’ house” at 1810 Cedar Street in Derm. …….. now you know …… “the rest of the story”.

    BobLee will we ever see an “end” to “the racial turmoil in Amurica”?  Sure, right after we all agree on “when Life begins” on that Abortion thing ….. and just before Chapel Hill holds a parade down Franklin Street to honor Coach K passing Deano in total wins.

    To paraphrase The King Jimmy …… “There will always be wars and rumors of wars and black folks and white folks harumphin’ and posturin’ and ablamin’ one another ….. while those crazy Islamofascist nutjobs quietly set-up terror cells within 25 miles of my front door ….”

    >>><<<

    Which of the following #s is closest to how many e-mails
    you have received about Obama’s Birth Certificate?

    8 …… 47 …… 962+

    >>><<<

    Buddies, I truly don’t know if there’s truth to “the Birth Certificate” controversy.  I do know that if it becomes an official BFD then we will see national race riots that will have most of America looking like Beirut or Dresden after the bombings.  Lou Dobbs just “mentioned” it on CNN and now the hard-core Lib nutjobs are demanding he be fired ….. then beheaded.  Or vice versa.

    And another thing ….. whats with this “Skip” thing?  How do an angry ol’ black dude get a yuppie cracker frat boy nickname?  That just ain’t right.  Suppose I wanted to be BobKareemRashadLee.  You know “they” would pitch a fit fo sure.  Do ya suppose “Skip” wears lime green polos and Nantucket Red britches and has a sweater looped ’round his neck?  Huh, ya think?

    BobLee

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