Reverends, Referees & WeBees

    BobLee
    January21/ 2000

    . Last week was tough on backsliding Christians and Zebras and more politicians (nothing new about that third group …. sigh!).  Are “all Christians, referees and political hacks ABUNCHA ____.”  BobLee reviews the goings-on and sees some reason for some optimism.  What’s a “We-Bee”?

        What’s a “We-Bee”?  We-Bees are career government employees.  Politically partisan administrations come and go.  Presidents, governors and mayors appoint their cronies, hacks and idiot brothers-in-law to positions within their administrations complete with fancy titles and access to the muckety-muck candy store of ludicrous perks.  Two, four, six years later those cronies and hacks will be replaced (or forced to resign due to stoopid scandal) by a different set of cronies and hacks.  The we-bees know that.

       When the cronie / hack du-jour does his/her departmental “meet & greet” the we-bees just smile, or often just out-and-out laugh, because they know that “WE BEE HERE WHEN YOU BE GONE”.   And they are correct.

       Trying to fire a We-Bee is as frustratingly impossible as trying to fire a tenured faculty squirrel whose only crimes are kiddie porn, dog fighting, flag burning, and peeing on the Washington Monument.

        The #1 problem in EVERY government agency is TOO MUCH DEAD WOOD.  The first rule that every commissioner / secretary learns  is “he/she can NOT get rid of the DEAD WOOD”.  Duh!  WeBees Rule!

       Here’s an analogy ….. you rent a beach house for the summer.  The realtor tells you up-front that there are roaches in the house.  You dismiss the concern because you have a fool-proof formula for getting rid of roaches.  The realtor and the roaches just smile because the last dozen renters had “fool-proof formulas” too.  The other renters are long gone.  The roaches still be there.

       You might have missed it among the myriad of political scandals of late but The Old North State just tossed out it’s latest Commissioner of Motor Vehicles.  Disgraced DMV Commissioners in North Carolina are like Imelda Marcos’ shoes.  Too many to count and you never see the same one twice.  (NOTE:  “money line”)

       The latest DMV scallywag was caught doing favors for his cronies.  NO !!!!  It involved saving a crony a few dollars on his car registration by falsifying the classification of his vehicle.  Cronies of politically appointed cronies know to line-up early for their favor because sure-as shooting the long line of cronies with their hand out will attract attention and influential appointed crony becomes “former influential appointed crony”.

       Maybe this one instance was the only such “favor” this guy did.  Maybe it was the only one he got caught doing.  A we-bee caught him.  The we-bee whistle-blower got disciplined.  The Commissioner is now “former Commissioner”.  The we-bee got un-disciplined and is back on the job.

       A disgraced appointed crony has even a lower social rating than former defensive coordinators.  Whatever he “was” before he was an influential appointed crony is forever lost and only his “resigned over improprieties” sticks.  If his original claim to infamy was “idiot brother-in-law” that could be a career boost.

       I spoke last week with a fellow who has been in the belly of the government beast.  He is a former congressman, former member of a governor’s staff and former CEO of a well-known large academic entity.  He escaped scandal and shame because he is a straight-up honest fellow …. but he dodged bullets and vindictive we-bees and lived to talk about it.

       Most state agencies have 1,000s of career employees of assorted proficiencies and personalities.  Some do a fine job at their assigned job.  Some do not.  The phrase “good enough for government work” was created for a reason.  Very few “government employees” go on to win entrepreneurial awards, discover cures for diseases, or marry head cheerleaders.  There is also a reason for that.

       I asked a career state government employee once how it felt to know that the day after he retired some other faceless bureaucrat would be shuffling the endless stack of papers in his former in-box.  He said he had no intention to even look back or much care.  The admittedly mundaness of his job came with good pay after a long career doing it and “Monday thru Friday for “them” finances Saturday and Sunday for me.”  At 5:01 on Friday he was “outta there”.  He had lost count of how many “new Commissioners” he had outlasted and how many “improved efficiency seminars” he had slept thru.   He could only remember three former Commissioners during his tenure.  A records check showed there had been seven of them.

       On a federal level the 1,000s become 10,000s.  Trying to effect one of those monstrosities is akin to trying to turn an aircraft carrier using a canoe.  Since the commissioner/secretary du jour can’t really make any difference anyway, why not curry favors for your inevitable after-life by helping your cronies.

       We-bees will tell you they actually prefer the sleazy appointees rather than the honest, well-intended ones.  They will all fail and it is more fun to watch the sleazy ones get caught with their hand in the cookie jar or up their “executive assistant’s” skirt than to see a honest guy resign in total frustration.  In the end …. The we-bees, and roaches, always win.

     >>><<<

       Good News – Bad News …… the plethora of political scandals in North Carolina in the past month have the locals in a tizzy.  Oh me, oh my …. What’s happening to our proud state?

       The Good News is ….. Similar scandals are happening all over the country.  And they are bi-partisan.

       The Bad News is ….. Similar scandals are happening all over the country.  And they are bi-partisan.

       Arlo “Crash” Nifong was “special”.  He WAS a “national nut”.  His shenanigans were so shenaniganous that it attracted national attention.  Jimbo The Weasel’s crooked shenanigans actually had more negative effects on many more people but Jimbo was of no interest to anyone outside North Carolina.  Likewise David Almond, those goofy do-raggers, or this DMV yahoo. …. or the 4-5 that will pop up this week.

       Illinois and Ohio both have juicy in-state scandals roaring like Malibu brushfires.  And the old reliables of Louisiana, New Jersey and Texas keep their scandalous homefires burning year-round.   Even the Mayor of Los Angeles is diddling an info-babe.  Google the primary media of just about any state and you will read sordid tales of sex, drugs, alcohol, money and power running amuck in their respective sausage factories.

       “All politicians and political appointees are crooked” is as incorrect as “all sausage contains yucky parts of animals”.  But there is a reason you don’t want to tour a sausage factory.

       Is it a shame that weak willed un-principled people get into positions of power and influence?  Of course it is.  What can we “do about it”?  Start with being strong willed men/women of principle ourselves and then find like-minded others …. Then build ourselves an “ark” and move our hearty band of strong willed principled guys and gals to Greenland and open up a 5-star resort hotel for when the glaciers melt and Greenland becomes the next Cancun.

     >>><<<

        It was a rough week for back-sliding Christians.  Coy Privette was a very well-known advocate for Christian causes in North Carolina.  He was therefore despised by the atheistic uber-Libs almost as much as they hated Jesse Helms.  Coy led grassroots movements against abortion, the lottery, homosexuality and assorted other sinister attempts by the Extreme Left to destroy the moral fabric of America.

       I have never met Coy Privette but I have good friends who know him well.  But apparently not as well as they thought.

       Last week the story broke that Coy was purchasing the services of a prostitute.  Not just “a prostitute” but one so butt-ugly that she made Crystal Gale “Precious” Mangum look like Halle Berry by comparison.  Yuck, ptui.  It was shocking enough that such a human being exists much less that she and Coy had some sort of “thing going” on.  Coy has resigned from his leadership roles without any public statements refuting the charges so it looks bad for Coy ….. and, by implication, “all Christians” because this PROVES (taa daa) that “we’re ALL ABUNCHA _____.”

       To the credit of the N&O journo-butchers, they did not try to pass off Coy’s gal pal as “an honor student and single mother of two just trying to make a better life for her family by dancing exotically“.  She was simply one butt ugly ho.  One account even described her as “Teresa Kerry ugly”.

       For the record, I am one Christian who has never purchased the services of a butt-ugly ho or of one who looks like Halle Berry.  (BLS readers will recall my brief encounter with a working girl outside LAX a few years ago. No bizness was transacted) I have seen some really ugly wimmen however hanging around a Holiday Inn Express.

        As Christians around the globe were reeling from Coy’s Impropriety, the second clay-footed shoe fell.  Tammy Faye died.  The death of  Tammy Faye gave the godless journo-butchers free rein to further remind their dwindling readership that “all Christians are A BUNCHA ____”.  

        I will not pass judgement on Tammy Faye other than to say, in my opinion, she was an odd woman and wore a tad too much make-up for my tastes.  Once again, for the record, I have never bilked my followers out of millions, had an air-conditioned doghouse or had my spouse cavort with Jessica Hahn.

       In her final days, Tammy Faye achieved a television first.  Appearing on Larry King Live a few days before she expired, Tammy Faye became the first guest in Larry’s 50 year career to look scarier than Larry does.

     >>><<<

        I have lived a sheltered life.  Not only have I never done all that sordid cavorting that “all Christians do”, I have never bet on an NBA game (or any sporting event).  I guess if I had, I would be concerned about this revelation that a veteran NBA referee, Ed Donaghy, has been involved with “organized crime” and was betting on games and likely “influencing those games’ outcome”.

       Donaghy was also once cited for setting fire to a neighbor’s tractor.  I assume “all crooked NBA refs are ABUNCHA tractor arsonists”.

       I appreciate that that is a “bad thing” and simply more sprinkles on the top of the “society going to hell in a hand basket” sundae that we are force-fed every day.

       Since sports to me is simply “entertainment”, the outcome of NBA games means no more to me than the outcome of WrestleMania or Roller Derby or American Idol or Survivor.  The NBA Champion and the WWE Champion and American Idol are just titles bestowed upon performers to me.   To those entities upon whom no integrity is bestowed, none can be taken away.

       Dickie Baddour’s twin-brother David Stern has offered to trade scandals with NFL’s Roger Goodell.  A crooked Ref and Ron Artest for Michael Vick and a Bengal to be named later.

       A basketball referee proven to be “on the take”.  Just what ACC loonies need to inspire their paranoia about Coach K.

    >>><<<

     What was the name of 

    Jim & Tammy Faye’s Shangri-La in Fort Mill SC?

     >>>><<<

        There had to be at least one BLS reader who did not know that Clemenza “took the cannolis” but we have not located that one.

       David Almond (Albemarle), Coy Privette (Kannapolis), and Tammy Faye (Fort Mill) are all from “The Great State of Mecklenburg” vicinity.  That place is EVIL!

       That wonderful “find something to blame Dickie for” season is upon us.  The Bell Tower parking lot beside Kenan Stadium is Kaput …. to be replaced by “a parking garage” (yuck, ptui!).  In truth “Progress” ate the Bell Tower Lot but it is so much more fun for the Shineolas to “blame Dickie”.  My various fat cat good buddies who are being displaced understand and accept it.  The “Shineys” who have never set an unwashed foot in the Bell Tower Lot are in full riot mode over it because …. that’s what Shineolas do.

       Elizabeth’s spouse appears on the cover of Esquire under the banner “Sexiest Woman Alive”.  Prompting the vindictive, albeit courageous, candidate’s spokes-spouse to send a “suspicious substance” to the publishers of the metro-sexual magazine.

       The men’s sandal industry has joined the Edwards Campaign and The N&O in offering a bounty for the typing fingers of BobLee.  The intrepid Internet Legend forges on in his quest to expose all the arrogant evil-doers and bring peace and harmony to his imperiled planet.

    BobLee

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