A Bubblin’ Stew Of Good Stuff

    BobLee
    September11/ 2007

    We knew “GameDay” would “hit a homer” with you regulars and plenty of drive by readers and it did. …. Some follow-up on that…. But now the stars are aligned for all sorts of silliness upon which to expound, so expound we shall on the UNC v NCSU rivalry, political Dobies, college freshmen, Brunswick Stew and Chicken & Dumplings …. Grab your bowl and spoon and hit READ MORE.  It’s lengthy but a “Good One”!

    Lets cover the stumper first.  BRUCE POULTON, in my not-so-humble opinion was more responsible for Jimmy V’s self-destruction than Peter Golenbock, John Simons, or Claude Sitton combined.  Bruce was (supposedly) The NCSU Chancellor during those dark days twenty years ago.  Had Bruce not been a jock-sniffing dork, he could have been a calming influence as Jim became drunk on the wine of celebrity and set himself up for the administrative tragedy that took place.  With the slightest bit of administrative control, Jim coulda “still been Jimmy V” and been fine until the NBA “big stage” would have lured him away eventually. ….. compared to Bruce Poulton, “Meezie” is the executive equivalent of Hugh McColl and Jack Welch combined.

     Sept 15 …. The UNC v UVa noon game in Kenan is just a prelude to THE BIG EVENT that day!  The 35th Annual Brunswick Stew Dinner at the New Sharon Methodist Church between Hillsborough and Derm.  5:00 – 7:00 …. AYCE …. “old fashioned” Brunswick Stew and chicken and dumplings.  $8.00/ person and “take home” quarts available.  I’m told this is THE REAL STUFF and not some “runny soup”. …. Brunswick Stew etiquette prohibits asking “what’s in it”.  We afficianados love trying to guess.  I’ll try and remind youans a few days out.  ….. I’ll definitely be there.  Maybe I can get Crash, Precious and Crazy Cuzzin Jackee to show up.  Crash might play “Froggy went a courtin’” on his 6-string.

    Bad News for Dobie Gillis …. Huh? …. Whatchutalkin about BobLee.  Oh … “Dobie Gillis” is my 4th, 5th, or 6th disparaging nickname for “the apple-cheeked fraud from Robbins” …. Dobie was a slick conniving high school Harry from 50s TV.  He was all style and no substance.  The actual “star” of the show was Maynard G. Grebs the quintessential “beatnik” played by Bob Denver prior to him getting a gig as mate on “The Minnow”.

    John Edwards’ entire political “career” has never been much more than a glorified run for student body president, “Dobie Gillis” fits him.  Our apologies to Dwayne Hickman’s ancestors.

    The death knell for “The Edwards” officially began on Saturday.  John’s weekly stack of faux pas has now reached such proportions that his campaign house organ, The N&O, has turned on him.  Yep, Dan Kane (my newest best friend “down there”) ran a front page report on Dobie’s deep-pocketed connection with “predatory lending”.  Seems Spouse de Lizzie was both employed by and heavily invested in a hedge fund (Fortress) that is engaged in foreclosing on Dobie’s photo op poverty pals in the 9th Ward.  Uh oh!

    Dobie’s faux pas are coming at such a rate these days it’s like flushing a covey of quail …. “which one do you aim at?”  Hell, just point your 12 gauge in the middle of’em and you’ll be sure to drop 3-4.  On Thursday he admitted he did not realize that Cuba’s health care was “run by the government”….. YIKES! ……  and Fidel’s 100% voter mandate for 50 years is a coincidence because he gets $400 beard trims …. Right Dobie?  I hear even Courageous Elizabeth slapped him upside the head after that one.

    When in trouble, Dobie resorts to familiar tactics.  (1) He unhooks Lizzie from her chemo drip and shoves her out front to fight his battles for him agin’ all the people saying he’s (a) not very manly …. (b) dumber than a box of hammers …. (c) shallower than a parking lot puddle …. And (2) He evokes the name of Ann Coulter AGAIN.   That always stirs up his uber-Lib loonie base for about 48 hours.

    Mark it down …. Elizabeth will make one more $$$ run thru the Back Of The Phonebook Boys in late September …. Then around Thanksgiving Dobie will tearfully announce that “Elizabeth & my children need me now more than America does.”  He will retire to The Manse to shoot hoops and play racquetball as long as Lizzie is able ….. 15-20 years being the best guess.  What about Reporter Rob’s dream of being Prez Dobie’s WH Press Secretary ….. nope …. he will be Johnny & Liz’s lawn jockey instead.

    Dobie probably think he can get another scam deal from UNC.  But I’m betting Ersky “Buford” Bowles has already rather forcefully informed Meezie …. “Nope … we ain’t agonna do that silliness no more.”

    Does the UNC v NC State rivalry need a “symbol”?  A bell, an old oaken bucket, a tomahawk, an ax or some other “the winner gets to keep it” object de art to signify “we whupped your butt and this proves it …. Nah nah nah!”

    Apparently Jones Angell proferred such in a recent article in Tar Heel Monthly so naturally The BobLee Nation wanted my thoughts on the subject.

    Well first, I like Jones Angell.  We’ve been pals for 6-7 years but don’t tell Gary Sobba or Woody.  Gary and Woody ain’t big BobLee fans ( I’m a tad too “irreverant”) and I don’t want to get Jones in trouble.  Like so many of us ….. Jones married “out of his league”.  Purty little gal from Onslow County.

    Alas …. Such nice endearing traditions like “rivalry symbols” and “colorful nicknames” have been pretty much exorcised from college sports by a combination of the PC-crowd and our old pals “the goggle-eyed howler monkeys” on “the boards”.  Granted those are odd partners but tis true.

    If I was “in charge” (….. quiet reflection for a moment ….) we would bring back “mike men” and pre-game pranks and “Beat Dook” parades and all sorts of good-natured ribbing including rivalry symbols and such.  BUT …. Doing any of that requires a truly endangered quality in our society …. AN INSTITUTIONAL SENSE OF HUMOR.  “Endangered” hell …. “Institutional Sense of Humor” was beheaded, disemboweled and its entrails chopped into hash back in the 80s.

    The PC-numbnutz (aka “constipated prigs”) got a foothold and pretty much whitewashed any humor out of what once was a fun experience …. aka going to college.  Picture Meezie “clapping like a gay seal” and while that IS a hoot, he doesn’t realize we’re laughing AT him.  Over in West Rawlee …. Can you say “Tailgate Tommy” Stafford? 

    So we got the constipated prigs on one side and then the “mean & nastys” Shineolas on the other.  Of all the disgusting qualities of the message board loonies, none is more glaring than their total inability to laugh at themselves.  They cuss and fuss and slander and libel rival fans for acting exactly like they act.  As we remind you …. The ONLY DIFFERENCE between PackPride and InsideCarolina is the primary color of the masthead ….. one is red, the other blue.  The cyber sewage is the same.  The mean-spirited name calling is identical.

    UNTIL ONE CAN LAUGH AT ONESELF, ONE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT OTHERS.

    Why do I cherish my Wuff and Duke pals ???  Because me and my “rival friends” all make fun of ourselves.  Quote Duke Buck …. “Sure Laettner was a nasty son-of-a-b*tch …. But he was OUR nasty son-of-a-b*tch.”  My Wuff Pals can tell better “animal husbandry” jokes on themselves than any thing you’ll hear on Franklin Street.  And this might shock some of you …. I don’t keep company with Carolina fans that can’t laugh at themselves ….. which, alas, disqualifies A LOT of Carolina fans.  Humility and introspection have never been very popular courses around my alma mater.

    “The message boards” have come to define fan bases and those definitions are a sad reflection on our society in general.  Punks anxiously awaiting their first pubic hair and 45 y/o little league right fielders who ain’t on life’s “fast track”.   Until/unless “the mainstream” regains control over college sports we can forget developing any “new traditions” that will survive the test of time.

    Traditions can not be forced.  They result when circumstance meets creativity.

    Do your institution of choice a favor ….. “shoot a loonie and run over a constipated prig.”

    Anyone have a son or daughter entering college as a freshman this week?  We did that rite of passage a year ago.  I learned something in the process.  The modern day college dorm can be a frightening environment.  

    Kid was/is incredibly “savvy” about life in general and the assorted behavior paths that many of her peers elect to follow.  She attended a fine high school (Broughton in Raleigh) but even Broughton had its sordid elements.  There were definitely “The OC” elements to her high school experience.  She chose to steer clear of such pitfalls and chose her social circles carefully.  At night she could come home and she knew what to expect with Mom, Dad and “her room”.  She has also always been comfortable keeping her own company.  She chose her in crowd rather than trying to be accepted by others.  College altered that equation.

    Her college “Home” (aka The Dorm & even her room) were not environments which she could control.  I remember during “move-in” a year ago, all the signs all over Mizzou touting “DON’T WORRY …. WE ARE NOT A PARTY SCHOOL ……”.  Those signs were purely to tell parents what they wanted to hear.  The Univ of Missouri is no different than any other large public colleges including UNC, NCSU, et al.  One does not have to look far to find “trouble” and “trouble” will find you really quickly.  Alcohol, drugs, sex and general post-pubescent debauchery is rampant despite what fancy Student Life brochures wants you to think.

    The academics were a piece of cake for Kid …. Still a 4.0 after one year plus summer school …. But the social adjustment was borderline traumatic because there was no way to escape from “it”.  Luckily her roommate was OK and not “the roommate from Hell” but it took Kid a full semester to find kindred souls …. A semester during which we worried NOT about her going over to the dark side but just her daily unhappiness with the world she was stuck in.

    A year later she is as happy as she can be.  Living off-campus with four like-minded buddies.  A bunch of like-minded acquainti.  A solid church home.  She hung in there and carved out a cozy niche for herself in the midst of hedonistic chaos.  Many kids are not so lucky.  If you’ve sent a fledgling “off to college” do not kid yourself that it’s anything like “when we were in school” and even that era had its hazards for sure.  Stay in touch but don’t be “a helicopter parent” (“hovering via cell phone and e-mail”) …. They call it “a rite of passage” for a reason.  It’s a gauntlet each must traverse by his or herself ….. with Mom and Dad sitting anxiously on the sidelines with our fingers crossed …. And with our heads bowed in prayer.  That “head bowing part” really helped I think.

     Speaking of our Very Most Favorite Academic Executive …. Prez EB.  We are tickled to unveil right here today, the first of BobLee’s Incredible Poster Series.  The entire series (and I bet you can just guess what some of’em will be) will be on display at The Shadow Of The Bell Tower on Sept 1.   It wouldn’t be possible with out one of my most special “rival buddies” …. JDanTheWuff.  JDan is multi-talented …. he can design complicated sewer systems AND is a whiz w/ Photoshop.  ….. and truly “A Great American”.

    BobLee

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