Treat this Valentine’s Day as maybe your last. With political upheaval at Full Tilt, ya never know what the PC-Police will target next. Chocolate, Flowers and Romance are not big deals to the “non-traditional” sexual preference lobby. BobLee’s great new service for Baby Boomer Babes …….. and an update on Crazy Geno.
To BC in Ponte Vedra, Cliff from Dunn, LRP, Coach Reed down in Tejas, DERF and TP in G-boro, Boner in Balmer, Leakin Leon, RickandDonna, The Bomars, JDan, DrTT, Messenger ITB, Mizzus’ Friend Robert, The Boz, CokeDaddy, and numerous players to be named later …. this column is soooo going to have you ALL grinnin’ like Cheshire Cats. Even Lee & Moxie will soooo luv it.
I’ve got to tip toe thru a minefield with this so as not to turn loose a messa of slobbering stalkers ….
I recently referenced an athlete of the past 30 years. A long time reader replied that, as he recalled, said athlete’s “sister was drop dead gorgeous”. I happen to know said sister so I relayed said compliment to said sister’s husband …. Who, being no fool he, immediately told said “drop dead gorgeous” sister/wife.
Well SURPRISE SURPRISE ….. hubby writes back “THANKS BobLee, THAT MADE HER DAY!” He also noted that as the messenger of said unexpected compliment he expected not to be “shot” but rather to receive rewards of a more amorous nature. Woo Woo ….
The scenario reinforces a truism from BobLee’s Works Every Time Handbook.
Baby Boomer Babes can be mystifying and stupifying and occasionally down right ornery. But NOTHING gets’em grinning quicker than The Unanticpated Compliment …. Especially if it regards their halcyon days of Youthful Hottiness.
Not all Baby Boomer Gals were coed hotties any more than all Baby Boomer guys were BMOCs. Indeed, the fog of decades does not change reality ….. it just kills off eye witnesses to that reality. (WHOA NELLIE …. Was that a money line or WHAT!”) That was sooo profound I’ve got to repeat it.
“…. Indeed, the fog of decades does not change reality .….. it just kills off eyewitnesses to that reality.” ….. Ahhhhhhhh.
Where was I? So any way …. to the now mature swans who labored as ugly ducklings in their teens and early 20s prior to pilates, contact lens, lipo, life experience and assorted mastery of the cosmetic arts, I realize this reference to Coed Hotties stirs up unclean thoughts of the jealous feline variety. To you guys, it stirs up unclean thoughts of a different sort.
To us fellas who did land a Baby Boomer Babe (ain’t Life Grand!) whether on our first cast or after exhausting every lure in our tackle box and resorting to simply dynamiting the freakin’ pond ….. I offer a very inexpensive solution to “Oh my gosh …. CVS is all out of Whitman Samplers. What am I gonna do?”
One solution is a quick trip to Victoria’s Secret. My all-time Classic column on that subject was a first ballot Hall of Fame inductee. (NOTE: Randy @ The Umstead just made the nominee list for 2008!). A Visit To Victoria Secret is really a “go together” kinda thing. It’s a grin and giggle experience and doing that solo could get your pervert butt thrown out of the mall.
A hetero guy alone in Victoria’s Secret is a guaranteed disaster sure to happen. The retail equivalent of Clemson playing BB in Chapel Hill. The place smells like a French Bordello and all the Victoria’s Secret ninja clerks have one objective …. To trick you into some double entendre gaff then letting you marinate in your own embarrassment. They are VERY VERY good at doing that.
No Whitman Sampler from CVS and no VS lacy thingie? Your #1 I-Legend to the rescue.
I am starting BobLee’s Unexpected BB Babe Compliments R Us. For $8.99ea or two/$10 I will send you an e-mail to the effect ……
“Hey (your name) I was with some fellas recently from (your town) and somehow the subject of high school/college hotties came up. One thing led to another and every guy agreed that (your BB Babe’s name) was THE ALL TIME PENT-ULTIMATE HOTTIE. OK, no one used the term “hottie” back then but she was one for sure.
Their respect for her awesome beauty and charm was soooo incredible that not a single one even dared pretend he had any first-hand knowledge …. or felt he would have been worthy of such.”
WARNING: That last part about “no first hand knowledge” is REAL IMPORTANT. Without it the whole compliment deteriorates into a gory mess in a nano-second.)
What you do with this e-mail is then up to you. My aforementioned friend married to “drop dead gorgeous sister” was late to work the next morning and arrived wearing one navy sock and one black one.
(Sidebar to BL Mega Fan “Tee” ….. BR paid for lunch last week so he got a free one. You’re welcome. Is he giggling under the flannel sheets yet?)
I am considering franchising this service. If you are interested, my due diligence requires sworn affidavits from at least three BB Babes that you are indeed a prolific, albeit harmless, silver-tongued devil. One of those BB Babes should probably be the mother of your children. Gals who’s names end in “i” or “ee” don’t really count and likely can’t … higher than 10.
The Platinum Pals received a CODE C-BLUE ALERT on Tuesday as regards Uber Left-Wing Academaniac Gene Nichol being “sans employment” and likely eyeing the corner office in South Building.
After a short and oh-so-stormy tenure as Chief Screaming Nutjob at William & Mary, Geno got the “quit or be quitted” ultimatum from both William & Mary this week. Using sound judgement heretofore unseen in his stormy tenure, Geno immediately exited Stage Way Far Left. ….. Could W&M’s addition by subtraction become UNC’s loss? …… another prodigal son returns hat in hand ???
Geno is renown as “even further Left than Ward Churchill” which puts the former Dean of UNC Law School in his own padded cell in the Academic Asylum.
John Edwards trivia buffs will recall that Gene The Mean Dean was Johnny’s co-conspirator in the oh-so-embarrassing Poverty Center Bamboozle of a few years ago.
With the prospect that this now unemployed “administrative hand grenade with a very loose pin” might slither back towards Chapel Hill, yours truly grabbed my sword and lance and mounted my trusty steed. I can safely report my friends that this particular windmill dragon has been dispatched forthwith. I am lowering the Alert level to mauve.
The next UNC Chancy WILL be a card-carrying Lib/Dem for sure ….. but it can not be a fire-breathing blow torch like this very sinister squirrel.
I will monitor developments for any sign of life but the stake thru his heart and the 55 gallons of garlic seems to have done the trick.
Jack Benny (and Otto Graham!) was from Waukegan IL. Joe Namath (and Dante Calabria!) was from Beaver Falls PA. Others were …. T Edison – Menlo Park NJ ….. O. Redenbacher – Valparaiso IN …. F Sinatra – Hoboken NJ ….. M Twain – Hannibal MO …. J West – Cabin Creek WV.
Many of you confused “Town Characters” with “Local Somebodies” which is to be expected. Town Characters are a wonderfully colorful category of civic pride all their own. If Ernest T. Bass reaches a level of renown to deserve his own Welcome To sign or Ernest T Boulevard that is one awesome village idiot FOR SURE.
BobLee’s long-awaited all-encompassing “America Will Get What It Deserves …. And So Will I” treatise is all ready and primed for posting very soon. Maybe Gene Nichol will even read it. It ain’t like Geno has anything else to do these days. BWAHAHAHAHA!
Another skin-of-teeth “blow-out” W for Roy’s Boys up in HooVille. Once again, Roy’s effigy was all ready for hanging by the L-Fringe crowd.
Feelin’ down Bunky? Life not treating you real good? Got nuthin’ to feel good about? Step back from the ledge my friend. YOU ARE NOT HENRY WAXMAN.