EUREKA …. I Found It!

    BobLee
    January15/ 2010

    Every legal, and otherwise, soul across the fruited plain is convinced that our partisan differences have ZERO tangential points.  I, BobLee, have found one!  The one commonality between “people like me” and those who don’t like “people like me” …… Guess what that is?

    It is not opposable thumbs.  I’ve met “extremists” on both sides who are not that evolved.  Anal sphincters and opinions in general make the “short list” I suppose.

    After considerable research I can reveal that WE ALL, regardless of ideologies, believe in:

    From Knights Templar to the Gold Seal Mothers ….. from Proctor & Gamble to those secret carbureators at GM.  There’s something for every suspicion.
    Conspiracies” are divided into two distinct categories.  (1) If I, or those of like-mind, adopt a particular clandestine endeavor it is not a conspiracy at all.  It is “a confirmed truth”.  We must alert the authorities  ….. unless, of course, “the authorities” are the ones perpetrating said clandestine endeavor.  That is, unfortunately, often the case.The second category (2) is the Yeeee Haa bizarre concepts dreamed up by the insane nutjobs with religious and/or political ideologies different than mine.  “Their” hare-brained conspiracies are numerous and quite absurd.Ergo, not every one has the same clandestine endeavors on their list.  “Halliburton” might be on yours and “Birth Certificates” might be on mine.   As for Global Warming ….. puhleeeeze!  The International Conspiracy Alert Commission isn’t even monitoring “the nutty Algore people” any longer.

    If you find yourself Activity Chairman for a group with mixed political persuasions, pass out 3×5 cards to each attendee.  Have them list five current “conspiracies” threatening the existence of mankind.   Don’t sign the card.  Collect the cards and read the lists out loud ….. trying to guess who’s list is whose.   Remove any WMDs from the room prior to beginning this game…. assuming there ARE WMDs which, of course, is itself tied to some doozies conspiracies.

    Am I “a birther”?  I am a “partial-birther”.   “Facts” about Barack Obama prior to three years ago are harder to verify than the skeletal remains of D.B. Cooper.  Any legitimate attempt to expose those facts will set off massive street riots in every city in America.  It is not worth it.  This man was not elected because he is honest.  He was elected because he is (1) Black and (2) “not Bush”.  Honesty was never promised nor to be expected.  Think about that.  It explains a lot.

    That paragraph was not meant to be disparaging to those of a liberal persuasion.  Otherwise I would put this column in Stand & Declare.

    Conspiracies used to be verified thru snopes.com .   Until the husband/wife team who operate snopes.com out of their basement were outed as washed-in-the-blood liberal loonies.  That is like Martin Balsam asking Anthony Perkins (aka Norman Bates) if he knows who stabbed Janet Leigh in the motel shower.   The guy you are asking is the very psycho you are asking about.

    With snopes.com discredited ….. THIS website is pretty much your best source for Truth.  Do not contact the David Glenns of this world because, as we have been warned, “details are irrelevant” to that bunch.

    I purchased a book recently about End Of The World theories.  Every text from Revelations to Zoroaster has an “End Of The World” scenario.  Believe whichever one you please, just don’t blame me if you guess wrong.

    My brother-in-law is an advertising executive.  He shared this dirty little secret of “advertising” …… “Half of all advertising is wasted ….. but no one knows which Half”.  His agency doesn’t normally discuss that part with their clients.

    Applying the concept – half of all conspiracies are bogus …… but no one knows which half.  This is the common thread that does UNITE us all regardless of our  religious/political confusion.  We are all drawn to conspiracy theories like we are to roadkill and stories about Kardashian sisters.

    >>>>

    My first post-graduate job was in Peachtree City, GA; a suburb of Atlanta.   I was warned by the town folks about Bill Poe …. as nice a fella as ever drew breath.  He had a pixie of a daughter named “Dixie”.  Bill’s nice suburban brick ranch-style house had a full basement.  Bill’s basement contained enough provisions and lethal firepower to hold off a siege by Agamemnon, Santa Anna and Xerxes combined.

    Bill Poe was “a John Bircher”.  But not a fire-breathing “John Bircher”.  If you asked, Bill would politely answer your questions but he was not a wild-eyed Paul Revere riding the streets of Peachtree City warning of an impending invasion by the Russkies.  I liked Bill.

    Eight-nine years ago I found myself on the outskirts of a very small town in a gulf coast state.  I had been invited to a private party by “a wealthy industrialist”.

    …on a NTK basis. None of You NTK.

    The specific details are on a “NTK basis”.  None of you NTK.   After a dinner of a lot of red meat, we were transported in a convoy of black SUVs to an out building away from the main house.

    Prior to entering the out building, each attendee was required to sign a confidentiality pledge  …… “wealthy industrialist” ….. black SUVs ….. and confidentiality pledges.  HOLY ROBERT LUDLUM !!!

    There were no white sheets w/ hoods, burning crosses or talk of racial purity, zionists or jokes about the NBA.  In fact there were several “guests of color” at the party.  To this day I’m not sure who the specific adversary of concern was but our host was “locked and loaded” to repel anything short of a direct hit by a nuke.  I do recall the phrase “Tri-Lateral” being mentioned a lot!

    Four years ago I stood six feet away from Malik Zulu Shabazz as he and his New Black Panthers thugs stoked a crowd to “lynch dem rich white boys” at Duke.  Put a Saville Row suit on a 6’6″ whitey-hatin’ Mandingo warrior and you got yourself a hoot and a half.

    The Internet has been to conspiracy theories what Vigoro is to zoysia grass.  With a laptop, a modem, a mouse ….. a glib tongue ….. and a 55 gallon drum of high octane Red Bull ….. any Jim Jones, David Koresh, Haley Koch or Barack Obama can find willing disciples to follow him/her into the fiery breach of hell.

    Just remember buddies and babes:

    50% of conspiracy theories ARE bogus
    ….. you just don’t know which 50%.
    BobLee

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