RePulling Fingers & Egypt & Other Thoughts

    Agent Pierce
    February13/ 2011

    That column I did a few weeks ago on “Pull My Finger Pundits” …. it has gained sheer brilliance in just its few weeks of life. I’m suggesting it as a re-read and a definite pass-around to everyone you know regardless of their mis-guided ideological persuasion. What would Yul Brynner think about this Egypt dust-up?

    Latest “Pull My Finger” activity involves Keith Whatshisname. Keith got himself fired for the 4-5th time for being a bigger jackass off-screen than he plays on-screen. Keith is now hooking up with Captain Climate – the irrepressible Algore ….. WhooWeeee.

    GoreTV is currently seen in a 3-block radius in Marin County and a co-op apartment building in Scarsdale. Keith’s involvement may bring in a bike repair store in Toluca Lake if they can negotiate who buys lunch for the guy who installs the cable hook-up. Al begged the Nobel Prize guys to show GoreTV in their reception room in Stockholm. They just laughed and told him to go away.

    Life in general has been a bit sketchy for Crazy Ol’ Al since Tipper changed the locks on all the mansions; and escort services started demanding cash rather than IOUs written on tree bark.

    As for folks pulling Keith’s finger, that will likely continue. Despite no one or their brother-in-law watching GoreTV, anything Keith flatulates will be relayed to FoxNews who will interrupt normal programming to replay. That’s if Bill Mahre or Kathy Griffin aren’t saying anything at the moment.

    FoxNews may create a new show “What Obscure D-list Comics Said About Sarah Palin Today”. To qualify to be quoted, one must have zero name recognition and gotten no farther than one American Idol cattle call.

    Sarah Palin (I’m still crazy about that lady!) has officially replaced The Mayan Doomsday Calendar as America’s #1 fear over the next 18 months.

    I was on WPTF last week. The subject was an upcoming Civil Rights Pee-rade & Chittlin’ Strut to be led by Rev Billy Barber the local Al Sharpton wanna-bee. Bill Lumaye and I were critiquing Rev Billy’s totally predictable behavior and media manipulation. A caller, Bobby, was a washed-in-the-blood disciple of Rev Billy. Bobby said he just loved and admired Rev Billy and was glad Bill and I were so obsessed over him and probably dreamed about him. I interrupted Bobby to declare that I preferred to dream about Sarah Palin. That kneecapped Bobby and he hung up. Bill cut to a commercial for psoriasis relief.

    Chatting about “race issues” on WPTF can get a bit scary. The likelihood of a caller or two from nearby Johnston County is very real. JoCo has its own county song – Duelin’ Banjos. You get my drift.

    ♦♦♦

    What the heck is going on in Egypt? I only know three Egyptians and two of those aren’t really Egyptians – Elizabeth Taylor played Cleopatra and Yul Brynner played Ramses in The Ten Commandment. My 3rd Egyptian is Omar Sharif and he is most famous for playing a Russian – Dr Zhivago.

    A mess of Egyptians romping and stomping look/sound pretty much like any mess of sand fleas with dark mustaches wearing burkas. Mubarack was “a despot”. Is that like “a mogul”? I don’t think “despot” is meant as a compliment. Like when I call a liberal “an intellectual snoot”. Its not so much what you say but how you curl your lips into a sneer when you say it.

    Why do all Middle Eastern despots dress like they’re in a high school production of Gilbert & Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore? Why does Al Sharpton wear bling the size of hubcaps?

    Middle Eastern leaders are like NBA coaches. Other than Phil Jackson they are all pretty much the same and turn-over about as often. Except NBA coaches don’t get beheaded and dragged thru the streets behind a chariot. I hope we don’t get to that point with sports coaches.

    ♦♦♦

    Remember to send these Stand & Declare columns to all your friends, enemies and former high school classmates you never particularly liked very much. Maybe send them to that guy in Nigeria that has $300,000 he wants to give you in exchange for your social security number.

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