I don’t know where my mind was on March 13. I must have been deep in thought to have overlooked – The 5th Anniversary of Duke Lacrosse. As Official Never Forgetter For DL I was lax in keeping up with Duke Lax. Whats the proper gift for a disbarred DA and a crazy ho on a 5th Anniversary? …. a brief update.
NOTE: From Day One five years ago I have bashed this absurd media-fueled farce. The participants are real people whose lives were forever changed by events that did/did not take place. The villains, to me, will ALWAYS be “the media” specifically the executive management of The News & Observer who seized this circumstance to push their own self-serving agenda at the expense of Truth and Fairness. …. and have never apologized!
♦ Duke Lacrosse – March 2006 – Never Forget! ♦
“… honor student and single mother of two” was how we first met Crystal Gale Mangum aka “Ho #1” in the Duke Lacrosse Scandal. That sobriquet was coined by Linda Williams – News Editor of The N&O in April 2006. Linda was a flaming whitey-hatin’ racist. She is now “former” News Editor at The N&O but likely still a whitey-hatin’ racist. Does Uncle Jeremiah Wright’s church need a Former News Editor?
Crystal has been a busy little crazy b*tch since Linda and co-conspirator Editor Melanie Sill (oops, Former Editor!) rocketed her to infamy and themselves to Journalistic Ignominity. Since Crystal gave up her Lyin’ About Lacrosse Party ways she has been a regular visitor to Durham’s hoosegow. Every 90 days or so Crystal is hauled in for a litany of stuff crazy b*tches do. Not just your basic soliciting, public urination and such.
In February she beat up Boyfriend A and burned his clothes in the bathtub. Who hasn’t done that? She lost custody of ever how many kids she has now as a result. Last week she stabbed Boyfriend B with a butcha knife. It is a certainty there WILL BE a Boyfriend C …. and D …. and E ….. proving Derm has an inexhaustible supply of crazy sumb*tches to date “crazy b*tches. Everybody has a somebody somewhere. Dontchaknow their E-Harmony profiles are “colorful”?
Crystal tried to write a book.! To most everyone’s shock and dismay that didn’t turn out too well. RATS!
That reference letter from her former employer – Bunny Hole Entertainment – certifying “Back in 2004 Crystal was popular on Thursdays after midnight at the Truck Stop out on the Interstate ….” never opened the doors she expected it too. Go figure?
Her dream of becoming a regular on the talk show circuit was equally ill-fated. She fell in the dreaded Too Much/Not Enuff zone ….. Too crazy for Oprah …. Not crazy enough” for The View.
She auditioned for The Bachelorette but they couldn’t break her habit of calling every contestant “John” and demanding the $5 IN CASH IN ADVANCE.
Performing as Duke’s “She-Devil With/Without A Blue Dress On” had possibilities but Duke’s BOT, unlike UNC’s, doesn’t screw up EVERY decision.
Reading she was an honor student, Dickie Baddour was going to hire her as replacement tutor for Jennifer Wiley …. but Holden finally got to call one his way and kiboshed that one. Having her as guest crazy b*tch at Pro & Perp Day woulda been oh so appropriate in soooo many ways.
My suggestion is still out there. Tommy John is waaay more famous for his namesake elbow surgery than he ever was as a crafty lefthander. Why not Crystal selling her naming rights for the psychotic condition of “crazy b*tch”. ….. Imagine:
Q: “What the heck is wrong with that butt-ugly black woman over yonder screaming and waving that butcha knife?”
A: Oh, her. She got a case o’ “The Crystal”.
BL; Where’s Mikey Nifong? Unconfirmed report – Night Manager of The Biscuitville off Roxboro Road. Has sent his resume to Frau Yow touting he came closer to beating Duke than Sidney did …. at least this year.
We close this DL 5th Anniversary remembrance with the memorable words of yet another former N&O employee (theres Lots of them!) Ruth Sheehan: “BobLee, I really thought exotic dancers danced exotically …”
Say good night Crystal, Linda, Melanie, Ruth, and Mikey.