I don’t know where my mind was on March 13. I must have been deep in thought to have overlooked – The 5th Anniversary of Duke Lacrosse. As Official Never Forgetter For DL I was lax in keeping up with Duke Lax. Whats the proper gift for a disbarred DA and a crazy ho on a 5th Anniversary? …. a brief update.
Friends of Pete Gaudet weep ….. That “other” Duke Men’s BB coach of the past 30+ years has lost his footnote in sports history – details. Krzyzewski #1 and counting.
NOTE: From Day One five years ago I have bashed this absurd media-fueled farce. The participants are real people whose lives were forever changed by events that did/did not take place. The villains, to me, will ALWAYS be “the media” specifically the executive management of The News & Observer who seized this circumstance to push their own self-serving agenda at the expense of Truth and Fairness. …. and have never apologized!
“… honor student and single mother of two” was how we first met Crystal Gale Mangum aka “Ho #1” in the Duke Lacrosse Scandal. That sobriquet was coined by Linda Williams – News Editor of The N&O in April 2006. Linda was a flaming whitey-hatin’ racist. She is now “former” News Editor at The N&O but likely still a whitey-hatin’ racist. Does Uncle Jeremiah Wright’s church need a Former News Editor?
Crystal has been a busy crazy b*tch since Linda and co-conspirator Editor Melanie Sill (oops, Former Editor!) rocketed her to infamy and themselves to Journalistic Ignominity. Since Crystal gave up her Lyin’ About Lacrosse Party ways she has been a regular visitor to Durham’s hoosegow. Every 90 days or so Crystal is hauled in for a litany of stuff crazy b*tches do. Not just your basic soliciting, public urination and such.
In February she beat up Boyfriend A and burned his clothes in the bathtub. Who hasn’t done that! She lost custody of ever how many kids she has now as a result. Last week she stabbed Boyfriend B with a butcha knife. There WILL BE a Boyfriend C …. and D …. and E proving Derm has an inexhaustible supply of crazy sumb*tches to date crazy b*tches. Everybody has a somebody somewhere. Dontchaknow their E-Harmony profiles are colorful?
Crystal tried to write a book! To most everyone’s shock and dismay that didn’t turn out too well. RATS!
That reference letter from her former employer – Bunny Hole Entertainment – certifying “Back in ’05 Crystal was popular on Thursdays after midnight at the Truck Stop out on the Interstate ….” never opened the doors she expected it too. Go figure?
Her dream of becoming a regular on the talk show circuit was equally ill-fated. She fell in the dreaded Too Much/Not Enuff zone ….. Too crazy for Oprah …. Not crazy enough for The View.
She auditioned for The Bachelorette but they couldn’t break her habit of calling every contestant “John” and demanding the $5 IN CASH IN ADVANCE.
Performing as Duke’s “She-Devil With/Without A Blue Dress On” had possibilities but Duke’s BOT, unlike UNC’s, doesn’t screw up EVERY decision.
Reading she was an honor student, Dickie Baddour was going to hire her as replacement tutor for Jennifer Wiley …. but Holden finally got to call one his way and kiboshed that one. Having her as guest crazy b*tch at Pro & Perp Day woulda been oh so appropriate in soooo many ways.
My suggestion is still out there. Tommy John is waaay more famous for his namesake elbow surgery than he ever was as a crafty lefthander. Why not Crystal selling her naming rights for the psychotic condition of “crazy b*tch”. ….. Imagine:
Q: What the heck is wrong with that butt-ugly black woman over yonder screaming and waving that butcha knife?
A: Oh, her. She got a case o’ “The Crystal”.
BL; Where’s Mikey Nifong? Unconfirmed report – Night Manager of The Biscuitville off Roxboro Road. Has sent his resume to Frau Yow touting he came closer to beating Duke than Sidney did …. at least this year.
We close this DL 5th Anniversary remembrance with the memorable words of yet another former N&O employee (theres Lots of them!) Ruth Sheehan: BobLee, I really thought exotic dancers danced exotically.
Say good night Crystal, Linda, Melanie, Ruth, and Mikey.
He’s the Wally Pipp of college basketball. Forever linked to a sports legend at least among those with way too much time on their hands and way too little to remember. Pete “He’ll coach anything” Gaudet. Pete’s similarity to “Luther” from Coach is simply uncanny.
The year was 1995. Depending on one’s partisan allegiance that was the year that:
• Mike Krzyzewski had back surgery
• Mike Krzyzewski was admitted to a Swedish Insane Asylum
• Mike Krzyzewski suffered lockjaw from spewing F-bombs and had to “go away” for a while
• Mike Krzyzewski wanted to see if Pete Gaudet could take a joke, and coach it.
• Mike Krzyzewski joined a cult where men dye their hair really really black
• Mike Krzyzewski attended the Muammar Ghaddafi Leadership Academy
• Mike Krzyzewski ran off with Mama Wojo and had a love child named Steve.
• Mike Krzyzewski hiked The Appalachian Trail with Dick Vitale & Celine Dion
I spent 10 minutes on a UNC board monkey biker bar site. Those are all the “What Coach K REALLY did in 1995s” I could find in ten minutes. I’da stayed longer but my hair was starting to hurt.
Wherever Mike was and whatever he was doing, Pete got his seat at the end of the bench and a slight pay increase from the $4.86/hour he was making before Mike had to go away.
The talent level of that particular Duke team was soooo bad that Kris Lang coulda started. Hellfire maybe even Larry Who II too. (Say that really fast!) Johnny Dawkins was offered the Interim HC job but threatened to sue Duke for “making the black dude take the rap”. Give it to Petey. He’ll coach anything. He did.
Pete chaperoned that bunch o’ stiffs to an abysmal record that only Les Robinson or that whozit now at Wake could endure. That year a Cameron “Crazy” was anyone who stuck around for the second half.
Anywhooo, The NCAA told Mike he didn’t have to count that record “unless someday it helps you break a record or something ….” They won four games without Mike. Five counting the Annual Blue-White Game. GUESS WHAT?
As of last week, Mike Krzyzewski is now #1 with three more Ws than Bobby Knight and is within half a zillion of Pat Summit. With the record now his no matter what, Mike & Micki will fulfill a long time dream ….. have a cheeseburger at Sutton’s Drug Store on Franklin Street.
How would you like to be the NCAA intern that has to track down Pete Gaudet and take back those four Ws? That would be like foreclosing on a homeless guy’s cardboard box. Pete Gaudet was last seen coaching an AAU feeder team for Myron Piggie.
BobLee was this an April Fool joke? No, but Dickie’s Pro & Perp Day sure was. Be sure to read about THAT in that other column.