The Top Five Non-Partisan Sins

    Agent Pierce
    February03/ 2012

    I happened across a panel discussion on TV recently involving various “men of the cloth”. It was on a certain much-maligned cable channel. No one else would dare risk scaring off that high consuming atheist demographic.

    Really, our local flailing fishwrap has tied its revenue recovery to the active development of a subscriberer/advertiser base of Palin-hating atheistic race-card players. Their all-out pursuit of this niche market is entering its second year of plummeting profits. Ain’t capitalism grand!

    So these assembled men of faith were debating how many chapters of Revelations are yet to be revealed prior to The Rapture. The over/under is “two more to go”. Time Magazine naming Lady Gaga among its Top Five People of 2010 checked off three major ones in one fell swoop.

    One of them offered this comment: “As much as people talk about The Ten Commandments and their placement in public buildings …. 97% of our population cannot name more than five of the Commandments”. I thought about that. I think he was being way too optimistic with that 3%.

    After Don’t Kill, Don’t Cuss, and Don’t Covet thy neighbor’s ox nor ass ….. folks start guessing randomly. There is nothing specifically about Las Vegas, rap music, or texting while driving anywhere in Exodus. I checked. “Eating a McRib” is mentioned in a Hip Hopper’s Guide To The Old Testament but neither the Southern Baptist Convention nor The Osmond Family recognizes that.

    NOTE: That third one – “Don’t Covet thy neighbor’s ox nor ass” was NOT just for anyone who lives in Bruce & Kris Jenner’s cul-de-sac.

    Further ammunition in the Ol’ Fuddy Duddy Rules For Partying is a list known as The Seven Deadly Sins. These overlap with Moses’ more famous list. They are Seven Words with no further explanation – Anger – Greed – Sloth – Pride – Lust – Envy – Gluttony.

    The word SALIGIA is the first letter of each of the seven …. in Latin. You’ve never heard that before. Neither had I. Wikepedia says it so it must be so.

    A lot of folks will dwell on the last one – Gluttony – aka “Don’t covet thy neighbors’s chili dog if you’ve already had two!” Claiming you don’t do that hopefully implies you don’t do the others despite solid proof that everyone does …. except for Sloth. Sloth is usually categorized as “those scary people in those People Of Wal-Mart You-Tubes. They are “slothful” for sure.

    There is no moratorium on Sin Lists so I figure I can declare one. These cross-over all ideological aisles despite aggressive efforts by everyone to declare them unique to their ideological / political opponents. Here are:

    AgentPierce’s Top Five Non-partisan Sins.

    Loud ….. whether its raising one’s voice to strident decibel levels or using ALLCAPS in an Internet rant. “Loud” (and its cuzzin – Obnoxious) is practiced without regard for political bent. Monks and nuns with vows of silence can still “go ALLCAPS” if provoked.

    Fat …. “Fat” is a relative condition. A former Size 2 pixie having to shoehorn her dimpled butt into Size 4 jeans considers herself “fat”. Conversely a Jabba The Hut who can’t get off a couch to pick up the Pop-Tart he dropped claims he has “a thyroid issue”. Fat being an addiction to poor dietary and nutrition practices also umbrellas other addictions such as alcohol, drugs, porn and watching Oprah. I don’t know any Conservs who do watch Oprah but I accept that there are some.

    Ugly …. Again relative but, like porn, you know it when you see it. Yes, you see it more prevalent in a place like Liberal Arts faculty meetings but there are a few Tea Party stalwarts I would run from at a spin-the-bottle party. Yes, I’ve seen that well circulated comparison of prominent Conservative women vs Helen Thomas and her ilk. Helen and Theresa Kerry always get mentioned when this one is debated.

    Hateful …. Loud, Fat and Ugly Liberals always try to pin “Hateful” on Conservatives because they “hate” us so very much. Read that sentence again. There are times I WISH I COULD produce as much toxic bile as I’ve had spewed at me by Libs in full Linda Blair pea soup-spitting rage. Regardless, I do “hate” on occasion. Any Conserv who never had an hateful thought about Robert Gibbs, Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid has no soul. Hating Christian Laettner or “President Logan on 24” doesn’t count.

    Stoopid …. This is the “common cold” of non-partisan sins. No matter where you are you can catch this one. Any public meeting or gathering of three or more is a fertile field. Homeowner Associations, School Board Meetings and Op/Ed Depts of newspapers have this in Typhoid Mary levels. The invention of the printing press was a seminal moment …. but the Internet set Stoopidity afire like never before.

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    Agent Pierce

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