Since 1999, my goal has always been – To alter the course of human history with the sheer majesty of my wordsmithing. Alexander The Great Complex is the technical term for it. Politicians measure success in votes. Those who toil in the black arts of Internet communications measure ours in views. But what’s “the point of views” if one loses one’s soul in the process? Deep thoughts on cheerleaders & kittens.
I used to strive here for “unique views”. What could I write about that would create cyber-gridlock. What provocative headlines could I come up with that would cause cats to bark and dogs to purr? I don’t do that any more.
Allowing for the occasional World Class Scandal involving lacrosse players, crazy ho’s, sleazy senators, videographing vixens and arrogant self-absorbed football coaches, delusional fans and spineless fat cats; now I endeavor to write about subjects that I enjoy writing about: To wit – hometowns…. cafeterias…. treehouses & how tall walls….. old coaches and extraordinary ordinary men. Stuff like that.
There IS an audience for such sappy nostalgia stuff. That audience is composed of guys and gals of “the right stuff”. Not all of the same polit-POVs for sure, but all Hail Folks Well-met. Give me a few 1,000s such hardy souls and The Kardashians can have what left over. What does it profit a fellow to achieve “views” but loseth his soul in doing so?
Oh sure, if I were still a slave to Google Analytics and just wanted “unique views”, I could do what so many others do:
(1) lotsa pictures of nubile nekkid wimmen (especially cheerleaders) and
(2) endless YouTubes of kute kittens.
Cheerleaders and kittens are the twin straws that stir the drink of Internet superstardom. May Gawd have mercy on us all Tiny Tim. If anyone can incorporate a nekkid cheerleader w/ a kute kitten into a Hitler YouTube the Internet will totally meltdown.
Be there an alternate path to the Internet’s Valhalla? Eschewing nekkid kittens….. could I scare up a buncha “unique views” with clever enticements related to my specific subject realm.
Might some of these generate a messa “views”? Whatchathink?
>1. An unredacted copy of Butcher’s 216 Phone Records
>2. The Mary Easley & McQueen Campbell Sex Tape
>3. Julius’ missing course synopsis of Swahili For Dummies
>4. Reveal where Ol’ Roy parks his brain before he holds a press conference
>5. New obsessions for disgruntled Wuffs now that AD and Basketball coach are stable for the moment. Is that why God invented Boards of Governors and tenured Swahili professors?
>6. A new security blanket for UNCers now that “The Carolina Way” has been disassembled like a Lexus left overnight next to a crackhouse in the ‘hood.
>7. The identity of the six Duke students who really ARE “from New Jersey” and drive BMWs bought by “daddy”.
>8. The unabridged list of obscenities muttered by Bob Winston, Paul Fulton and Don Stallings upon hearing the phrase “That guy BobLee with the website”.
>9. Out the two UNC BOG members with a clue where Elizabeth City is and/or can spell Cullowhee. And the 21 UNC BOG members who admit they couldn’t care less……
>10. Where Tom Ross buys his empty suits. It’s NOT Jos A Banks!
>11. The YouTube from the ONE time Dickie Baddour actually visited the Kenan FB Center during Butcher’s 4-year tenure. It was in July 2007. It was raining and he needed to tinkle. Butcher wasn’t there. He was playing golf at Quail Hollow CC.
>12. A video of Joe Biden trying in vain to find his butt with both hands.
>13. The last recorded picture of Holden Thorp smiling. He was Director of the Morehead Planetarium. It was during a lunar eclipse.
>14. Hannah Gage’s lecture notes on: “Leading From The Fetal Position – My Reign as UNC BOG Chairchick” ”.
>15. The four curriculum paths at UNCCH that might actually lead to “getting a real job doing something.”
>16. The thirty-six curriculum paths at Wake Tech Community College that actually DO lead to “getting a real job doing something”.
>17. Results of the Poll: Greatest Impact on Carolina Football – Choo Choo Or Marvin ??
>18. The screenplay for the next Indiana Jones’ movie – Indiana Jones & The Search for A Democrat who will admit “Damn right, we’re upset as Hell about losing Wisconsin. Screw the unions and screw the jug-eared commie. Somebody call Hillary.”
>19. That one Wuffie who really has had sex with a domesticated farm animal….. and bragged about it.
>20. A sketch artist guess of what Jennifer Wiley looks like.
>21. The nine members of PackPride / InsideCarolina that do not live in mamma’s basement or “in a van down by the river”.
OK… there should be enough in that list of topical train wrecks to lure in, and/or upset pretty much everyone.
If not, do you have the e-mail address of any partially clad cheerleaders who like kittens?