Bye Week @ The Wally

    BobLee
    September15/ 2013

    It was Bye Week for the two primary juggernauts in our little 28-mile wide mini-universe known as “around here”.   I hear there was some excitement elsewhere but who really cares about backwater where’sitzits like College Station, Austin, et al.  I mean really….. a fist fight in Vegas, pennant races get dicey, NASCAR makes up rules, and a Manning Family get-together in New Jersey…. yawn.

    As noted, I went over to The Wally with two buddies – a local real estate mogul and My Homie Will.   About 16-17,000 others were there too along with the usual 30,000 empty seats and the 48 members of Duke’s Mighty Marching Several Dozen.

    Duke is coming off  “it’s first bowl since……”.  Duke was 2-0 for 2013.  The opponent was long time ACC comparable rival GaTech.   It was a quite pleasant early Fall afternoon.  Both local juggernauts were idle plus David Cutcliffe is a very nice man.

    Darn good thing ALL those elements were in place or the turn-out mighta been smaller than a Bully Barber Monday mini-Mob.  AgentPierce made me say that.

    I was asked my opinion on the planned renovation of The Wally.   I never have to be asked twice for my opinion or even “asked” once for that matter.  I outlined the following to The Durham Sports Club last Spring.   It received a Standing O as I recall.

    I would demolish the whole kit ‘n kaboodle except for (1) Wally Wade’s bust by the main gate….. (2) those incredible restrooms w/ the valet attendants with the warm towels…… and (3) the playing field itself which is as good or better than either Kenan or The Carter.

    Take a bunch of pictures for every Iron Duke who can prove he was “at that Rose Bowl game after Pearl Harbor” then bring in bulldozers and dynamite and blow it to smithereens.   KABOOM!

    Replace it with Cameron OUTDOOR Stadium (clever name, huh?) with no more than 35,000 seats max…. all comfortable stadium seats except for a standing room only area for the 648 Duke undergrads who grew up with American-style Football in their native country.

    With the Leroy Walker / Al Buehler Memorial Track removed, put the 35,000 seats as close to the sidelines as possible.  Create “a pit” atmosphere where visiting teams can easily be pelted with hot pennies and/or those pointy Ninja star-things.   No Dukie would dare throw such things but it will keep visitors nervous.  Actually Duke faculty might if they think the visiting teams are Republicans or Christians or American Military or…….

    ANY college stadium in America that even thinks about “adding seats” is a prime candidate to buy all those telephone booths, floppy discs and Elect John McCain bumperstickers no one knows what to do with.

    Regardless, Duke will still never draw more than 20,000 except every other year for Carolina and once every ten years when State comes to The Wally.  Maybe get to 21,500 if they schedule a home/home with ECU like they should do.

    With all 35,000 seats between the end zones, the 15,000 “die-hards” will all have good seats instead of 5,000 of’em stuck in the stoopid horseshoe off in downtown Creedmoor.   Do those folks never realize they could easily move to the 50 anytime?   I thought Dukies were suppose to be “smart” like Bully Barber?   Pierce made me say that too.

    The worse thing that ever happened to Duke (not named Cory Maggette) in the past fifty years has been Stanford’s emergence as a real juggernaut and now Vanderbilt being “pretty good”.   It’s like your 3rd cousin Mildred winning the lottery so you use the kids college fund to buy 10,000 tickets for Grand Lotto or whatever those stoopid giant pay-outs are called.   Enough Dukies think “if Stanford and Vandy…. why not us”.

    What about THE slowest concession stands in North America?   Duke only contracts with area churches and charities who are functionally illiterate and incapable of making change for a five on a four dollar purchase.   “Getting a funnel cake at The Wally” takes more patience and fortitude than training for an IronMan.

    I say “keep the slooooow concession stands” so I won’t ever be tempted to try and get another funnel cake at The Wally.

    Build the above Duke “and they will come”.   Not very many of “they” will ever come, but those who will, will enjoy the experience much better than now.

    Or Duke could go the ECU route – have their fans go Aaaarrrghhh and bring in a lot of sorta kinda skanky little gals wearing cowgirl boots.   From what I observed in the student section they’re starting from scratch if they go that route.   Chinese girls with 200 IQs do not wear cowgirl boots.   Who knew?

    ***

    Meanwhile in College Station:  Alabama fans are happy they “got Revenge” and ESPN and FoxSports1 are happy that Johnny did enough miracles to dominate “sports talk” until Tim Tebow marries Miley Cyrus.  A Win-Win for everyone except anyone with a functioning brain.

    ***

    Meanwhile over in Austin:  Bless his heart.   Ol’ Mack looked “like The Wicked Witch caught in a rainstorm”.  He was actually melting on screen.   Carolina die-hards who still hate Mack for “lyin’ to dem boys” 15 years ago might be happy.  ANY reason for Carolina die-hards to “be happy” right now is a good one.

    BobLee PREDICTS:  Larry Fedora WILL be among the Top Fifteen Or So mentioned every day from now on to replace Mack but it won’t even get to an interview just as that Tennessee rumor never got to an interview.   Deloss Dodd will send a blank check to Boise along with twelve nubile cheerleaders, eight oil wells, and two G-550s for Chris Peterson.   The thus far elusive Chris Peterson WILL finally say By By Boise and go “Big Time”.

    Sure, crazy lunatic teasippers will have Bill Bellichek and Nick Saban at the top of their list like lunatic everywhere always do.   Unlike some schools “Rick Barnes will not be contacted” since he’s already there.

    ***

    Some of you did not read that silly Dickie interview I linked in that last column.   You really should.  When asked by some Durham Herald-Sun reporter-dweeb “In retrospect, what could you have done to prevent or lessen all this mess?”.  Dickie actually replied contemptibly – “Gee, I dunno.”  Clueless to the end.  He truly has no idea and some folks say I’ve “been too rough on the little fella……”

    Oh, the last few reader comments on that Stillwater column were VERY VERY GOOD!  Check’em out.

    ***

    A trip to stately regal and lofty Vaughn Towers this Thursday for Dabo At The Carter.   Then an interview with UNC Def Coor Vic Koenning on Good Sports Sat morning at 10 AM.  Vic assures me he has never set foot in Stillwater.

    ***

    Want MORE MORE  re: Stillwater et al ……  my Chapelboro column on “INCOMING” !

    That AgentPierce piece on the American Tobacco Trail has already gone viral.  Its AWESOME!  His line “…. Shark?  What shark?” is wiping out keyboards by the 100s.

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    BobLee

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