The Suite Life and…..

    BobLee
    October23/ 2013

    Last Saturday I completed my BobLee Does “The VIP Enclaves” tour of regional stadiums and I have my report to submit…. including a grim reality re: Kenan’s Infamous The Blue Zone. ….. and what do Philip Rivers and Adrian Peterson have in common? ……

    The term “fat cats” is a universally accepted term of derision used in the rock’em sock’em cyber world where snot-noses and 45 y/o little league right-fielders play with each other 24/7 while avoiding meaningful contribution to society.  I’ll use it for simplicity sake.

    Snot-noses and 45 y/o little league right-fielders make up the overwhelming majority of….. taa daa….. “board monkeys”.   I have encountered a few “fat cat board monkeys” but they are a rare breed.   There are only 24 hrs in a day so one must decide to “achieve” or “be a board monkey”….. it’s an either/or.

    “Fat cats” are that portion of a college’s sports fan base that finance Big Time Sports making it possible for the snot-noses to have something to grasp for their vicarious illusion of “success at something”.   A “fat cat” is anyone who appears to have some element of “success” that a snot-nose does not.   I will venture to say that every regular reader of this website is “a fat cat” to a portion of your fan base of choice.  Relax, you are in the company of a lot of very fine folks.

    Last Saturday was our annual pilgrimage to the 5th Fl of Deacon Towers @ BB&T Field….. where the mysterious Moricles dwell.   This ranks in Blondie and my Top Five annual “things we do” along with Christmas, Thanksgiving @ The Angus Barn, and our two Retreats To Da Beach.   Grobe’s Deacs have NEVER lost when we were in attendance so; our arrival always receives a warm welcome by Deacon hierarchy.

    Our mission to meet ALL the nice people on Earth is never-ending but “our Wake Forest friends” set the hospitality bar mighty high for the rest of civilization to measure up to.  This year there was an even more specialier treat awaiting us:  a Duke eye-surgeon and charming Mrs. from freakin’ Ohio.  HOLY SMOKES!  Let the snot noses play with THAT stereotype.   Yes….. they continue my very long list of very nice Duke people I know who are (1) not Jewish and (2) not from New Jersey.

    So we nibbled caviar, sipped Dom P and watched the Deacs dismantle the Terps in the sumptuous luxury of “a fat cat aviary”.   Yes…. as with Vaughn Towers, Deacon Towers also has a special hologram in its windows that projects “that yellow first-down line” on the field far below.   The Blue Zone needs to get that.

    So having visited all three regional VIP enclaves this season (Blue Zone – Vaughn & Deacon Towers) I made a startling revelation.  (1) Being an Internet smart aleck has its perks….. (2) Fans “who have something to live for” and a sense of perspective are all pretty much alike….. and (3) The Blue Zone will ALWAYS be a target for cheapshots by rival snot-nose mobs because…..

    With Vaughn & Deacon Towers (and Duke’s mini-version) the outdoor visible seating is really not visible within the stadium or by TV’s all-seeing eye.   Every VIP area has outdoor seating for those who prefer that ambiance but when the VIP area is along the sidelines, those areas are obscured under upper decks, press boxes, etc.  The untermensch mob has no idea whats going on “there”.

    With sweltering September games or in cold, rainy games, normal functioning humans retreat to the most comfortable areas available to them.   “Suite people” have those options…. not only “climate-controlled” but endless buffetts that put Golden Corrall to shame and beaucoups of HD flat-screens…. and clean restrooms without long lines…. and WITH paper towels after the first quarter.

    Except with The Blue Zone.  There the outdoor seating is not only visible…. it sticks out like Quasimodo’s hump.  Hump?  What hump?  The ticket-holders of those glaringly empty seats are in-stadium but hidden from the beady-eyes of the untermensch by reflective glass.  The same reflective glass used at Carter & BB&T.   And the empty blue seats make perfect board monkey fodder….. it will forever and always be so.

    Rival snot-noses are like snapping turtles.  Once they bite down, they never let go…… think “amphibious” and “Washburn’s SAT” as long-standing examples of this phenomenon.   The empty seats in TBZ will always draw snot from rival snot-noses.  A high % of those visible seats will usually be empty with the ticketed occupants “behind the glass”.

    The East End Zone was the only logically illogical place to put The Blue Zone.  Blow up Morris Mason’s Alamo and drag Ye Olde Kenan into the modern era of VIP amenities for them what opts to shell out for’em.   Selling “the end zone viewing perspective” was a fascinating exercise in “PT Barnum marketing”.   In truth, the promise of “clean restrooms with a never-ending supply of paper towels” probably sold more Blue Zone seats than “forget the 50….. the end zone is where real fans want to be!”

    The Blue Zone is a very very fine amenity.  It is a bit more spacious than either Vaughn or Deacon Tower…. because it is the newest and benefitted from the other two designs.   The BZ staff is incredibly nice and welcoming….. as are the staffs at Vaughn & Deacon.

    If you ever finagle an invite to any of these areas, take it.   Maybe you will see me there.   If so…. come up, say hi, and tell me “I love your columns even though I don’t always agree with you.”   I get that a lot.  I don’t mind at all.

    NOTE:  That part up above about “caviar and Dom P” is bogus….. but the “yellow line hologram” IS true.   Really…. ☺

    +++++

    Q:  So what do Philip Rivers and Adrian Peterson have in common?

    A:  Both NFLers have fathered at least SIX children.   Philip’s have all been duly recorded and in conjugal partnership with his high school sweetheart / one wife.   To whom he was married to for over a year prior to the birth of child #1.   Gee PR, how old-fashioned.

    Adrian’s count is “at least six, possibly seven” and with six possibly seven assorted cocktail waitresses and groupies in what is described as “sexual encounters of brief duration”.   The 2 y/o recently killed by the “angry boyfriend” of one of the briefly-encountered waitresses was only linked to Adrian four months prior to the child’s brutal murder.  Peterson never saw the child until the child was dying…… The entire NFL community stopped Pink Month long enough to give Peterson a big ol’ collective compassionate hug for his loss.

    In case you are wondering, there are AT LEAST five other current / former NFLers and NBAers with a longer indiscriminate sperm trail than Adrian Peterson.  Apparently one does not even make the baby-daddy radar until one has at least five.

    What an unfortunate mis-use of the term “daddy”.

    +++++

    Rough weekend to be a Muschamp or a Dabo, huh?   Bring Back Danny Ford signs up again in The Upstate.

    Good Weekend AGAIN for Show-Me Staters !!  Mizzou Tigers DOMINATE the vaunted SEC at least for now.   Cardinals Are The Cardinals…. and The KC Chiefs DOMINATE The NFL at least for now ….. Holy Hank Stram, Batman!

    BobLee

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