The Next Endangered Species might be….

    Agent Pierce
    January28/ 2014

    Move over Spotted Owl and Snail Darter. And you too California Condor. There’s about to be a brand new Endangered Species, at least over in Chapel Hill.

    I read BobLeeSays like most well-informed Americans do and, of course, I read CarolinaPlottHound like all of you do…. right? I have come to the conclusion that the next Endangered Species (in Chapel Hill) will be – The Literate Caucasian Heterosexual.….

    7.68 billion Chinese know about Mary Whistleblower and all the fuss about whether some/all/most Tar Heel gridders and cagers read at the 4th or 5th grade level. Some say 4th. Others adamantly say 5th; or even 6th, Some looney toon claiming to be the UNC Student Body Prez swears the erudition level of all UNC student-athletes is exemplary. Yeah, right Mr Pretentious Pretend Prezzy.

    Whatever….. it has sent The Flagship into a perfect storm of eternal controversy. I’m going to catch hell for this (like THAT will be anything new!) but I’m simply reporting “the news”. You decide your POV.

    In addition to the Great Unpleasantness, there are two other UNC-CH stories aflying. One made the NYTimes about Emilio wanting to be the next UNC Student Body President. Emilio is (1) Latino, (2) Undocumented and (3) Gay. Probably a good kid BUT whats being exploited is – The Franklin Street Trifecta.

    If he claims to be a Warlock he wins by acclaimation. Being “a Druid” might do it, but Warlock or maybe “Zombie” would make it a lock. Undocumented & Undead Gay Warlock. Would you want to run against one of those?

    Its UNCCH and ALL THAT MATTERS is accumulating Diversity Points. They have been locked-in to “It’s Diversity, Stupid” for well over a decade now. Accumulate points however one can, but a high diversity score trumps all else over there.

    With all THAT going for him Emilio could even be a registered Republican and still win “over there”. OK, maybe not.

    There’s more. Another UNC “person” is “a cisgender” something. This article debunks everything I learned in 10th grade Biology…. and The King James Version and Darwin’s Origin of The Species too. Were there a pair of cisgenders on Noah’s Ark?

    I admit to zero clue what a “cisgender” might be. Is there a Worldwide Clearinghouse that approves these endless human sexual permutations. I figured out the Lesbian Sisters of Sappho but am still not clear on “bi” and “trans”. Which one “nips & tucks”?

    If a “bi” and a “trans” mate is their offspring a “cisgender”? What color do they paint the baby’s room?

    Remember TV’s Ben Casey? It opened with Dr Zorba drawing five symbols on a backboard….. Man – Woman – Birth – Death – Infinity. That was 50 years ago. Now there are more genders in Chapel Hill than Mendelson had varieties of peas. “Cisgender”??

    At most schools you declare your “major”. Over at Chapel Hill you can declare your “gender” too. If you don’t care for the dozens they already have, just make up a new one of your very own. Like a Mr PotatoHead. Stick anything anywhere until it’s “You”. Between genders, religious sects and fanatical political “cells” the permutations of combinations are in the millions. How cool is that!

    After three semesters no one “back home” will recognize you. By your senior year you won’t even recall what you were after just three semesters. It’s like Hansel & Gretel. Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or you may take a wrong turn down a Carrboro backstreet, carve the word “Cisgender” on a tree (instead of “Croatan”) and even you won’t be able to find you ever again.

    I swear I saw a 72-year old Janice Joplin eating a pepperoni pizza with Amelia Earhart at Brixx’s a few years ago. Like socks in a dryer. Some just vanish, never seen again.

    Maybe we’re back to Greek Mythology with Centaurs and Minotaurs?
    Will the Brd of Governors have to have special dorms for cisgenders too?
    Do “cisgenders” live on The Island of Dr Moreau?
    Was Rosemary’s Baby a “cisgender”?

    Does anyone have contacts in the NCSU Veterinary School that can define “cisgender”?

    Last Spring I took a walking tour of the UNCCH campus and noted a decided lack of testosterone in the environs. What I assumed were “boys” had a Beiber-esque manner to them. I saw more people wearing “I Love Coach K” t-shirts than I did the stereotype Carolina frat boys.

    My observations did not set well with old Carolina frat boys from the 70-80s who kid themselves that “things are the same as they ever was” over there. Suuuuure they are…. and JR “could Reid” too. And Dean Smith was born in a manger too.

    At UNC in 2014; it’s the heteros that stay in the closet for fear of harassment. Turnabout is fair play I suppose.

    Back in the 60s there were so few coeds at UNC that girls were “bussed in” from WC and Meredith and Peace for weekend dates. Do the hetero coeds at UNC “bus in” old-fashioned “boys”? Do they get’em from Ft Bragg and Camp Lejeune? Hellfire, maybe I’m naively assuming there are enough hetero coeds at UNC to make that an issue.

    I can recall just a year or so ago when Haley Koch the pepper-sprayed Morehead Scholar turned hard-core porn queen seemed a tad aberrant. Haley would be “square” by comparison these days.

    ***
    NOTE: BobLee suggested I insert this one little sentence. BL says it will guarantee me 5,000 extra views. WOW! BobLee KNOWS this stuff. So if he says so, here’s goes:
    “A prominent NCSU alumnus said PackPride people’s feet stink. ”
    ***

    Again. I am NOT making value judgments here. I’m making observations.
    You draw whatever conclusions you choose to. Conclusions and genders…. there are dozens to choose from here.

    How long before UNC makes it mandatory that boys room with girls to REDUCE the amount of sexual hi-jinks? Holy Old East Batman!…..

    Like T-Rex and Wooly Mammoths, one day there just won’t be any more Literate Caucasian Heteros… at least not in Chapel Hill. Future generations will see them only in old history books.

    Kind of explains why the NC General Assembly expresses concern that The Flagship might be adrift in a confusing sea. ….. When BullyBarber needs “extras” for his mini-mobs, is it any wonder he simply drags a net down Franklin Street?

    Aye Zigga Zoomba and Lalapalooza to you too.

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    Agent Pierce

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