Annual Rite of Spring “commences”

    Agent Pierce
    May06/ 2014

    Sure, there are the azaleas and dogwoods and The Masters. But nothing heralds the Season of Rebirth quite like angry mini-mobs of self-righteous snot-nosed students fueled by spittle-spewing faculty nutjobs exerting their iron-fisted control over High Academia….. Freedom Of Speech Be Damned!

    It’s not officially “Spring” until we have the annual Commencement Speech Wars.

    I take comfort in the “you can always count ons” in Life. Attend a college football game: Every time a defensive back knocks down a pass, you can count-on some leather-lunged goober screaming “PASS INTERFERENCE”. Attend a baseball game: Every time a pitcher bluffs a throw towards a runner on 2nd or 3rd, you can count on that same leather-lunged goober screaming “BALK”.

    Within the first week of February every year, you can count on some well-intended dim-bulb snorting Why isn’t there a White History Month?”

    Here’s a sure bet. Criticize Barack Obama, or his sidekick Eric Holder, about ANYTHING; and you can count-on being called “a racist” before you can say “God Bless Rosa Parks”. Or you can simply include “I’m a” and “Conservative” in the same sentence and be called “a racist” too.

    What are 3-4 of your personal favorite “always count ons….”.

    Going on now for 2-3 decades we can “always count on” the annual Commencement Speech Wars. These vicious little tempests in academic teapots can pop up anywhere there is a graduation ceremony. I’ve read about them at pre-school ceremonies. The ones that get the most above-the-fold attention are usually at uber-liberal cesspools of rampant hypocrisy – Liberal Arts Colleges.

    “Students with real lives” (aka “the cool kids”) have spent four years on campus effectively ignoring the incessant whining of the odious nitwit faction. So long as the odious nitwits don’t block entry to somewhere anyone actually wants to get to – a bar, a favorite pizza joint, the arena / stadium, or Greek Town – who cares what they are whining about. The cool kids quickly learn to ignore the odious whiney nitwits….. and the quite constipated tenured anarchists (aka “faculty nutjobs”) who incite the odious nitwits.

    “Cool kids” read the campus newspaper for (1) the crossword puzzle and (2) rumors about the FB / BkB coach being fired. Screeds about “global warming” and “free abortions for gays, bi’s, and tranys” is so much white noise. The only campus activity of less relevance than odious nitwits screeds is “student government”…… aka “intra-murals for nerds”.

    …… then comes “graduation” and the odious nitwits get one last chance to give a wedgie to the cool kids via The Commencement Speaker!

    Commencement Speeches rank along with “teats on a bull” and The Bravo Channel as “stuff we could do away with and be better of”. Their ONLY purpose is for campus jackasses to further embarrassment the institution.

    Surely you’ve heard about This Year’s National Commencement Speaker Brouhaha….. at Rutgers. Condi Rice, with a containership full of academic credentials, was formally invited by Rutgers officials.

    Every university has some sort of “pick a commencement speaker” committee comprised of the usual diverse collection of assorted sideshow freaks plus one hetero coed and one white jock (if the school has one of either). Rutgers’ committee selected Condi Rice. Condi agreed at an honorarium consistent with national figures of her level.

    Then….. Ta Daa…. Rutgers’ odious nitwit faction fueled by their angry anarchists did what they always do….. created a “stink”. Such stinks always grab media attention unless Donald Sterling says something, in which case no one really cares about Rutgers’ Commencement Speaker. This brouhaha beat “Donald Sterling said” by 24 hours.

    NOTE: On a campus of 45,000; a group of “about 50” odious nitwits protested Rice’s invitation and brought national embarrassment to the university.

    You know by now that Condi Rice politely un-accepted the invitation in order to not be a disruption to the students’ graduation experience. Noble on Condi’s part albeit a victory for the odious nitwits and angry anarchists.

    A Commencement Speech is supposed to be a 10-15 minute pre-real life entreaty to “now go forth and amount to something”. In the very rare instances when Conservatives do give’em, that’s what they are.

    When beady-eyed spittle-spewing liberal nutjobs give’em, they become long-winded Fidel Castro-esque harangues dripping invectives and profanities containing silly references to (1) saving polar bears and (2) hating Christianity, heterosexuals and FoxNews.

    I wince over the annual Commencement Speech Wars. They are fingers on a blackboard in their inanity.

    Replace ALL Commencement Speechs with cute kitten videos on the school’s jumbo-tron.

    Agent Pierce

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