Monday Is Now Wednesday on Jones Street

    Agent Pierce
    April30/ 2015

    That self-appointed Foghorn Of The People – The Reverend William “Bully Billy” Barber is baaaaackkk at The NC General Assembly!  No one can be happier to see His Bulliness than a certain beleaguered and much maligned sinister cabal of heretofore-anonymous “Eddie Haskell” Republicans.

    While Baltimore burns, The NFL drafts, Floyd fights Manny and UNC lingers in limbo; we check-in with The not-so Honorables and Bully Billy.

    Someone asked me once why I always refer to “Jones Street”.   Jones Street is where the North Carolina General Assembly is located in downtown Raleigh.  It is also the location of a Sabrette hot dog stand.  If you complain about state politics you really should have a clue about The General Assembly.

    Moral Monday is no more.  For reasons not yet revealed, “Bully Billy” Barber has moved his carnival sideshow to Wednesdays this Spring.  Did Bully’s media sponsors – Jim Goodmon’s WRAL and McClatchy’s N&O – suggest the move or was it divinely inspired?

    “The Self-annointed Foghorn Of The People” !!!  I really like that term.  Expect to see it a lot when referring to Bully Barber.  Bully Barber & His Gang o’ Misfit Ministers….

    At issue now is an alliterative “W” word to identify this Spring’s Wednesday shenanigans.   Alliteration (using same-sound words) has always been a hallmark of Bully Barber’s Hoot ‘n Hate.   (NOTE: Alliterative use of the letter “H” as well as the letter “B” in Bully Billy Barber….. ☺).

    When one depends so heavily on mini-mob chants as Bully does, melodic sounds are important.  Those of you who have never orchestrated a mini-mob might not appreciate these nuances.  Trust me.  They are essential to a successful shenanigan.

    I know what you are wondering….. how many scraggly old hippies, deranged street people and “members of the radical left-wing clergy” were on-hand yesterday?   McClatchy’s failing newspaper – The News & Observer – claims “….. drew a crowd of almost 370.”   THAT is a very unusual way to describe the size of a mini-mob.   Do they mean 369 or 362 or 358?   “370” is an unusual eyeballing benchmark.

    Apparently Jim Goodmon’s toadie – Peter “The Logistical Expert” Anlyan – was not on-hand for this one.   Peter will be forever remembered for his “at least 80,000” foolishness for one of Bully’s events two year’s ago.  Peter would NEVER lowball to “almost 370”.

    If we use “almost 370” as our base, we should assume that includes numerous employees of the afore-mentioned media sponsors of the event – Jim Goodmon’s WRAL and McClatchy’s N&O.

    The N&O recently announced more downsizing due to yet another disappointing revenue quarter so their contributions to this year’s mini-mobs may be less than in past years.

    Not so with Goodmon’s Gang.  Jim still has aplenty of Uncle AJ’s trust fund to spend on his personal mission to destroy everyone in North Carolina who does not agree with his and his wife’s radical politics.   The Goodmon Gang was well represented among Bully Barber’s mob.  Goodmon Dumpster-diving diva Laura Leslie was on-hand enjoying a smoke beside (Taa-Daa) “a dumpster” as Bully ranted and raged…..

    This particular mob had a definite clerical flair to it.   Bully rounded up a few dozen of his fellow ecclesiastical extremists and had them dress up in their Sunday best for the photo-op.   This is a ploy Bully has used in previous wing-dings.   Bully figures, and he is probably correct, that some people will actually think these costumed clerics are “real ministers and she-ministers”.   They aren’t.

    Bully’s gang o’ carny-preachers are so far out they would make a Druid blush.

    Our favorites from last season were “Reverend Rubye” and “Pastor Gabby”.   In reality these are wacky street preachers and habituates of store-front tabernacles.   Remember Flip Wilson’s “Reverend Leroy of The Church of The Whats Happen’ Now”.

    NOTE:  It was NEVER confirmed that it was Rubye and Gabby who were “dry humpin’ over in the corner” after Bully’s gang took over Thom Tillis’ office last year.  Nor was it ever denied.

    Two years ago; I, your humble provocateur, referred to these shindigs as “job fairs for wanna-bee ministers of non-traditional sexual orientations”.   That got a lot of pass-alongs.   Apparently most of those same ministers are still in the job market.   If you are looking for someone to marry three billy goats or two devil-worshipping midgets or a bearded lady and her pet turtle, you might check with Bully Barber’s ministerial menagerie.

    So anywhoo, Bully has now moved his Hoot ‘n Hates to Wednesday.  If you have a suggestion for an alliterative adjective to go with Wednesday, send your suggestion to:  Bully Barber % Capital Broadcasting Co. or let me know and I’ll be sure that Bully sees it.

    I noted up top that one group of “Jones Street Honorables” is probably glad to see Bully’s gang this year.   No, I don’t mean those “large ladies in their church hats” a/k/a the Democrat Black Caucus (Plus Grier Martin and Josh Stein).   Do you think Grier and Josh wear church hats too when they meet with their Black Caucus?

    No, the bunch glad to see Bully this Spring are the Much Maligned Cabal of House Republicans pursuing personal agendas.   If you read Carolina PlottHound and/or Daily Haymaker and/or Lady Liberty and/or Civitas and/or Carolina Journal you know who these “Eddie Haskells” are.

    Many of you do read those fine websites….. MANY more than the “Eddie Haskells” would like to believe.  Plus, LOTS and LOTS of their fellow pols and staff in the General Assembly read “us”.

    I call them “Eddie Haskells” because, like Beaver Cleaver’s smarmy pal, they pretend to be all nice and polite while up to no good behind the scenes.

    Politics (and politicians) is as much about Character as it is Ideology.   These Bad Boyz are primarily in the NC House.   They ran for election as nice, washed-in-the-blood Conservatives but are behaving “otherwise”.

    I don’t get into the “nuances” of legislation because I am not sure what a “nuance” is.  I rely on my pundit pals to tell me what I need to know.   They unanimously tell me we’ve got some “bad boyz” in the Repub caucus of The NC House.   That’s a shame but I’m not surprised.

    If you have been impressed with the “leadership” of The NC House so far, then it doesn’t take much to impress you….. or you are directly related to Tim Moore, Nelson Dollar, et al.   Maybe they will “get better”.  Maybe they won’t.

    At least one of the “Eddie Haskells” – Kelly Hastings (“R” from Gaston County) – is barking back at his critics on social media.

    “DON”T PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE BLOGS” yells Kelly.   So, of course, curiosity sends people to “those blogs”.  Bwahahahaha….. THAT is a really really stoopid thing to do.   No clue what “consultant” suggested Kelly do that but it is political suicide…. which, of course, means great column fodder for folks like me.

    Don’t Forget:  Send in those suggestions for Bully’s Wednesday sideshow name.  We hope to get “at least about 370” suggestions.

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    Agent Pierce

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