ESPN has OVER 40 “Vice President ofs” !!!!

    ESPN
    BobLee
    June28/ 2015

    ESPN has over 40 executives with “Vice President of” in their official titles.  Just typing today’s title sent cold chills all over my very un-corporate body.

    The hallways at ESPN’s Bristol Connecticut World HQ must have more booby-traps  than those Viet Cong tunnels along the Ho Chi Minh Trail. More backstabbing must go on around there every day than in the palace courtyards of Versailles during the reigns of all those Louis’.  I can imagine a “meat wagon” pulling up to the loading dock at 5:30 every Friday to haul off the carcasses of the “too trusting” ….. “too naïve” or just unlucky.

    Sorry VP Whozit but the overnight “cumulatives” for your Bombastic Babblers ‘R Us dropped 2 pts in the all-important “single digit IQ” demographics. “Big Bossman” Skipper says we gotta make a change. Here’s a cardboard box for those pictures of wife, kids and Chocolate Lab named Scotty. You got twelve minutes to clear out. Gus here will escort you (1) out of the building, (2) off the campus and (3) out of Connecticutt. ….. even “think about” walking outta here with your Official ESPN iPad and Gus will break your thumbs. …… Next?

    Over 40 VPs almost makes UNC’s Board of 32 Governors seem feasible. I said “almost”. I’ve never visited the ESPN “campus” but it must challenge the architects to build administrative fiefdoms with that many “corner offices”.

    This week their competitor FoxSports1 announced it is “belt-tightening”. That is corporate-speak for losing $$$$ hand over fist. Everyone below Sr VP level or who is not “a special favorite of” (wink, wink) a Sr VP is “on the bubble”.

    Has ANYONE watched more than 90 cumulative minutes of FoxSports1 in the year or so it has existed? FS1’s “flagship show” is a oh-so-not-clever Sportscenter knock-off with two jamoocks from Canada – Jay & Dan.

    “The tall one” / Jay (I think) – is “that guy” in every office who makes a jackass of himself at every office party. He makes Duffin-Mifflin’s Dwight Schute likeable by comparison. I watched these two the first week FS1 was on a few years ago. They made me uncomfortable. I decided I’ll give’em a few months then check back….. they had gotten less good.Katie Nolan FoxSports

    FS1 “star” is a potty-mouth gal named Katie Nolan whose appeal must be to “all the Micks down at Tubby’s Pool Room in Revere”. Katie goal to go an entire year without washing her hair or applying make-up is in its 8th month.   I picture Katie rolling drunks in back alleys with Hope Solo.

    I did not keep count but I do believe EVERY show concept FS1 launched with was scuttled within the first three months. All the ones starring Regis Philbin and former Albanian Rugby players were, I’m sure.

    IF Fox’s purpose had been do comic parodies of ESPN shows that might have worked. Every idiot brother-in-law can “do Stephen A” and “Skip” doing their imitations of Howard Cosell and Jim Rome. But FS1 was playing it straight. Unbelievable.

    I used to watch Mike & Mike for 30-45 minutes in the morning with my coffee. I still think those two guys are “real” and would be nice neighbors. Haven’t tuned’em in in three months. Read where some ESPN VP was bringing in a bimbo as a 3rd wheel on M&M’s show. Still going after that all-important “single digit IQ” demographic apparently.

    During the NBA Playoffs, I did not watch a single ESPN talk show about Last Night’s or Tomorrow Night’s games. OK, I also did not watch a 1st, 2nd or 3d quarter of any NBA Playoff game either. Does anyone?

    Has the NBA Draft been held yet? Hell, has the NFL Draft been held yet.? What color Jr-Sr Prom Day-Glo tuxs did the first ten picks wearAdam Silver?

    Am I the only one who thinks new NBA Commissioner Adam Silver looks like he should either be maitre’d of the Star Wars Cantina or Uncle Fester’s cousin?  Bud Selig was a dead ringer for The Simpson’s “Mr Burns” now we have this guy.

    Frank Caliendo….. THE ONE guy worth DVRing on any “sports network” is Frank Caliendo. He is an AWESOME TALENT.  Frank can “do” all the other over-the-top personalities in sports broadcasting better than the originals.

    …. I do “get” the bizness. Art and I do our own local yokel version of “it” with The Good Sports. Create an on-air persona you can live with and hope a double-digit audience can “live with it” too. Go over-the-top with the persona if “the suits” tell you to or if you like juggling hand grenades.

    The target “demos” in most every case are Board Monkeys. Suck those brain dead rubes in with “Your favorite team’s feet stink” diatribes. Take’em right to the edge of the cliff but stop just before they gather in the parking lot and start lobbing Molotov cocktails onto the studio roof.

    FoxSports belt-tightening may be scary for our pal Pinecrest’s Kristin Balboni who left ESPN for Fox six months ago. KB is enough of a bottom-line bargain she may have her own show when the smoke clears. I hope so.

    You may have noticed since Lord knows I’ve told you often enough that ESPN Honcho One a/k/a John “Big Bossman” Skipper (UNC’75) is on a Super Duper Politically Correct binge the past year. John didn’t get that way growing up in Lexington. Maybe it was those twenty years he worked with Rolling Stone….. ya think?  You just know Skipper’s 40 VPs are quite a “diverse” bunch containing every known species and multiple hybrids.

    Skipper has 24 mind-numbing hours to fill every day on 6-7 different “platforms”. That is a lot of blow-dried goobers flapping their pie holes about “sports”.

    Remember “the pre-ESPN days” when Sports was a 10-minute bit After The Weather Guy at 6 and 11. Those 10 minutes are still all it takes to tell you all you need to know….. (1) who beat who…. and (2) who do they play next.

    I’m not sure if Skipper’s well-publicized wristslaps to Stephen A or Skip or Colin or whoever for their latest OMG utterances are real or just WWE wrestling skits. I suspect a bit of both.

    As long as enough board monkeys truly truly HATE Stephen A, Skip and Colin they have complete Job Security.

    ###

    Oh Oh Oh ….. Last week I had lunch with a handful of longtime Franklin Streeters….. “Good” Franklin Streeters.  Not the scary mouth-breathing variety. Several of my lunch buddies have names and credentials you would recognize. Of the six, FIVE were adamantly outraged over Roy’s Reward for his virtuoso Sgt Schultz performance.

    They thought Roy’s raise / contract extension was “a joke” and further evidence that chaos continues to rule as regards The Great Unpleasantness.

    Most ABCers think Zippy The Pinhead two cubicles over from yours is typical of “all Carolina fans”. There IS a UNC chucklehead faction for sure, but aplenty of very solid citizens as well. Functioning adults who have been upset with this trainwreck for quite some time.

    Why aren’t “the fully functioning adults” being heard or being listened to? Because some of the worst chuckleheads have very loud voices and very deep pockets. That’s why.

    Check out the changes in Quirky News down below….. For anyone concerned we were doing “too much cheesecake”, that picture of Adam Silver is “just for you”.   FYI:  Our three “most watched” Quirkies so far are #1 Holly Hooters ….. #2 Roy Sgt Schultz…. and #3 Joey Heatherton.

    ###

    BobLee
    • BobLee Reply
      4 years ago

      GREAT NEWS !!!! …. I heard from Kristin Balboni today.  She is going to be fine with the FoxSports1 “belt-tightening”.  Being a “great value” employee, her daily podcasts are going to be used more from now on.  YIPPEE!

       

      Kristin used to be “Balbiz” on Mike & Mike but left ESPN about six months ago for LA and more on-air opportunites with FoxSports.  AND… she is soooo much classier than Holly Hooters.

    • MAHA Reply
      4 years ago

      BL, I know you like the guy but if he let the super Rams jam this crap down his throat  he’s more gutless than those weasles on the BOT who should have  rejected it out of  hand. I guess if you come from Tulsa you figure this is about as good as it gets and he goes along to get along. MAHA.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        Yes, I do like Bubba. I certainly do NOT like / “approve of” this latest BS with “rewarding Roy” for seemingly “getting away with it”. Everyone involved in that travesty should be ASHAMED of themselves PERIOD.
        .
        ….. As to “who is pulling the strings”. Several of THE Fat Cats are also BOTers and totally obsessed with Regaining Bragging Rights Whatever It Costs. FWIW, I do not think Chihuahua is involved in any of this, any more than Dickie was involved in hiring Butch. Her opinion is irrelevant assuming she has one. Bubba is more sophisticated than “from Tulsa”. If he is indeed “being jerked around by Fat Cat jerks”, I would bet he is updating his resume. …. Just my opinions here. Granted I’m usually close to “the Truth”.

    • RowdyBlueTarHeeler Reply
      4 years ago

      Roy’s raise = hush money

       

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        That is one theory that has been circulating for a while. I suppose it IS possible. But any multi-layered conspiracy would directly involve Roy. The “hush money” premise would have to have Roy “turning state’s evidence” in some “plea deal”.
        .
        The cop show phrase when trying to get a gang member to squeal is “the first one who talks … walks”. What I want, of course, is Dickie in an orange jumpsuit being frog-marched into a Graybar Hilton.

    • Frank Linstreet Reply
      4 years ago

      How many Assistant Sr Associate and Associate Assistant Athletic Directors does UNC have?  I’m sure all those alphabet titles are important to some folks, but just very supercilious to folks like me.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        I’m with you. Although I do love alliteration.

    • NCSU68Grad Reply
      4 years ago

      BL,

      Yes, I have actually watched a bit of FS1 (I think…I lose track of networks that have numbers after their “monikers”).  If I am correct, NASCAR now occupies FS1.  Yes, that bastion of Southern Sports is now relegated to the 400 level on TWC.  Not sure the DT or Dish or Uverse or any of the other competitors carry it.

      Tells you a LOT about the NASCAR demos and ratings and fan base.  BUT, Bill France (FTB IV?) is on top of it.  He has determined that NASCAR will do everything within its power to remove the Stars & Bars from a race track.  Seems like it is making Brad Doughtery (sp…I get my Brads from UNC mixed up)….anyway Brad done said that every time he goes by a Confederate Flag, his skin crawls.  NOW, I can relate to that….I have the SAME reaction to Eric Holder, Prez Obummer, Loretta Lynch (what a name), Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Bully B and (FIB for the rest of the AFAM folks that take money from their constituents who gets it from Uncle Sammy).  My wife quipped….you need to copyright the following sign…

      “Will the LAST NASCAR fan leaving the (FTB) Track, please turn off the lights”.  Actually it might be lucrative for me.  I closed about 35 plants (demolished, relocated, abducated, incarcerated, or whatever “ated”) over the years.  So, I KNOW how to shut down them suckers and WHO to hire to take care of the property to keep the Copper Thieves OUT….and they and Mr. Dirty Harry Callahan S&W M629 .44 Magnum seemed to dissuade the dudes….except for Maspeth (Queens) NY….but I left the current on and they soon learned NOT to mess with that…and we planted Poison Oak and Ivy all around the site.

      Since you did you survey of EPSN, WHAT % of them folks appear to use the Male RR?  If it is NOT equal, then the NCAA needs to invoke Title IX and hire some…

      Good Column….but I await your Stars and Bars epistle….why we ought to tear down any EVIL representatives (senators) statues or buildings or whatever that voted against ANY civil rights legislation.  I think that Senator Sam would be on that list….and Robert (ExKKK Leader) would not fare too well.

      Didn’t old Tommy Jefferson have a few slaves….for cooking and OTHER duties.  Tear down any reference to him on the UVA campus or in Richmond….

       

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        AgentPierce won the honor of discussing “that flag”. Check out his thoughts.

    • AaronG Reply
      4 years ago

      as re: Fox’s Katie Nolan…. I agree with you.  That gal has a smart mouth on her, which I’m sure appeals to “the Micks at that pool room in Revere” but not to me.  She might even be attractive if a make-up person spent five minutes with her and she washed her hair.  Very strange that FoxSports wants that slovenly an image ???

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        I’m sure her on-camera “grunge” appearance is “on purpose” with some marketing reason. Beats me what it could be. But, as noted, I don’t watch enough to have any right to object. Nor do I plan to watch any more than I do.

    • Doug Reply
      4 years ago

      You must have ESP(n). Just thinking the other day a good BLS story on ESPN would be nice. Being a VP I’m not so sure. Being the VP of HR (Human Remains) would be even worse. Even being careful, folks that talk for a living are, sooner or later, going to piss off someone. The SVP job at Fox Sports1 would be far easier. First job would be to fire yourself but first make sure there’s a golden parachute for a soft landing. You know; kinda like some of the good recently fired or should have been fired folks at UNC that kept their pensions.  I somehow lasted 31.5 years of corporate down sizing, right sizing, achieving staffing levels driven by the core business, deploying people to optimize the business, and my favorite buzz phrase of all, “adjusting staff to meet the size of the business going forward,” aka firing people’s asses. I almost forgot achieving synergies. Never quite got what that meant. Anyhow, it was like cheating death and defying gravity simultaneously.

      Does anyone know if Adam Silver was a Cameron Crazy at Duke? Did he camp out for the chance to hurl vile insults at DES and the Heels? He and Mike Krzyzewski must have arrived there at about the same time so DES pretty much owned them during the early years. Adam Sliver would be a more appropriate name. My mama would have told him he needed to put some meat on his bones.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        I’m sure Adam Silver is a fine fellow and a most able NBA Commish…. but he is certainly one strange looking fellow. His predecessor David Stern looked like “Dickie” Baddour which always scared me a bit.

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