Mets’ Matt Harvey admits “I’m ______!”

    Matt Harvey
    BobLee
    September08/ 2015

    Not to worry wacky fans of the New York Metropolitans (“Mets”); Matt Harvey a/k/a “The Dark Knight of Gotham” “came out of the closet” yesterday at a hastily called press conference at centre court of Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing Queens…. just a Darryl Strawberry homer from the mound at Citi Field. …. with LaGuardia jets roaring overhead, Harvey announced:

    I’m amphibious….

    so once I reach 180 innings with my right arm, I’ll switch gloves and throw with my left arm until it falls off if I have to. I am A Warrior.   GO METS!

    Harvey was flanked by his agent Scott Boras a/k/a THE single most hated man in baseball since Marge Schott…. the REKNOWN Orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews…. Mets GM Sandy Alderson…. Tom and Nancy Seaver…. Dwight Gooden…. Marv Throneberry….. Serena Williams…. Ronda Rousey…. Former Jeter Girl Minka Kelly…. and none other than THE Tommy John hisownself. ….. all that was missing was Cecil The Dead Lion, Herve Villachaize and a mini-van full of new Bill Cosby victims.

    Only in New York. … “the city so wonderful they named it twice”.

    If none of this makes any sense to you or would matter even if it did CONGRATULATIONS!

    You “Have A Life” and probably don’t do social mediaMatt Harvey UNC.

    Matt Harvey Innings Hullabaloo…. LINK. 

    Yes…. Matt Harvey “went to Carolina” and played for Mike Fox who, according to page 98 or 99 of The Wainstein Report “knew” that Anson Dorrance “knew” what Jennifer The Tutor might look like.  Wainstein’s Report does NOT implicate Harvey however neither does it prove he was NOT involved

    The ridiculous media circus was momentarily interrupted when a skydiver landed in the middle of the whole thing.   Later identified as one “FightingBobKennel”; he was carrying a cardboard cut-out of Carlos Rodon and screaming “Carlos For Cooperstown”.   As an NYPD SWAT team carried him off, he declared

    “….. playing for Vic Sorrel at NCState in 1957, I invented the fungo bat!”

    Concerned that the opening of College Football and The NFL and Serena Williams’ Go For The Grand Slam and the announcement of Ronda Rousey’s next PPV was cutting into the media coverage of Baseball’s “September – Playoffs or Bust”…. “Metropolitans” PR intern Heidi Hoe dreamted up this monumental non-story about Harvey’s “180 inning limit” in order to (1) sell papers and (2) dominant ESPN’s Sportscenter…. and (3) provide BobLee with column fodder.   Not necessarily in that order.

    John Skipper ESPNWith the Harlem Boys’ Choir and Radio City Music Hall Rockettes singing “Hark The Sound” in the background, ESPN’s CEO John “Skippy” Skipper (UNC75) handed out “Betcha Didn’t Know that …..” cards informing whoever cared that:

     “THE Tommy John was once Pitching Coach at my (Skippy’s) alma mater.   Tommy’s stint as UNC pitching coach came in the mid 90s and lasted “about a week” when it dawned on Tommy that he would be working for then UNC Head Baseball Coach Mike Roberts.   NO WAY declared the crafty left-hander.

    Roberts would later be fired by fledgling UNC AD “Dickie” Baddour as a term of his ascension to the corner office vacated by John “AntiChrist” Swofford.

    Matt Harvey’s “I’m Amphibious” announcement concluded with Chapel Hill native “Sweet Baby” James Taylor’s singing “Carolina In My Mind”. …. Having established that some how some way pretty much EVERYTHING inevitably revolves around “The (Still Proud albeit Floundering) Flagship”.

    And thats how it might have been yesterday in The Big Apple…. “the city so wonderful they named it twice”.

     

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    BobLee
    • BobLee Reply
      4 years ago

      Believe It Or Not !!! Blondie sent this column to her “bunch of buddies”. One of her pals – obviously an ABCer – took it all quite literally including the play on “Amphibious” (duh!!) and replied – “another example of the fine education that UNC athletes get over there” ….. huh?
      .
      After 25 years is the word “Amphibious” now associated with this spoof on the old Shackleford thingy? Ya just never know these days, do ya?

      • Doug Reply
        4 years ago

        Oh the irony of the ABC’ers lack of edumucation comment. Great piece. There was also an opportunity for some toilet humor from the Flushing, Queens news conference from America’s sportscaster, Biff Barf, “I call ’em the way I see ’em. And, if I don’t see ’em, I make it up,” but you know what your ABC’er audience doesn’t get better than anyone. 🙂

        • BobLee Reply
          4 years ago

          But for Chas Shackleford to lose his only “famous for” seems a shame.

    • 58 Wolf Kennel Reply
      4 years ago

      BL, Satire at its best. However, amidst the things that are obviously made up blog fodder, are their also some true facts. “Did Tommy John actually spend that week at Carolina as pitching coach?”
      Also I figure this kind of blog input comes after a bad night of something, possibly the Cards in both a hitting and pitching slump? :>))

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        INDEED… THE TJ was hired as UNC pitching coach and it lasted “about a week”. It was in the early 90s. Mikey Roberts had a well-earned rep as “difficult to deal with and marginal people skills”. Tommy apparently failed to do his due diligence but quickly realized his mistake.
        .
        Cards indeed in need of a “gut check” and/or “new bats”. Bucs lost too so not a double bad.

        • Doug Reply
          4 years ago

          Mike Roberts was ejected for being impolite from a game vs ECU in the 90’s, had to leave the ballpark, climbed on top of the Heel’s bus and continued to signal the team from there. Classy guy.

          • BobLee Reply
            4 years ago

            There are a LOT of “Mike Roberts stories”.

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