Reflections on Cupcake Weekend

    Cupcakes
    BobLee
    September14/ 2015

    You know your regional college teams are UN-relevant when all three are relegated to dreaded ESPN3. It’s not that having “your team” on ESPN3 itself is so bad except, well, I don’t know any other way to say this….. there are schools on ESPN3 that only have one helmet…. do not have Indoor Practice Facilities OR locker rooms with multiple “charging stations”.

    ESPN3

    The Network for Obscure Compass Schools

    …. on Tuesday night…. with women announcers.

    It gets worse.  I heard from a reliable source that some of the teams on ESPN3 “only have two uniforms” – one for Home games and one for Away games”….. NOOOOO!   ‘Tis true.  That is the 2015 equivalent of “don’t have indoor plumbing” or “your cellphone is NOT a smartphone !”   Imagine the emotional trauma that must inflict on the students attending those institutions.  Imagine if Blake Dodge attended a school that was ALWAYS on ESPN3. It is the “no thigh gap” of TV sports 3rd world hinterlands.

    Last Saturday EVERY Triangle ACC member institution was relegated to ESPN3…. a/k/a “computer TV”.

    Surely that created a few awkward moments for whoever coordinates NC State recruiting weekends. The dozen or so semi-literate 17 y/os get the Red Ribbon Tour of The Hindenberg Hangar and Vaughn Tower and Wolf Mountain and WendellWorld (over-a dozen years-NC State IPFold !!) and see the video about the Fancy Jock Dorm narrated by (insert name of famous rapper) and they get to charge their phones and pads and pods on charging stations “just like the ones you WILL HAVE at your locker when you arrive next Fall” and everything is going just peachy….. when one semi-literate 17 y/o holds up his super deeeluxe whizbang Samsung Gladiator XX-500 8.0.8 and asks “what network is today’s game on?” …… THUD!   What does the perky Pack tour guide do? Lying won’t work.

    NOTE: John Blake (Who??) tried lying to Michael McAdoo when Michael said he really wanted to major in Criminal Justice at UNC. John (Who?) said that would be “Excellent….. no problemo….. now just sign this letter-of-intent right here. Very Good….. see you in August.” Michael arrives at UNC and is handed his class schedule…. no Criminal Justice courses.

    Michael asked a bored functionary in UNC’s World Renown “Dickie” Baddour We Pretend To Give a Damn About Academics Center….. “How come I don’t have any Criminal Justice courses?” ….. “Criminal Justice courses? We don’t have no stinkin’ Criminal Justice courses here at UNC.” …… “But Coach Blake told me I could …….” ….. “Coach Blake?  Who’s Coach Blake?” …… and you know the rest.

    So, anywhoooo; the Wolf recruit wants to know “So lady, what network is today’s game on?”. The perky Pack tour guide mumbles “espn3”. “Excuse me…. did you say ESPN3?” …… A hush falls over the group. The whole “Lookee Lookee at all our bright shiney bling crap” suddenly doesn’t amount to a hill o’ beans.  Your game is on ESPN3.   “But but” the perky tour guide counters “so is UNC’s game and Duke’s game too.”

    “East Carolina’s game with Florida is on ESPN2 – Real TV” says one recruit. “They (ECU) don’t have charging stations YET but they DO have oodles and oodles of cutie-pie coeds in cowboy boots with Mandingo Warrior fantasies.  I hear they offer Criminal Justice TOO..….” The recruits all start talking among themselves about when they will be making their official visits to G-Vegas.

    “It’s because ESPN CEO of Political Correctness – John Skipper (UNC75) – hates us because our IPF is bigger than UNC’s and he and the Eeeeevil John Swofford conspire against us and ….. …… ……” but the recruits have wandered off comparing Instagrams of ECU coeds in cowboy boots.   Where was I?

    Oh yeah….. Cupcake Weekend “In The Triangle”. I called ESPN World HQ and learned this was the FIRST Time three Power Five Schools within a 24-mile radius have all been on ESPN3 at the exact same time – 6:00 PM. Four if you count NCCU which, of course, is NOT a Power Five School.

    The local Power Five Schools outscored their Cupcakes by a combined 143-14. Only NC State failed to crack the 50 mark offensively….. totaling a mere 35. Only UNC allowed its cupcake to score. Somehow Rod Broadway’s NC A&T Aggies solved Gene Chizik’s vaunted defense to score 14 points “amid the pines”. No doubt Broadway’s familiarity with Kenan as both a player and assistant coach gave him an advantage in amassing those 14 points.

    Leave it to Duke, playing the first game EVER in “a track-less Wally”, to score the most – 55 – AND shut-out it’s crosstown rival(?) NCCU. Duke (and NCSU) is now only FOUR Ws short of being “Bowl Eligible”. YIKES! That does not have the incredulous ring to it that it did for so many decades.  “Going to a bowl and getting beat despite playing their hearts out” has become a tradition at The Gothic Rockpile in West Derm. The Era of Cut rolls on.

    The Almost New Wally is actually quite a nifty little stadium. The playing field was “sunk” and Al Buehler’s track was ripped out and a “Really Big” Jumbotron replaced the old “not so big” one. The vaunted Duke Marching Band is still two tubas, three piccolos, four nerds born in the Continental US, and thirty-six others from 3rd and 4th world countries you can’t find without a GPS…. and two cello savants from Bangladesh with IQs over 200 who can’t spell Krzyzewski if their lives depended on it.

    Wallace Wade Stadium

    NOTE:  The New Wally is not 100% complete yet.  The obligatory Fat Cat (Iron Dukes) Lair / Press Box will not be ready until next season.  Until then our buddy Bob Harris is broadcasting from a hot air balloon tethered to the roof of the nearby Washington Duke Hotel.

    I wasn’t there but I heard “most” of Duke’s cheerleaders actually shaved their armpits for the inaugural game in Almost New Wally.

    More about The Almost New Wally in a future column. Suffice to say Duke now has a nifty little stadium to match its world-class Visitors Side rest rooms.

    Meanwhile “amid the towering pines”, the expected influx of A&T Aggie fans failed to materialize unless Aggie fans dress as aluminum. No doubt the fact that the game was being played (1) on a comfortable Saturday evening….. (2) a week after Labor Day contributed to the less-than-capacity turn-out ?? Personally I think “that Blake Dodge op/ed” had to be a factor.

    As THE most traumatized Morehead Cain Scholar Who Is NOT a Porn Star (yet), Blake, and her non-symmetrical eyebrow, likely doesn’t attend games in Kenan in protest of Ramses having his horns painted blue.  Ramses identifies male FOR SURE!  NOTE: I’m still holding out that Blake was spoofing with her silly column. I’ve got my spies “on it”.

    Eastern Kentucky “travels” A LOT better than the A&T Aggies apparently. How many freebies Duke gave out to anyone who could spell NCCU is not known. The Carter and New Wally were close to capacity. “Amid the pines” not so much.

    UNC DID wear traditional uniforms for the second week in a row which should count for something in my book. Marquise threw two less end zone pics this week which bodes well with The Fighting Illini coming in this Saturday….. being billed as The Battle of The Embarrassed Scandal-plaqued Large State Liberal Arts Sleeping Giants.   Despite that, it’s likely another ESPN3 game for TruBlues. 

    Both UNC and Duke host Big Ten/14 schools from Illinois this week with Duke hosting “fellow rich elite private school” Northwestern. The ‘Pack leave the friendly confines of The Carter for wherever Old Dominion is. Hopefully the guy who drives the production van for ESPN3 knows where Old Dominion is.

    Speaking of uniforms, I suppose I MUST comment on The Wolfpack’s newest tradition of “all black” unis. There was a smidge of red on the shoulders and a small red “S” on the helmets for those who insist on such. I’m sure Bre’r Kennel will have some convoluted bloviation on how “all black” means a school has world-class Fat Cats and all it’s student-athletes are Eagle Scouts. I can hardly wait.

    But in the end despite (1) The Almost New Wally….. (2) Blake Dodge …… (3) Those almost all-Black unis @ The Carter; the laments of that one Wuff recruit cannot be denied.

    On Cupcake Weekend: Only ECU (and Wake Forest) was on REAL TV.

    Coincidentally, only ECU (and Wake Forest) got beat.

    ###

    Tags: , ,
    BobLee
    • wolfdon Reply
      4 years ago

      Want to read something funny?

      http://bit.ly/1J8ecd0

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        Dr “Don’t Do Lunch” is becoming quite the media star over there. My standing offer to comp her lunch still stands. …. sigh.

        • SlickWillie Reply
          4 years ago

          So Tar Heel Tailgate Talks “will all focus on the intersection of academics and athletics.” Wonder if Jay Smith will be giving one? After all, he’s written a book on the subject.

          • BobLee Reply
            4 years ago

            Jay “The Faculty Dissident” a/k/a “Clyde” is not on the Friends of Chanc Chihuahua List. Dr Debbie is.

    • TheCowdog Reply
      4 years ago

      Truth. Thought the pic and headline was to reference some sort of anny for Marv’ s CheezeCakeFactory tweet.

      What do I know?

      If the ESPN3 guy is driving his Equip to Norfolk this week for the ODU/State classic, he /she is bound to be fired.

      ODU got it goin’ on. Real HD on WRDC for our locals, MASN for the Chesseys.

      Geez. Transfer city.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        I’m gonna need ’68’s Navaho codebreaker for this one. 🙂

    • Doug Reply
      4 years ago

      Great sentence: Meanwhile “amid the towering pines”, the expected influx of A&T Aggie fans failed to materialize unless Aggie fans dress as aluminum.
      And the CF was sold out and “full” proving PT Barnum was right all along. The ROI on the $100 million upgrade at Wallace Wade is projected to be sometime in mid-23rd century or at the rapture, whichever comes first.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        Duke folks don’t care about real world stuff like ROI. They operate in a different $$$$ universe.

    • MMF Reply
      4 years ago

      I was in Jefferson City attending a wedding. I could not get the Gator game on local tv. Looks like my Pirates had a shot at scoring late but the qb lost his grip on a pass play and that was the end of that shoulda, woulda, coulda. From my perspective, da Ruf is slowly but shirley up grading our recruits which, on paper, should allow us to compete with the chosen Gp of Five. Just saying. MMF

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        Losing his Boy Wonder Off Coor Lincoln Riley to OU could be a setback. A LOT of key injuries so far !!!

    • JD Reply
      4 years ago

      The Tar heels battle the Fighting Illini on either ESPN/ESPN2/ or ABC at Noon according to GoHeels.com schedule I printed out a month ago.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        Watching Two Sleeping Giants Battle has significant national appeal!

    • NCSU68Grad Reply
      4 years ago

      Really can’t argue with the title….it was “Lil’ Debbie” and her tea party chicks, Hostess and Ding-Dong weekend. There is a rumor afoot that Ding-Dong may actually be trans gender and that steamer loads of votive candles are chugging their way to Duke and UNC for the support vigils.

      Interesting factoid that this is, per your contacts at EPSN, the first time for ESPN3 to dominate the Research Triangle area. Did not know that there data bases were that complete.

      However, speaking of factoids, the attendance at Kenan was about 70%. Duke reports that the “Wally” was sold out. The EKU v. NCSU was also sold out….and about 99% showed up despite Fishel’s ominous warning (Jimmy G at work?) of mother nature’s wrath.

      Did not spot Kennel as he has digs in places much higher than my lowly group of LTR’s and it only sprinkled for a few minutes.

      Gonna be a LOT of “issues” to focus on this week by the staff of the various HC’s. GC (Rev 2)’s Defense pulled a NCSU v. Troy and allowed almost 300 yds. Doeren’s Dirt Dabbers pulled the plug on that with around 135. DD was MUCH happier in the post presser.

      One interesting factoid…..which school has the number 1 (% Pass Completion) QB in the nation for the Second Week? Hint….he was in all BLACK as were most of the CF fans.

      Looking at the upcoming schedules, none really look that tough until the ACC lads arrive. UNC and Duke only have one top 25 ACC team on their schedule while NCSU has 2. This week’s AP poll has NCSU @ 40. OK, that is not exactly a ranking that will prevent an EARLY bowl game in downtown Milwaukee….but they are, other than the 4 ACC teams in the top 25, the HIGHEST ranking ACC team in the poll.

      So, what, other than it was a sugar high for the light blue, dark blue and red fans in the Research Triangle, does this prove….or portend. Absolutely NARY a clue….but most of the Wuffies are happy and our Season Ticket allottment was sold OUT prior to the first game and we are NOT running Groupons @ half (maybe lower) seats to fill the voids in the lofty pines.

      However, in all seriousness, the first two weeks have been tough on some the ACC’s top ranked players. The original expectations are all now up for grabs. I DID think that WF was going to take ‘Cuse…..much to the chagrin of the 50% crowd or so in the DOME (wimps!). But, that did not materialize.

      It was a great PR comeback yesterday. A “he did WHAT again” call for Pete Carroll….now will his players think he is STILL a genius? AND….best of all…..Jericho Cotchery was the star of the Panther’s win (OK, Cam did throw the balls). Jameius Winston got his little smart A$$ behind whipped……PURRRRFECT. Oh Yeah, speaking in biblical terms….Shadrach is coming back….and his “violation” of team rules did not include any treatment of injured females unlike the “complete whitewash” of the FSU thugs. Obviously nothing in Tallahassee has changed…..

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        re: NFL… I have extended my complete boycott of the Exhibition Games to include Week One of “The Season”. I’m all into the MLB “September Playoffs”.
        .
        INJURIES seem epidemic at all levels of Big Time Football…. gonna get worse each week.
        .
        BK sits amongst the Great Unwashed in the upper section of Lower Bowl at about the 40-45. Terry Harvey two rows in front. NO Fat Cat Lair for BK… although they (Wuff Fat Cats) ARE Incredible Human Beings per BK.

    • SeaIsland Gambler Reply
      4 years ago

      I think the answer to the Criminal Justice system was “No, no… Coach Blake was talkin’ about the other end of the Criminal Justice System… the one where you are the guest of honor!”

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        That was TOO EASY! I figured someone would swing away at that within 30 minutes. It only took 18 minutes. 🙂

    • Tom Southern Reply
      4 years ago

      Actually, ECU’s game with Florida was on ESPN 2. Doesn’t matter, they still got beat.

      • BobLee Reply
        4 years ago

        ESPN2 is real TV-TV…. not computer TV…. BIG DIFFERENCE!

      • JD Reply
        4 years ago

        I watched the Tar Heels on my phone. It was really hard to see how empty the stadium was on a 5″ screen

        • BobLee Reply
          4 years ago

          Thankful for small favors.

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