You’ve Got Mail – Part II

    Tom Meg
    BobLee
    December12/ 2016

    You’ve Got Mail – Part II

    I know many of you are eager for the next chapter of BobLee & Alex. OK, maybe a handful of you might be. The rest of you keep hoping I have BREAKING NEWS on TGU. ….. As predicted, Alex has responded to my response. We are into Stage II…. This, like the earlier one, is a bit lengthy so go to the nearest HB2 restroom before starting if you need to. This picks up with Alex’s 2nd reply to my reply email

    If you missed Stage I you HAVE to go to that last insightful commentary and catch-up for this one to make any sense whatsoever.  Even then it’s a stretch.  I am not trying to convert Alex or any of you; but rather offer insight into a socio-cultural phenomenon some of you may not be familiar with.

    WARNING…. WARNING:   Alex IS “an artist” (novelist) and prone to “earthy (salty) language”.  Albert, you might consider an e-mail tester before you jump in here. To anyone who has ever debated anyone of the liberal persuasion, it is nothing unusual. They tend towards “earthy” in self-expression.

    NOTE:  Lee Child is the author of the Jack Reacher series of novels… and a close friend of Alex’s.

    NOTE: I think she kinda sorta “likes me a little bit”….. or maybe not.

    FINAL WARNING:  It is “kinda earthy”.

    ****

    12/12/16 – 2:45 AMAlex Sokoloff
    FROM: Alex 

    Lee (Child) is more to the left than I am and he and I have had this conversation. Readers in general, his included, are much more liberal than conservative – it seems to be a by-product of, you know, reading. (The exception is Harlequin romance readers – you’ll find a lot of Republicans there, but I don’t know if it’s a statistical majority.) But he is as flat-out amazed as I am that people from the right can’t see the obvious leftist politics in our books.

    Keep reading. Maybe it’ll sink in.

    Of course – the right has eliminated facts and science – it’s now all about your feelings, hard line fundamentalist interpretations of the crueler parts of Christianity, and that debate-crushing catch-all: “I’m entitled to my opinion”. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you interpret books any way you want as well.

    That’s fair game with fiction. Do it with reality – it’s an epic disaster for democracy.

    So you don’t know why you checked me out? Please. You checked me out because I’m the only woman on your list of authors. Then of course, because I’m a woman, you felt entitled to lecture me about my wrongness about all issues – complete with insults. Are you similarly moved to contact male authors whose books you admire and hurl insults at them? Just curious.

    At least you haven’t called me a b*tch or a c**t, yet – names I get on an almost daily basis from random brothers of yours on the right. I have to wonder why Republican women haven’t committed suicide en masse if this is what they have to deal with from their supposed loved ones and allies. Or wait, here’s an idea – they could turn Democrat, move to an enlightened state and get an actual life.

    But it does explain why so many white women actually voted for the p***y grabber. Seriously, you guys must spike the Southern Comfort with Rohypnol.

    There is such a better way to live.

    And I live it. I live in California and in Scotland. I’m also in the tax bracket that will get the most benefit from the policies of the Russian puppet and his cutthroat collection of self-serving billionaires. Thanks for the sympathy, but you should try extending it to someone who actually needs it. Anyone poor. Anyone sick or disabled. Anyone not white. Anyone non-Christian. Anyone non-LGBTQ. All children, but especially girls. Red states. 99.999999% of the voters who fell for the con man. Unlike the rest of the country, I’ll be fine – as long as that unhinged narcissist who is going to have the NUCLEAR CODES doesn’t decide to blow up the planet in one of his late night Twitter snits.

    Trump MonsterAnd we’ll keep democracy alive for when people come to their senses and remember it was a good idea. Like, the best idea in the history of the world.

    Look. I do have a book to write. I’m not writing back for no reason. You’re educated. You’re thoughtful. Which I can’t say about – well, any – of the p***y grabber’s supporters I’ve encountered on social media. But you think that guy, that spoiled illiterate hustler, reality talk show host, masturbatory beauty pageant p***y grabber, Putin-loving, racist, xenophobic, mentally unstable, malignant narcissist – you think that guy should be anywhere near the presidency?

    Forget party lines. I know more than a few Republicans who get that there is nothing normal or okay about it. How can supporting that be possible in a sane universe? If you voted for that, you just f***ed the world over so completely no one may make it out of this alive.

    So if you want me to send you free books you’re going to have to tell me. If you voted for that monster, what the hell were you thinking?

    Alex

    ***

    12/12/16 – 7:50 PMBobLee
    FROM: BobLee

    Alex…. Are we auditioning for You’ve Got Mail – II. You’re Meg and I’m Tom ?? My daughter’s all-time favorite movie btw. “Daisies are such a friendly flower…”

    I hesitated to reply to your earlier reply. Not knowing when your Stalker Alarm goes off. I’m glad to continue whatever this is we’re doing. I’m also glad to answer your question…. just to save a few bucks on books #3 and #4. 

    Yes, I voted for Trump totally under the Lesser of Two Evils reasoning. PERIOD. I don’t expect you to begin to understand so let’s not get bogged down there. Your latest comments bring up much more interesting subjects.

    I’ll take both “thoughtful” and “educated” as compliments. Just PLEASE don’t say “intellectual”. YIKES!  Of course, I’ve been called all that other yucky stuff too. Yawn.

    You just went into a screed with all those colorful descriptions of “us people”.  I call those terms “Prius Bumperstickers”. Do “you people” have those insults on flashcards in your indoctrination kindergartens? ….. JUST KIDDING Alex…. Calm down.

    I also coined the term “Pentacostal Profanity”. That’s when liberals get so doggone mad they cuss “in unknown tongues”. I have been the target of that too many times to count.

    I noticed one of your stand alones takes place at Duke. So you have a familiarity with our metro area. I am a UNC-Chapel Hill alum but well BEFORE it went Full Berkeley. Spent 30 years chasing corporate rainbows all over the country before settling back here a while ago. It won’t surprise you that I was smack dab in the center of both Duke Lacrosse Scandal AND John Edwards & Rielle. “Fun times” for sure!

    Our daughter and son-in-law (neither voted for Trump) live in Madison WI. … a/k/a “Berkeley with Winter”.  YIKES! They operate a Presbyterian campus ministry at U-Wiscy. .… apolitical millennial Bible-thumpers! Not much about my life fits your “all a buncha” model.

    Actually not much about the crazy right-wingers I associate with fits your model …. but I certainly know more than a few wacky goobers that do. “Our crazies” are every bit as scary as your far-out crazy crowd. Arguing “whose crazies are craziest” is the ultimate “solitaire with a deck of 51”. Lets fence-in either Arkansas or Kansas. We each toss-in a few million of our bona-fide crazies and throw in a bunch of baseball bats and ax handles and let’em have at it. If that culls both herds, the world might be a tiny bit saner.

    As to me not calling you those particularly nasty “b” and “c” names. I’m no prude by any means but it would never occur to me to call you those names. Now I’ve been called the male equivalent and worse many times by the more overly-caffeinated of “you people” but – hey – I’m too “thoughtful and educated” to let it bother me. “Sticks & Stones” …. ☺Karin Slaughter

    Am I a uni-gender reader? Not guilty your honor. I have read every “Scarpetta” that Patricia Cornwell has written and six of Karin Slaughter’s “Will Trents”.   If you gave Agent Roarke dyslexia, he could be “Will Trent”.  Eerily similar plots in your and Karin’s stories. Both blonds too… huuuumm.

    I also read Patterson’s monthly output. Many of his are now co-written by your side of the gender spectrum. LOVE his Murder Club series.

    Checking an author’s website is not unusual for me. Going the next step and checking their Twitter page IS new for me. Here’s why….

    I am wrestling with weaning myself off Facebook / Twitter. I describ social media as “like watching your grandparents have sex”. One’s initial curiosity is rewarded with a scene you can never erase from your conscious mind. Aaaaiiieeee! …. I was hoping that following “my authors” would get me away from the 24/7 political feces-flinging. It almost did until…..

    I’ve lived long enough to know there are A LOT of human hairballs out there. “Human hairballs” are non-partisan. As a novelist you are an expert on the Seven Deadly Sins. You do realize those are all quite non-partisan too.

    In the past six months I’ve started following more and more of my favorite authors’ Twitter pages. Gotten to know C.J. Box and a few others. With rare exceptions, their tweets are as apolitical as is possible these days.  Ergo I was taken aback by yours. …. Which led to my central question about “alienating readers” via one’s overt political passions. You have answered that from your and Lee’s perspective.

    Pretty much all of my “crazy right wing” buddies are avid readers too. And most of’em’s tastes run much broader than the latest Vince Flynn / Tom Clancy wannabee. Has EVERY former Spec Ops guy “got a novel in him”? Enough already!

    Not that you and I need an excuse to keep our E-pen-pal thing going… but howsabout suggestions of other Alex-esque fiction she-writers you want me to check out ? I’m not into Sci-Fi but any other fiction genre works.

    My All-Time favorite book is Watership Down. Right behind that is Louis L’Amour’s Barnabas Sackett series. My favorite Baldacci is Wish Me Well. Big Larry McMurtry Lonesome Dove series fan. Yeah, I know he’s very politically misguided too. It’s been said I look like Woodrow Call.

    Did I leave out the late great John D. MacDonald? “Travis McGee” is totally in a class by himself. Can we agree on that? MacDonald over Robert Parker but not by much.

    I love “sidekick” stories…. Box’s Joe Pickett & Nate …. Crais’ Elvis & Joe Pike …. Coben’s Myron & Win …. Connolly is moving towards making Harry & Mickey a regular twosome.

    Alex; I am NOT trying to temper your bone-deep dislike for “us people”.  You enjoy it too much to ever consider throttling back any way. IMO, there won’t be any Kumbaya Moment in America in my lifetime. I’ve got you by a few years but likely not in your lifetime either.

    My only objective is that the next time you speak to Lee Child you can say:

    “I did e-meet “one of them” one time who had a few redeemable features….”.

    Also tell Lee I don’t hate Tom Cruise as Reacher; but Jim Caviezel woulda been better.

    And I was not kidding about you naming your next sociopath “BobLee”. ☺

    (Not Really So Deplorable) BobLee

    *****

    To be continued…. maybe.

    HERE IT IS ….  PART THREE  (Click)

    ####

    BobLee
    • NCSU68Grad Reply
      3 years ago

      This has all the trappings of a spectacular remake. Start on the Screenplay. I can see a remake of “War of the Roses – Part II”. You could inject Trumperisms and Clintonisms and a few one liners by a “narrator”, perhaps a Psychiarist this time instead of a lawyer.
      Eastwood could direct it… Hanks would make a wonderful Bob Lee. Perhaps he would be “educated” by repeating his lines over and over….and the heroine…..why Babs, of course. Might take a few tucks here and there, but she could show ample cleavage, especially in the attic scene and the WJC/Monica take off. THAT would be hilarious….
      All of Trumps new BF’s in Hollywood would pounce on the rights to do it.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        I’d prefer Tom Selleck.

    • JDanWuff Reply
      3 years ago

      One word summation of her …….. idiot.
      Patience is a virtue, BL. You have much of it. I doubt she realizes how trivial and insignificant she looks. A potty mouth, close minded princess.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        I can assure you she has no doubt how intellectually superior she feels about pretty much everything…

    • Colonel Batguano Reply
      3 years ago

      You have somehow found someone with paragraphs even more unreadable than Kennel’s. Congratulations! Is it a coincidence that they are both lefties?

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Just part of my on-going Life Mission to find “reasonable people of sound mind”. The search continues ….

    • Sigmund Reply
      3 years ago

      BobLee,

      Ms. Insanely Profane seems to have daddy issues. The numerous macro-aggressions indicate such. The real Blondie might have to travel out to the Left Coast and administer some hands on physical therapy to the pretentious bore. Her lack of intellect or serious insecurity is visible to all as she demonstrates her lack of vocabulary by submitting the reader to a profanity-laced political diatribe.

      Who cares what she thinks? Why do you? Moth meet flame? In the absence of real ideas, liberals always resort to name-calling, vulgarity and such. How cliche … send her some crayons, a laxitive and directions to a safe space where maybe she can develop writer’s block or learn how to deal with adversity.

      The rest of us have suffered through eight years of incompetence … perhaps she can move to Scotland full time. I hear there’s plenty of liberal manure to be shoveled in those peat bogs ….

      SIg

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Why do I care? I find such direct exposure to “them” reinforces my appreciation of the dilemma our country faces. The line I’ve used before… I have nothing in common with “them” but a pair of opposable thumbs.

    • RaleighJacket Reply
      3 years ago

      BobLee,

      Typical conversation with the port siders of the political spectrum. Note how fast she turned her conversation into ad hominem attacks on you. I counted one in the 2nd sentence before she went Full Monty on insults a paragraph or two replete with asterisked words. Apparently personal insults are for them a substitute for a reasoned argument supported by data.

      My brother does the same thing so much that it is now boring and so so predictable. Yawn. I could make their arguments better than they could. That means I’d get more out of a debate with myself than wasting a few minutes of my life reading a diatribe like that.

      You must REALLY want to tease out a conversation about books with her to take all of that. I am not sure she shares the same desire you do.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        I started out just trying to save $11 on an audiobook. The lengths I go to for column fodder !!! As for “taking all that” you know from your experience, their words don’t hurt; you just find yourself thinking “WOW”.

    • Bob Reply
      3 years ago

      I think she was surprised that a Trump voter can actually read. Too many Beverly Hillbillies reruns in her past viewing history. The “elite” consider themselves intellectual above everyone who fails to agree with their views. Obama and UNC come to mind. Later BobLee.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        She seems very comfortable in her “all a bunch of” stereotyping. Most of us are. ?

    • NCSUGrad68 Reply
      3 years ago

      Interesting exchange. Only a well trained writer exposed to cataclysmic boiling pots of Progressive Kool Aid could jump from Hello, how have you been? To The Deplorables’ wives need emancipation & protection from child services in one paragraph.

      Maybe she thought Monica was liberal & enlightened & that did not define WJC as a rockstar crotch grabber.

      You probably will not here from her for a while. She will be busy offering Electors, of all 3 sexes, oral satisfaction if the will vote for anyone except the P grabber.

      This could get ugly. She probably has Rev BB on speed dial and he is on the way to sit on you and suppress your hate speech

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        And she is not the only one of “them” who sees “us” like she does. Likely more of’em do than don’t. She gets all her Prius Bumpersticker phrases from somewhere… a central clearinghouse for such.

    • Ironwolf Reply
      3 years ago

      Wow! After reading Alex’ comments about conservatives’ inability to read and unwillingness to accept science, I’m amazed I graduated from a “tech school” like State let alone graduate from medical school. Funny that a writer, most likely trained in liberal arts, would make that assumption. Heck I was halfway through my residency training (one for illiterate med school grads?) before I had heard of El Rushbo. Let alone tune in for him to tell me how to think.
      I understand the fascination with your e-conversation with Alex. I had the same fascination debating trump vs Hillary with my liberal friends. The temptation to “poke the bear” is great!
      FWIW, I read Watership Down in jr high, know who Gunga Din was and think Lonesome Dove is a masterpiece.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        You have achieved the Trifecta of baby boomer Jeopardy. I’ve been after my daughter for 20 years to read Watership Down. I won’t stop until she does.

        • OldWuf Vet Reply
          3 years ago

          You’re a brave man Capt’n Call. Not sure I’d have strode into that particular saloon. Expanding on IronWolf’s comment, interesting how liberal arts educated liberals are always accepted as “experts” on scientific matters, i.e. climate, energy production, vaccinations, agriculture production, nutrition. Quick to tell us we don’t know what we’re talking about. Trust me, a retired English teacher that decides to be a farmer is a danger(especially to the animals they are raising). Tell her if she ever makes it back our way we’ll go out to the range one afternoon then have everybody over and cook a pig for supper.?

          • BobLee Reply
            3 years ago

            The likelihood of “this” ever getting beyond where it is is bleak to no way. Our respective ships have probably moved on in the night…

    • KenB Reply
      3 years ago

      I’m very surprised you did not BobLee her on the “its now all about your feelings”. Maybe that’s another column.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        She has borrowed several of our talking points we use against them.

    • Doug Reply
      3 years ago

      Well I don’t know about you but I’m feeling the love. The highly touted and bragged about liberal/progressive values of inclusiveness, acceptance, and tolerance for all humanity. Also the embracing of diversity and love for all mankind. Celebrating it all…. for any and all. Fr***ing A……I feel it big time. Don’t you? ? Looking forward to the next episode although I’m pretty sure several of Gibbs’ rules apply here.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Not sure how Jethro would deal with this. A head slap for sure.

    • Tedensky Reply
      3 years ago

      Watership Down was a good book!

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Right behind The Bible and Lonesome Dove. 🙂

    • robedixonrrr Reply
      3 years ago

      I must admit this email exchange is, like your book reading, a good read itself. Frankly like it better than anything about TGU or the regular column fodder. I am more amused by her use of colorful metaphors and such than repelled by her obvious progressivism disease. I had a similar exchange on Facebook some months past with a fire breathing HB2 hatin’ lesbian from the west coast. In the end we both came to understand that yeah maybe the bill was a bit much, but we also agreed that women and especially young children needed protection from pedators. So surely we could find a way outta the mess in the end. I thought it rather civilized.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        I am not trying to “save Alex” from herself or the environment she exists in. I think it is valuable to those of us NOT from “her world” to get a glimpse of how they see America and “the rest of us”. She is admitting I am different from the other “of my kind”she has encountered. We’ll see.

    • MAHA Reply
      3 years ago

      BL, Forget Gunga Din,although I still watch the movie when it shows up, you’re a better man than I could ever be. That woman has some SERIOUS problems with reality. She’s also another reason I don’t read crime fiction written by women. Whatever that makes me I don’t care. If she’s not Pelosi she’s damn close but I defer to your much more tolerant view. MAHA.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        HA! I’ve always had a thing about Wet Paint and Hot Stoves. Just have to touch them.

    • NCSU77 Reply
      3 years ago

      What in the world? I re-read your exchange with Ms. Alex and I didn’t see anything that warranted that kind of response. Back home (in ENC) we call that being “just rude”, but sometimes that’s how “those people” react. But they can’t help it, that’s just the way the are. Bless her heart.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Apparently Alex has had a few negative encounters with others of “my ilk”. Those encounters have poisoned her to all of us it appears. Not sure how much if any I can help to alleviate that, or why I should bother to try.

    • Doug Reply
      3 years ago

      Wow, it did not take but one poke at that hornet’s nest to get her unhinged. I know that both sides have the people who will go down the “potty mouth” road, but I find that it is the default for so many progressives to automatically go crazy any time you question anything they believe.

      FWIW the biggest howler above: “Of course – the right has eliminated facts and science – it’s now all about your feelings”. I have never heard that one before…not even from the same whacked out liberals with the potty mouths.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        They do tend to the more colorful depths of self-expression. 🙂

    • TheCowdog Reply
      3 years ago

      Oooh…I think I really like her. Just added her to the Christmas buy list.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Girls are attracted to “bad boys” and boys are attracted to “bad girls”. Nature has a sense of humor that way. Be careful with this one C-Dog. She is a razor-totin’ woman both literally and figuratively.

    • PTH Reply
      3 years ago

      Is that not Nancy Pelosi?

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        Alex isn’t THAT awful …. 🙂

    • rivlax Reply
      3 years ago

      Scratch her off my list.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        But But But “your Derm neighbors” would LOVE her! 🙂

    • Terri.F Reply
      3 years ago

      You’re a better man than I Gunga Din. Don’t know how you are so nice to “that woman”.

      • BobLee Reply
        3 years ago

        1: Only MAYBE four people on Earth get the Gunga Din reference. Luckily I am one of the four. Rudyard Kipling LIVES!
        .
        2: Her side would likely say the same to her. It’s all about one’s shade of goggles these days. Nice and polite doesn’t mean what it used to. :-)… Political discourse is NOT for the thin of skin in 2016.

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