Ask a Media Weasel to lunch… I suggested this several years ago. Several readers (claimed they) actually tried to do it. I’m going to suggest it again. America is a much more divided nation than it was just a few years ago… thanks in large part to “Media Weasels”.
Why not “take a media weasel to lunch” and get his/her/it’s thoughts on why that is. It is a pretty simple experiment… but, alas, quite difficult to do.
Simply call your local newspaper (assuming they have paid their phone bill and have a working tele #. With many cash-strapped newspapers (McClatchy?) don’t take that for granted.). Ask to speak to either (1) The Editor or (2) a particular reporter / columnist whose name you see on articles of a political nature. It’s 2017 so EVERY article on anything is “of a political nature”.
If you are in The Triangle and calling The News & Observer ask for Editor John Drescher or perhaps “award-winning newshound & general all-around arrogant political wonk” Rob “RielleWho” Christensen. Or maybe ask for “Editorial Board”. Not sure if “Editorial Board” is a he /she/or it. Ned Barnett may still be around. I haven’t checked this week.
Or you go to WRAL-TV5 and ask to speak to Laura Leslie or Jim Goodmon Sr. If you actually get to Ms Leslie well… offer her an unfiltered Marlboro. If you get to Jimmy G hisownself, he will never remember your name so tell him you are a bag man for “Bully” Barber come to pick-up this week’s briefcase full of non-sequential Benjamins. He’ll have Jimmy Jr. get it for you. That should more than pay for coffee or lunch.
Those of you outside The Triangle can follow this same MO with your local media weasels. Media weasels is media weasels is…
You are asking him/her/it “for coffee” or go all the way “for lunch” to discuss “Media Bias”. IF you actually get to talk to your target weasel (you won’t, but if some how you do) BE NICE.
When requesting “a meet” much less “at the meet” DO NOT BE BELLIGERANT. You are trying to get he/she/it to repeat their memorized mantra about how “they” are absolutely positively NOT biased or partisan in any way, shape, form or fashion… but Fox News and some scary right-wing websites definitely are.
Keep a dopey Alfred E. Neuman grin on your face. They will think you are one of their “pod people”, feel safe and keep talking. That’s what you want… them to keep talking.
As they blabber on to a self-righteous fare-thee-well RESIST the urge to start humming Rush’s bumper music theme. If they hear even three notes, they will crawl under the table into a fetal position. You’ll play hell getting them out.
DO NOT ARGUE with them no matter how utterly ridiculous they get. Keep saying “AgentPierce was right… AgentPierce was right… AgentPiece…”
Be careful. If they hear you utter my name it won’t have quite the effect as Rush’s bumper music but they WILL sense danger. At the first sign of DANGER they hold up a card with a #hashtag.
If/When they stop in their monologue to breath, say how impressed you are with their impressive intellectual acumen. Any version of the word “intellectual” gives them warm fuzzies.
If you make it the entire 30-minutes without giggling or rolling your eyes KUDOs. Very few can do so.
In thanking them for sharing their oh-so-valuable time, say how they have totally changed your not-so-positive opinions about The Media. You only wish all your retarded redneck friends that voted for that Eeeeevil Donald Trump could meet him/her/it.
Be sure you are at least three blocks away before you burst out laughing and yell:
“OMG OMG OMG that arrogant weasel was sooo much worse than AgentPierce described.”
Send a group text message to all your friends trying to recall the best parts of the experience.
MAYBE you will be impressed and actually LIKE them. In which case, please stop coming to this website.
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PS: I have been posting sporadically the past few months. I wasn’t sure it was worth it. America seemed to be “circling the drain” despite my best efforts. Recently A LOT of you have convinced me otherwise. Am I really among a very very few actually “telling it like it is”? … if that’s so I better keep on telling it like it is… until they pry this keyboard from my cold dead fingers.
