‘Tis The Season… Lunatic Fans are Growlin’ and Prowlin’
College Football 2018 heads into the home stretch. In its wake are the discarded champagne wishes and caviar dreams of a scant two months ago.
Ahhh Pre-Season… the annual rebirthing of the idyllic hopes and dreams of kickoffs yet to be kicked… foes yet to be vanquished… hated rivals waiting to be chided… sleeping giants primed to rise from their eternal slumber. Surely THIS will be OUR YEAR. … and Then as champagne turns to vinegar… caviar dreams to nightmares… Reality Bites. Here We Gp Again!
As in the words of little Hamchuck in Green Berets when he is told by Col. Kirby that his Petersan has been killed…
Hamchuck: But… but I didn’t want it too.
What overly caffeinated fan waving his foam finger or his cardboard D -Fence cannot identify with Hamchuck… when, yea verily
This has NOT Been Our Year… well, at least not by our quite unrealistic expectations.
Just another season to be discarded on the ever-growing pile of “Might Have-Beens”.
It is mid-November and your team is still not “bowl eligible”; or, horror of horrors, is mathematically eliminated from even the glory(?) of Christmas in Shreveport. But… but I didn’t want it too.”
What to do… What to do ???
You go out to your tool shed and… (1) You pull out that same pitchfork you seem to pull out each season about this time. (2) You wrap some rags around a stick and pour some lighter fluid on it. So armed with your pitchfork and torch, you…
Find a cyber mob of like-(no) minds with little or nothing to live for other than existing vicariously thru the success of others.
If, invariably, that choice of others fails to meet your lofty definition of successful then… You vent your wrath and disappointment towards anyone and everyone connected with your chosen “others” who dared to let you down. Thereby reaffirming to whatever passes for family, friends, and curious observers why they all laugh at you. You do all this rompin’ and stompin’ pretty much every year as long as anyone can recall.
So many pitchforks… so many torches… and all for WHAT?
Over in Chapel Hill... Despite a shiny new $32,000,000 Indoor Practice Facility AND 40,000 seatbacks AND cupholders; the Fighting Fedorians are on schedule to be even more forlorn than last year. Oh My! If, by early October. the phrase “injury-plagued” is already being used AGAIN you know “bowl eligible” does not appear a worthwhile achievable goal AGAIN.
That the question When is Midnight With Roy? was asked in early September following The Dowdy-Finley Massacre; ya kinda knew any prospect of a Happy Autumn on Franklin Street was not to be.
When the question What’s his buy-out? is first uttered… easily disgruntled loonies begin scrounging thru their sheds for those pitchforks and oily rags. The first rounds of nasty comments appear on rabid fan sites.
That the Buy-Out question was being asked by angry villagers with very short-arms and no intention whatsoever of donating to said buy-out… is traditional. If they had either achieved or inherited enough wherewithall to donate to the buy-out, they likely have lives full enough to not be obsessed by the lack of success of a football team.
Twenty-five miles to the East… Reality did not Bite until late October allowing for 6-8 weeks of Maybe This Year… Maybe Maybe?. Then “Lucy”- AKA Dabo – yanked the football away once again… An ill-fated trip to wherever Syracuse is; and then a freakin’ rookie QB from freakin’ Wake Forest really pissed in the Carter-Finley punchbowl.
It should be encouraging to Wolfpack loyalists that a 9-3 season is now judged “underachieving” but such is not the mindset of a pitchfork & torcher. At least it was mid-November before anyone asked “What’s that moron Doeren’s buy-out?” Again, with no intention of contributing to whatever it is.
That “Moron Doeren” and his band of 9-3 (maybe) underachievers accompanied by a 1,000 or so mega-loyal Carter-ites WILL go abowlin’ to somewhere that The Wolfpack Club ticket-sellers will try to make sound exotic.
“Moron Doeren” will get his bonus – enough for a coupla jet skis for Lake Gaston – and the players will get some tacky bowl swag… which is more than anyone 25 miles to the West will be getting.
Meanwhile twixt Raleigh and Chapel Hill at The Wally in The Gothic Rockpile named for the notorious robber baron Dukes… at least one flaming nitwit “has had it with Cutcliffe”. A 3rd consecutive thumping over The Most-Hated Rival was not a convincing ENOUGH Thumping.
That one flaming nitwit wants a coach that can “take Duke Football to the next level”. And we all thought Crystal Mangum, or Mikey Nifong, was the stoopidest human in Derm!
Up in Beamersburg VA, everyone named Fuente or anything close to that is posting signs on their property saying WE ARE NOT HIM. Around Blacksburg, Bud Foster has been almost Dean Smithian as a sainted figure – THE Defensive Guru. No more…
Be 4-5 in mid November giving up 49 – 45 – 49 – 31 – 52 points in those five losses and one of those “49s” was against Old Dominion and one’s status as a Sainted Guru gets tarnished really quick.
Prodigal Son Marc Richt ain’t so beloved in Coral Gables any more. Cries of “Bring Back Larry Coker” are being bellowed. Larry Coker ?
In Tallyhassy… Willie Whatshisname has gone into WITSEC. I bet Jimbo’s ex-wife – Candi – is hiding Willie in her basement along with her cabana boy, her personal trainer and her Life Coach.
And up in Louisville, Cardinals fans are finally joining the rest of America in a visceral dislike of Bobby Pitrino. His buy-out is akin to the GNP of Guatemala and Papa John is not around to pay it any more.
And so it goes… ‘Tis the Season for Lunatic Fans to be agrowlin’ and aprowlin’… and everyone of them crazy SOBs can Vote… and can Breed…
Q: BobLee, BobLee… What about ECU?
A: I understand they still have really purty coeds..
Look, it’s been a rough week for Ol’ BK – at least the Thursday night part of it. I said “sorta kinda”.
I checked with our resident Theologian – Prince Albert – who has confirmed that BobLee takes advice from Kennel is indeed in Revelation right after “The rivers will run red with blood and pigs will fly”.
Henceforth you will not see OVERT political commentary on THIS PAGE. I qualify “overt” because it is impossible in 2018 America to combine a subject with a predicate that does not identify one’s ideology of choice.
NOTE: I recently had a NRA-hating, Beto O’Rourke Lovin’, Trump-Hater from West Texas ask me to use my prominence as a highly-respected compu-media celebrity to “unite rather than to divide America”. IOW, I should be less-partisan.
“…highly-respected Compu-media celebrity” ?? I like the sound of that!
Having emerged as a full-blown Twitter Phenom, – @BobLeeSays – I can cause more mayhem and carnage to Lib/Dems via Twitter than I can via BobLeeSays commentaries. Ergo I am concentrating those efforts over there. However…
Opening DT&ATs will be like “going skinny dipping at midnight in a slasher flick”. That scene in every slasher flick where the teenage boy and girl at summer camp sneak out for a midnight skinny dip… as Jason / Leatherface hones the blade of his machete and/or chain saw. Noooo… Don’t Do It !!! …. You do so at your own peril.
Here on BobLeeSays we will concentrate on exposing and ridiculing the NON-Political facets of human evolution. I estimate at least 10+ years of column fodder yet to be harvested.
If you INSIST on “going skinny dipping at midnight”…